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 Tiger Woods is just one of the celebrities -- from Russell Brand to Anthony Weiner -- who has allegedly entered sex rehab.
March 29th, 2012
01:53 PM ET
New book questions 'The Myth of Sex Addiction'Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex weekly on The Chart. Read more from him on his website, GoodInBed.
Those are the fighting words of psychologist David Ley, who, in his rousing new book, “The Myth of Sex Addiction," expresses concern over the slippery ease with which America’s mainstream media and burgeoning “addictionology industry” have seemingly conspired to transform a debatable diagnosis into a foregone conclusion. Ley has a point. While many are quick to put sex addiction in the same category as other addictions, it is still not recognized within the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. As Ley maintains, “Sex has no tolerance or withdrawal effects. No one has ever died from being unable to have sex, nor has anyone ever overdosed from sex.” But is Ley going too far when he contends that the majority of men who enter sex-addiction treatment do so because they’re in trouble with their wives for infidelity? It’s no surprise that many within the mental health community have taken issue with Ley’s assertions. "I have had dozens of patients every month sit in my office and cry, broken and desperate, because they can’t stop going to prostitutes, or because they can’t stop masturbating, or because their casual ‘hookups’ in bars are getting more dangerous and less appealing,” says Dr. Tammy Nelson, a noted psychotherapist and author of “Getting the Sex You Want.” “Are these men and women sex addicts?" Many seasoned professionals would say yes. Sex and relationship therapist Dr. Joe Kort points to the nuts and bolts of addiction, explaining that the main symptoms are loss of control, failed attempts to stop the unwanted sexual behavior, and a pattern of negative consequences such as anxiety, depression, legal troubles, sexually transmitted diseases and relationship problems. In his view, sex addiction is a very real problem, and he takes issue with Ley’s assertion that the "sex addictionologists themselves are true believers, and little that I say will shake their belief system, grounded as it is in rhetoric and pseudoscience.” "I am a CSAT-certified sex addiction therapist,” Kort counters, “and these therapists are very serious about helping people with sexual suffering, and are very dedicated to high standards regarding treatment." Still, many men seem quick to turn to a sex addiction diagnosis as a means of explaining away their bad behavior. Jonathan Alpert, a psychotherapist and author of the forthcoming “Be Fearless: Change Your Life in 28 Days," says, "I've had more and more males coming in to see me with the idea that they are a sex addict. This is largely fueled by the media, as it has become the diagnosis du jour. Way too many times, it is used as an excuse for someone who simply cheated on his significant other. Fact is, one act of infidelity doesn't make someone a sex addict; it makes him a cheater.” Addiction therapist Edward Ratush acknowledges that sex addiction has been over-diagnosed. But for that matter, so has depression. That doesn’t mean the issue isn’t very real. “Yes, I do think it is possible to be addicted to sex,” he says. “To need it even when you don’t want it. To pursue it even at the cost of your health, happiness, relationships, and career.” Psychiatrist Gail Saltz goes even further, saying that sex addiction "could fit into numerous diagnoses: OCD, bipolar disorder, various personality disorders, etc. The goal is to help a patient see the cost, and to treat the larger diagnosis and the symptom itself. Most important is to avoid seeing a label as any sort of absolution from responsibility, the responsibility to get treatment and stop being destructive to yourself and others." So is sex addiction for real? Is it a diagnosis? A symptom? A poor excuse for even worse behavior? Despite the bad behavior of certain Hollywood actors and politicians, perhaps, in the end, the label itself isn’t what’s important. "Whatever we decide to call this stuff, 'sex addiction,' 'compulsive sexual behavior,' 'out of control sexual behavior,' or 'hypersexuality,' it does exist,” says noted sex therapist Russell Stambaugh. “It can wreck lives, and it is wildly over-diagnosed and threatens to further marginalize sexuality in general and specific sexual minorities in particular. It is not sex negative to recognize that sex both causes harm sometimes, and can come from bad places." Ley has clearly thrown down the gauntlet, and hopefully the debate will continue. What do you think? Is sex addiction a myth or the real thing?
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Is sex addiction for real? Or is it “nothing more than a pop-psychology phenomenon, serving only to demonize sex, enforce moral views of sex and relationships and excuse irresponsible behaviors?”
First!
