Struggling with sex when you're overweight
February 2nd, 2012
07:16 AM ET

Struggling with sex when you're overweight

Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him on his website, GoodInBed.

On the CBS sitcom “Mike & Molly,” the title characters meet at an Overeaters Anonymous support group and embark on a romantic relationship.

It’s an uncommon look at intimacy between plus-sized partners, played mainly for laughs. But with obesity rates skyrocketing in this country, sex when one or both partners is heavy is becoming a very real issue.

Nearly 34% of American adults are obese, according to the CDC, and many more are overweight. It’s not surprising that people who are carrying extra pounds may find themselves grappling with the effects on their sex lives.

Being overweight or obese can put a damper on things in the bedroom, as my clients Tom and Laura discovered. Married for 12 years, they had always enjoyed a satisfying sex life - until Laura began to gain weight. At first Tom was understanding: He knew that Laura’s self-esteem had taken a hit and he didn’t want to add to that.

When they came to see me after many sexless months, however, Tom finally admitted that he was having trouble finding Laura as attractive as he once had.

Whether you’ve always been heavy or have just put on weight over the years, you may notice that your sex life is going downhill. A recent study of moderately to severely obese people, published in the “Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy,” found that these men and women reported being less satisfied than the general population.

Another study, by researchers at Duke University, found that up to 30% of obese people who sought help controlling their weight did so due to problems with their libido, sex drive, and/or sexual performance.

While self-esteem may play a role, it’s not the only factor involved. Conditions such as high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and diabetes often accompany obesity and can impair blood flow to the genitals, resulting in problems with erectile dysfunction in men and arousal in both men and women. Extra weight can also stress the knees and other joints, making some sexual positions uncomfortable.

Of course, not everyone who is overweight is in poor health or unfit. Some research even suggests that heavier people may enjoy a few extra benefits in the bedroom: A 2008 study in “Obstetrics & Gynecology” looked at more than 7,000 women and found that those who were overweight were actually slightly more likely to report having had sex with men than their slimmer counterparts.

Another study found men who are overweight are less likely to have premature ejaculation and tend to last longer in bed—7.3 minutes, compared to just 103 seconds for thinner men. This difference is possibly because heavy men typically have higher levels of the female sex hormone estradiol, which delays climax.

It’s absolutely possible to enjoy a satisfying sex life whether you weigh 130 pounds or 330 pounds. If you’re overweight and struggling to keep things steamy, though, it’s time to take action. That doesn’t have to mean going on a diet, although shedding just 10 pounds can stimulate sex hormones and improve health.

Try a new position. Experiment with positions that take the weight off your joints (and your partner): Try spooning side by side, rear entry, and modified missionary positions with pillows under the female partner’s hips.

Enjoy intimacy. Sex isn’t just about intercourse. Explore other forms of intimacy, including oral sex, manual stimulation, toys, and even just kissing and cuddling.

Think outside the box. It may sound silly, but my clients Tom and Laura reclaimed their sex lives with a simple flick of the switch. The next time they made love, they dimmed the lights and relied on the power of fantasy to carry them both over the edge. Now they’ve discovered a new found excitement in the bedroom that has nothing to do weight.

Read up. There are a growing number of resources for couples in which one or both partners are overweight. The book “Big Big Love: A Sourcebook on Sex for People of Size and Those Who Love Them” by Hanne Blank does a great job of dispelling myths, helping readers boost self-esteem, and offering detailed information about sexuality.

So remember, being overweight doesn’t mean your sex life is over. With a little creativity and a few adjustments, you can get - and stay - satisfied.

soundoff (320 Responses)
  1. Bill

    Overweight? Oral sex? ewwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!

    February 3, 2012 at 11:33 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Paul

      I know it's disgusting, but think about it they are fat and want to put something in their mouth is a win win.

      February 4, 2012 at 19:22 | Report abuse |
    • Chartreuxe

      It's clear all of you spend a lot of time thinking about other people having sex. Y'all must lead rich fantasy lives.

      Why is it the obese have starring rent-free roles in your heads?

      Targeting the overweight and the obese allows them to act out your personal angers and frustrations. It's also a way for you to feel superior and special, by denigrating another class of people. If we replaced the words 'obese' and 'overweight' with 'African-American' or 'Jew,' we would see how truly offensive your actions and terms become. Everyone would turn on you like a pack of rabid wolverines.

      What you're all demonstrating to everyone is your own arrogance and lack of compassion for humanity. It's deplorable.

      February 6, 2012 at 10:50 | Report abuse |
    • ZacJ

      I don't see why everybody got worked up over this article. This wasn't an article about why people are or are not fat. It wasn't about who is to blame or what society should do about it. It's just about how people who are overweight or obese can still enjoy an active sex life. The fact that obesity is mostly a consequence of behavior is irrelevant to the question of how can people who are overweight still enjoy sex.

      There were some good ideas here. No one is forcing you to try them out. And if the thought of "fat sex" is disgusting to you I wonder why you would even think to read this article. If people who are fat want to have more sex then good for them. And don't tell me that fat people having sex is an additional cost to the tax payer. It's just sex.

      February 15, 2012 at 08:39 | Report abuse |
  2. DSBsky

    She got married, she got complacent, she got fat, you got suckered.. If your wife cared more about how you felt, she'd peel her fat a$$ off the couch and go to the gym.. I have 0 sympathy for obesity. Get your fat a$$ up and go to the gym...

    Told my gf the same thing and you people need to start growing a spine and speaking your mind. Instead of waiting til your 100 lbs overweight and the thought of having sex with eachother makes you sick..

    I say: I am who I am and I am NOT ok with people letting themselves go. This is a classic case of "you let yourself go because you thought you could".

    Usually it happens after marrige.. "for some reason (you thought you could get away with it)"..... But I say it all the time. I will not be with someone who is ok destroying themselves and I will not stand by as they do it.. I'd be divorced..

    The same goes for men, this isn't just about women. Peel your fat A$$ up and fix it