I agree that "sexual addiction" has given many people a "get out of jail free" card. They put a very fast band-aid on the big "boo boo" they caused with their significant other and it gets them off the hook for just plain cheating. They WOULDN'T have "an addiction" if they hadn't gotten caught.
So, we force people, through the coersion of religious doctrine, to take on a behavior that goes completely against our genes and millennia of evolution – that forced behavior being monogamy. Humans are, by nature, non-monogamous. The majority of mammals are non-monogamous. Yet we force people into this behavior through shame, guilt and fear and when they act outside of these false boundaries we continue to shame them, and treat them as though they have an illness or serious mental/behavioral problems. Yes, the lack of honesty, acting out because of rebellion against 'restraints', etc are behavioral issues that must be addressed. But if we were allowed to be who we are, openly, honestly and without judgement, there would be a lot less cheating and a lot more conversation, as well as the ability for both men and women to express themselves sexually with other consenting adults, in a healthy environment. Sex addiction? Perhaps there is such a thing and it occurs within a minute amount of the population – the rest are people just trying to fulfill their needs, wants and desires in a society that wants to hold them to archaic boundaries that are unhealthy and unfair.
Ok, let's go back to the primitive world where civility and morality is yet to be known. C'mon Anie, let's go!
I'm being treated for sex addiction and I didn't get caught.
There blows that theory...
Yawn.
I disagree with the "get out of jail free" concept because a truly recovering sex-addict (one in treatment who has the capacity for insight) will authentically acknowledge that it's NOT a get-out-of-jail free card. Many sex addicts who get sober understand that there is a mental/emotional/biochemical RELIEF when start to get some abstinence going; it feels like a detox but in a different way from drugs or alcohol; more along the lines of food and gambling addictions. If an individual can acknowledge true remorse for what the addiction has done and makes a commitment to stop, it can be healing for both people in the relationship. There are some however who are incapable of remorse and have no intention of stopping or trying to; at that point, we're getting into something even darker than addiction.
And as for the author David Ley, he should know that any type of recovery program is not about shaming the person about the behavior. He believes that recovery programs operate from a morality-based point of view. If anything, it's really about developing self-love, acceptance of who you are (good and bad), and it's not about becoming celibate for the rest of your life. It's about learning to refrain from the behaviors which make you ultimately feel like a piece of $h1t,
Reply to Anie...monogamy has nothing to do with sexual addiction. You can be a sex addict when you are single. It's about losing control of one's actions and at it's extreme, losing any pleasure that should be derived from the activity(ies). Duh. Watch Shame.
It seems to me like just another disfunctional behavior(s), that has a negative effect on a person's life, and/or the lives of those who are involved with him/her. The sex itself, is just a very effecient means of accomplishing the destruction. One can have very strong sexual feelings and thoughts, but through consideration of quality of their life and that of others, can avoid destructive behavior.
Only in a country where women are conditioned to view sex as a commodity could it be categorized as an addiction.
On the other hand, only in a country that holds sex as a sacred gift from the gods would you see people acting and doing crazy things in the name of sex. We need some middle ground here....badly.
Well said, Sybaris. Thank you.
Um... gay men can be sex addicts, too, you know. So can women.
A comment from a man from country where men are conditioned to think they can do what they want to who they want and blame it all on someone else.
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USE OF MKULTRA + HUNGER GAMES TODAY....STATE OF THE ART EXPLANATION ON MIND CONTROL TECHNIQUES(violent world of government psychiatry/psychology and police revealed..... learn exactly per how is done and by whom... use of psychology/psychiatry for mass population or ethnic cleansing as well as crimes to which we witness daily on behalf of Zionism/communism/liberalism). SELF ELECTED GOVERNMENTS GOING AS FAR AS USING PEDOPHILIA TO RESOLVE THEIR MINDLESS CRIMINAL POLITICAL ISSUES AGAINST TARGETED VICTIMS WHILE BLAIMING IT ALL ON CHURCH !!!
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xpqc0u_part-80
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http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xpmelt_part-79
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xpkfh7_part-78
All related to WHITES ARE NOT WELCOME IN AMERICA ANY LONGER !!! http://www.youtube.com/user/BostjanAvsec or rather http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xleq3o OBAMA'S HEALTH CARE RECORDED LIVE IN 2009 !!! EXILING WHITES(US citizens) WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE AND IMPORTING NON WHITES IMMIGRATION REQUIREMENTS FREE !!! WHY TO ACCEPT LIABILITIES FOR CRIMES COMMITTED WHEN WE CAN SIMPLY ASSASSINATE OUR VICTIMS(YOU) THANKS TO HUMAN RIGHTS ORGANIZATIONS AND FREE PRESS/MEDIA(most severe CENSORSHIP OF GENOCIDE in entire history of human kind) !! NOT HUMAN RIGHTS COURTS, BUT ORGANIZERS OF GENOCIDE AGAINST WHITES AND SPONSORS OF BOGUS "MULTICULTURALISM" CLAIMS AT EXPENSE OF WHITES !!!
REMINDER...MY YOUTUBE ACCOUNT WAS HIJACKED(March 07th, 2012) BY US GOVERNMENT WHILE PRIMARY E-MAIL AS WELL AS BLOGS WERE ALL SHUT DOWN FOR THE SAKE OF CENSORSHIP REGARDING GENOCIDE AGAINST ME PERSONALLY THAT INVOLVED ABDUCTIONS / MK-ULTRA BRAINWASHING / FORCED BRAIN ELECTRODE – CHIP IMPLANTS / HUMAN EXPERIMENTATION / BLACKLISTING / FORCEFUL UNEMPLOYMENT AND ASSASSINATIONS AGAINST WHITE(under "NAZI" lie) CIVILIAN POPULATION TODAY IN 2011/2012 ACROSS THE EUROPE AND NORTHERN AMERICA !!!
Wow!! ...... um.... Wow!!.. nudge nudge, say no more!
Wow, dude, just wow, this is not the place
Wow what a tough act to follow..
What do I even say? Whatever it is, it will be lost to the brilliance of the poster above.
i like you.
Well done Fred.
The article talks about MEN this and MEN that. We know there are nymhos out there and some historically important ones: Catherine the Great of Russia, Bathsheba, etc. I wonder how "Addictions" in our society fit in with Masslo's (sp?) heirarcy of needs: Food (and obesity)? Shelter (and the housing boom/bust)? Reproduction and "Sexaholics"?
Guess you missed the reference and subsequent question in the article regarding whether or not these men AND women were sex addicts.
That dude above me needs to work for jet blue. He will get the help he needs.
He already does. He is their chief flight instructor.
Addiction to a relationship is being adiedtcd to having a relationship any old relationship ( no matter how bad it is)And addiction to the person is wanting them. Not just so you will be in a relationship but , becouase you will have them the personhope this helps and you get a A* on that project
I agree completely – it's just rationalization of bad behavior. The same can be said for calling alcoholism (or excessive gambling) a 'disease'. All it does is allow the 'victim' to avoid taking responsibility for their choices, giving them an excuse that it is supposedly beyond their control.
If you have AIDS and miss work, the law will protect you because you have a "disease". I you are an alcoholic and miss work, you're fired. The only people who consider addiction a disease are the people charging money to cure you.
AMEN!! Sex addiction?! What a CROCK!!!
You agree completely with...whom? Obviously not the author as this article is as neutral as it gets.
Alcoholism is genetic. That has never been proven for sex addiction.
Alcoholics will literally drink themselves to death, denying themselves food for more alcohol (the refeeding syndrome).
Calling it a myth is sheer ignorance.
Well said AJ. Sex addiction – what a load of crap! I believe that addiction is a real problem for some people. But I also believe that if you are truly addicted, to anything, and you really want to stop the addiction you can. I was addicted to cigarettes for over 30 years, "tried" to quit numerous times. When I made up my mind that I really wanted to quit, bingo, job done in a month, and I haven't touched one since. Our society is too quick to label, make excuses, ridicule, sensationalize, blah, blah, blah – everything!!! It's way past time for people to grow up and take responsibility for themselves and their actions. Spouses of either sex who cheat are just cheaters, period. No medical or psychological diagnosis is needed. If they aren't getting enough in their marriage they should get single then go find it wherever they please.
You hit the nail on the head...personal accountability. Kinda of like the new label "autism". How many times have you read or heard someone say, "Hmmm, maybe my child is "autistic" due to my genetic background, all the drinking and weed I used smoke, etc." Wait, I can answer that for you...NONE! Because in our society, people don't take responsibility for their own actions and place the blame on any external causes they can conjure up, e.g., immunizations.
I agree with you. My dad is a recovered alcoholic and I love him dearly, but I don't agree with his logic that "some people are allergic to bee stings, and some are 'allergic' to alcohol/sex/gambling". IMO, you either have a compulsive personality or you have self-restraint or no desire for those things in the first place. It's easier to look at yourself in the mirror if you can blame your decisions on something beyond your control, just like AA relies on you believing there is a "higher power". Then people can say "I don't know why this happened, but God must have a plan for me, who am I to question it?" It's all to alleviate a sense or personal responsibility for decisions and actions.
What's the real deal here, Dr. Kerner? Can't get rid of those nightmares involving nuns with scissors and feel a nagging need to share?
Wow @ Avser.
Tlttles
The s e x addition concept is highly debatable and I tend to agree that the nomenclature muddies the waters. All kinds of neurological conditions were considered simply bad behavior in recent decades, and genuine paranormal activity in centuries past but we allowed the science to pin down the differences of what can and cannot be controlled. Compulsion in most forms is recognized as a disorder and the key is that it is essentially involuntary. Distilling compulsive s e x u a l behavior into a viable/reliable diagnostic practice is the problem.
Does this help to explain Newt Gingrich and Rush Limbaugh? Are all the leaders of the Republican Party truly sex addicts, or are they all just fond of having sex with as many different people as possible with no addiction involved? (Probably the most difficult part of this question is trying to figure out what person in their right mind would ever have intercourse – social or sexual – with either one of these....men?)
Claiming you have an addiction is not a get out of jail free card. The next step would be to go into a 12 step program. If someone wants to lead a spiritual and be a better person why would anyone stand in thier way? The label is irrevelant. Whether you call someone an addict or cheater does not change the fact that they have a problem.
Well said Grace.
I am of the opinion that it is a "Myth". I believe that the fallout from being salicious is one that has more to do with social norms and standards than a human condition. My dog loves to mount every female dog that he comes across without penalty or detriment to his well being because his species does not have set standards about being in a committed relationship or obtaining joy through sex. However not every canine is like mine – some prefer a lot of sex and some do not.
If your dog liked to bite every one he came across since that's his "nature" does it mean you let him do it?
“Sex has no tolerance or withdrawal effects. No one has ever died from being unable to have sex, nor has anyone ever overdosed from sex.”
The first line is pure B*S*. No tolerance? Try getting off for the sixth time in one night. It's a lot harder than the first time. No withdrawal effects? Please, people who don't have sex regularly are antagonistic, easily irritated, and generally pi$ $ed off at the world.
No one has ever died from smoking too much pot, but that doesn't make it not an addiction.
The fact that sex addiction has been used as a scapegoat label for famous personas busted for bad behavior does not mean that sex addiction does not happen... It does have a tolerance and those that are addicted do go through withdrawal without it... But even that is not the quintessential thing that makes it an addiction... It is part of the syndrome or symptom grouping. People who are addicted genuinely suffer. Despite the over use of this media friendly label there are real people who hurt and need professional help to live a successful life. If you want to see symptoms of sex addiction watch the movie SHAME.
Going to the gym can be mentally addictive, anything can be that your brain associates with rewards (pleasure). Sex most definitely can be. People associate the gym with positives, and therefore it doesn't get labeled as an addiction.
While there may be a dopanine high from working out, this is not in the same league as the chemicals that are released with sexual activities. The drug in this case may be a naturally occurring one arising from one of the body's natural processes, but that makes it no less a true chemical addiction. And a powerful one too.
The more you think of sex the more you need sex. It is not the otherway around.
When the govt insists that marijuana is addictive it's obvious that their definition of addition covers more things than what you get sick from forgoing. IOW, sex addiction would also be included in their definition. I'm open to the idea that their definition is wrong, but I don't see all that many people arguing against it-so apparently most people also believe that sex addiction is real.
I think people can genuinely be a sex addict just as some one might be insane. A person charged with killing a person may try to cop a plea of insanity to get out of going to prison just like someone who got caught cheating multiple times uses the excuse they are a sex addict. It doesn't mean the conditions don't actually exist in people with legitimate problems.
I just know I that I love it in all kinds of crazy ways. Not sure if I could be addicted, but I don't think I oppose that theory. I had intense urges at a very young age. My mom was a busy lady, so I come by it honestly. My boyfriend and I can't get enough. Lunch breaks, hours, and hours, and hours!!!
There are two types of addiction, physical and mental.
A physical addiction will give you physical withdrawal symptoms when you stop. (Drugs like heroin fit into this category)
A mental addiction does NOT have physical withdrawal symptoms and a person can become mentally addicted to basically ANYTHING, including sex, reading books, watching television, playing a sport, playing an instrument, dancing and smoking marijuana. People with addictive personalities would be more prone to becoming mentally addicted to something and even an extreme example of a person with an addictive personality would only go through possible one day of minor irritability. (Try comparing that to heroin, which can kill you if you stop using it cold turkey.)
The book doesn't prove that sex addiction doesn't exist - instead, it simply asserts that it's different from cocaine, heroin, or alcohol addiction. OK, so what? Hypertension is different from diabetes, but they're both diseases. The definition of addiction isn't even a medical one. Lots of different syndromes fit.
So it sounds to me as if the author is just building a straw man for the purposes of tearing it down. More power to him. Hope you sell a few books, buddy. Too bad Oprah's off the air.
Sex Addiction? Lets see, we have 7 Billion people currently on the planet. That's a lot of sex. Everyone has their own physiology. Some will have sex more often than others. Nothing wrong with that. Nature has created much variability in the human species. Is it possible that the term sex addiction was coined by someone envious of the one's having more sex then they are? Besides, if you see all those E.D. commercials, it's a wonder that anyone is having sex.
Ha Ha Ha ! ! ! This article (?) is even better if you put in god everyplace sex is used.
"Reason has seldom failed us because it has seldom been tried.” – Edward Abbey
Sex addiction has always been a joke. Every man knows that Tiger and these other guys are doing what they want to do. You can't claim something is an 'addiction' because you give into your base instincts. When some dude cuts in front of you in line you might feel the urge to slug him if he refused your polite request to get into the back of it. If you did slug him you would be giving into your instincts. You are not then 'addicted' to violence.
Its our INSTINCT to want to sleep with every single women of child bearin age (if the were no negative consquences).. So how can that be an addiction? The researchers that support this phony diagnosis are bigger frauds then Freud..
Your statement is fully rooted in shame-based beliefs about sex. "Base instinct?" It's an ANIMAL instinct and we are animals but we are also humans and it appears that in most cases people in monogamous relationships have more success and happiness than those who have multiple partners or are highly promiscuous. And I'm not saying one is more MORAL than the other. It's just about how we're wired as humans to attach. And actually, if a person has grown up in a violent home or community, they stand a good chance to be prone to violence, and if that violence creates a mood change that they would perhaps describe as a "high,"....then there's a good chance that people are addicted to violence. ...There's a specific reason I believe film/tv shows (fiction or reality) with violence get higher ratings and make more money.
*sighs* why are my posts not showing up? Test...
It's a little of both. The teenndcy of someone to get addicted to something is genetic. That's why you'll often see people who have a family history of alcoholism turn into one themselves.I've known people who have been able to smoke on and off without ever being addicted to nicotine, which is one of the most addicting drugs in the world. Then again, I know others that have been hooked after only a few cigarettes. The part that makes drug addiction a choice is what you mentioned, it is that person's choice to put it into their system. Most people don't do drugs with the intention of getting hooked, but I would suggest people with an addictive personality to do them less often, if at all.
Sex addiction, a term stating an over indulgence, is generally a mental illness caused by some childhood distress. It is a real illness in those who were abused as children. In fact many with this addiction will not protect themselves, because it is part of the self destructive behavior.
This does not mean that there are those who also engage in 'often' sex, they tebd to protect themselkves and see sex as the pleasure it really is.
The word addiction is so over used. Addiction implies some kind of mental or chemical imbalance. The truth is the word should be HABIT. Anything we "choose" to do repeatedly over time becomes a habit. We are habit forming creatures. The reason habit is a much better word is our actions are really based on choice and therefore the responsibility lies with us. Our society no longer likes the word responsibility so we use the word "addiction" to relieve any guilt, shame or pressure a person feels about their choices.
This is a useless article. It cites a bunch of soft data ( the opinions of those in the field) and then asks if sex add is real. No facts presented. None. If an aritcle asks a question, perhaps ot should provide some evidence to use in judgement:
1)What are the DSM symptoms of sex addiciton?
2)What are behaviors that are mistakenly diagnozed as SA?
3)What are the results of treatment for real addicts vs malingerers?
Facts. Please next time you write an article start with facts. This articlle reads like an ad for the subjects books.
Years ago I asked someone I know in a 12 Step program for sex addiction whether or not it was really a life-threatening condition similar to alcohol addiction. Her answer: think about driving down the freeway at 80 mph with tears in your eyes. Sex addiction is real, no matter what the DSM says. People like Bill Clinton and others who risk the highest pinnacles of power for a brief moment of sexual pleasure are dealing with much more then arrogance. Women who allow themselves to be degraded by male rejection over and over and repeatedly go back for more feel powerless to do otherwise. They ignore their children in the same way an alcoholic ignores his family. Their minds are obsessed with fantasies about this lover or that one, often while driving, putting themselves and other in real danger as a result of the distraction. Books like this one do no service to those millions who suffer from this affliction. Whatever silly celebrities do has no bearing on real people struggling with serious problems. Unfortunately, many people will do anything to make money, with no concern about the greater good of society.
I think this is semantics – the book author is saying that sex addiction isn't real (I guess from a specific diagnostic perspective) and I would agree. I would suggest that the behavior is rooted in "real" personalitiy disorders or behaviors and this is really just a label and sensationalistic hype. There are very real personality disorders that this behavior might manifest from.
Dont compare humans with animals. We have the intellect ,animals dont.Thats why God put religious obligations on humans to follow certain guidlines,and if you do so, you will feel satisfaction in your legal relationship with your wife and not munching around every where.
God didn't do that. You have no proof. The only reason not to group animals and humans together is to not insult animals.
". . . nor has anyone ever overdosed from sex." I think I just found my calling.
I've known guys that suffer from this, and they're all really depressed, and some really can't help it. They do get a high from it, and it's just a bad habit and addictive. I think drugs have to do with it too, in most cases, excess DOPA and lacking amino acid, much like gambling. First step in recovery is different nutrition though, at least that's what worked for a couple of them, they were low on 2 critical amino acids. You see the same thing in gamblers, they're low on key amino acids. Simple complex blood test can easily diagnose the condition.
I agree a number of people have played the addiction card to get off the hook, but people have played the same card with alcoholism to avoid jail time as well, does that mean alcoholism is bogus?
Clearly there are many people – men and women – who have a very unhealthy relationship with intimacy and use intimacy as a way of increasing their self-esttme and making themselve feel better about themselves. That, I believe, is at the root of this issue. To deomize this behavior is just another way that we avoid the problem. An adult should not have to derive their sense of self-worth from number of people they can sleep with and yet that remains the message in our culture. If we can address that problem and address what is causing people to need this outlet then we will make real progress and not just continue to go around and around in a circle of blame.
Sex addiction? Of course! The nice person is unable to help him/herself because of their addiction to sex. Not only this but we are informed we can be addicted to most anything, the list grows. I particularly like the one I read about a year or so ago: Many of our schoolgirl students are addicted to motherhood. For myself I believe I have become addicted to procrastination and there may be little hope for me.
Internet & video game addictions are very real, but no one's ever died from too much of either. But they can die from the side effects of the addiction (sitting too long, not eating) – likewise, you can die from the side effects of a sex addiction (venereal disease, exhaustion, stabbed by a pimp for non-payment).
Point is, just because most people engage in something & can not get addicted doesn't mean that everyone can. And just because something is often used a scapegoat by people who don't want to face the consequences of their bad decisions, doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. That's why I think sex addiction should be added to the list as a mental disorder – if it reamains unregulated so to speak, then it's fair game for anyone to say "I'm a sex addict, I need help!" But if it's added to the DSM-IV, psychologists could attach a series of standards for diagnosis and say "Oh, no you don't!" to the fakers.
And just for the record:
Tiger Woods – I actually think he's a sex addict. Anyone who has a wife and still needs 8 mistresses, has a problem.
Russell Brand – He's not addicted to sex, he's addicted to bad decisions; why else do you think he looks the way he does & married Katy Perry?
Anthony Weiner (and 99.9% of all other politicians)- Sexting does not count as a sex addiction. Sex addicts don't like the thrill of the chase, they just want to get their fix ASAP. He's a dog, simple as that. Same goes for Newt Gingrich.
Flora, have you seen Katy Perry's boobs? Are you aware men don't use the big brain when making those types of decisions?
While Ley may partly correct – some are too quick to pronounce anything as an "addiction" – he's flat out wrong in asserting that no one has sex addictions.
Ley is as wrong as those he criticizes ... he's just on the opposite end of the spectrum.
Does hand addiction count??
If you ever find yourself in a relationship with a sex addict, you will no longer doubt that it is absolutely an addiction. My ex started out a nice normal guy, but ended up throwing away a 25-year marriage with a wife and two children who loved him. We wanted him to stay and just knock it off with the girls, but he refused and left and filed for divorce instead. He kept on chasing girls, most of whom were in his very large corporate workplace. He destroyed at least one marriage there, too, and has jeopardized his beloved career by carrying on with his direct reports. Still cannot and will not stop. Sex addiction does not mean "someone who really likes sex." Sex addiction means "someone who uses sex and sexual attention as a kind of painkiller for the normal problems of life", the way an alcoholic drinks or a heroin addict shoots up. Anyone who thinks it's not real should meet my ex and learn about the day-and-night transformation he underwent from great husband and father and corporate executive to a divorced loser whose kids barely speak to him and who has become a joke in his own workplace.
Too much sex can cause headaches, fatigue, insomnia, and heart palpitations.
Many people wish they could stop and they cannot.
It will be hard for some to believe this because it is just writing on a website. But I am a real and seemingly normal person. I am not in trouble with my wife, but I do continue to do things that I wish I did not do. I have been considering getting help behind my wife’s back before I do something again and she finds out. I was just as unhappy about what I do back when I was single, but it didn’t matter as much. Now I am married and it could affect her. I can’t speak for all, but I know that when I do what I do it does not make me happy. So it is not as if I am just having the time of my life and hoping my wife never finds out. It is all very strange. I agree that it doesn’t matter what they call it. It is a real condition.
You could go through this article, change all occurrences of the word "sex" to "alcohol", change the publish date to 1935, and probably find something very similar to it in print from that time. Alcohol addiction was seen as a moral failing, a disease of will power, and an excuse for people to blame something other than their own lack of personal responsibility. Food addiction met with (and still meets with) the same resistance in the medical community. The base cause to all these addictions is the same; mental disease, but that term also conjurs up horrific images of 19th century lobotomies and decrepit mental wards, so no good drawing attention to that. All these substances and behaviors seek to mollify the same base line causes – depression, anxiety, and other mental disorders. What form they take is irrelevant except to note that sex addiction should at least be taken as seriously as alcohol addiction. I'm guessing we're a good 20 to 30 years from that happening, though. There doesn't have to be a physically addictive substance involved for it to be considered and addiction. I know. I am both a recovering alcoholic and sex addict. The curious thing about this is that those inside the mental health care field are well aware of the "cross addiction" factor. People are rarely addicted to one substance or behavior. Try to find a strip joint that doesn't sell alcohol sometime, and one that is not filled with smokers.
People go to "sex addiction rehab" to get out of trouble just like celebrities constantly get out of bad trouble by claiming "it's the alcohol" or "it's the drugs" and everyone says "awwwww... he's just sick!".
It's all BS.
I think in the US we've done a great job emasculating our men. The truth is men having been mounting females since they figured out they could drag us back to their caves. Pretty recently in the history of ourselves we've tried to put "moral" limits on an ancient behavior then wonder why it doesn't quite seem to be working. I know as women it's so much easier for an emotional blanket by being able to slap a label on things..."Oh he didn't cheat on me because I'm boring in the bedroom or a constant nag, he's just a sex addict. Thank God, give us both some pills to survive this catastrophe." I'm just as guilty wishing for easy answers to life's questions, but sometime there aren't any.
I think it's kind of sad honestly. We seem so confused and betrayed by natural impulses. I'm in an open relationship with my partner. Neither of us limit each other's choices, and strangely enough we're way less stressed about things like this. Simply because we traded a 2000 year old "morality" for a eons old code written into our DNA. As a female I don't feel the need for as many partners as he does, sometimes he says no to my choices and I like that about him too. I know that kind of thing isn't for everyone, I just feel sad that we're so confused about ourselves and our roles, and so many people men and women both unhappy.
If a married couple has sex a bunch of times everyday they just have a healthy sex life.
A sex addict is a person who wants to have sex one more time than you do. Yes?
Try living with a sex addict! Dr. Ley's history would be interesting.
I am a sex addict...Its real, I have a addictive personality. I am a addict in everything I do....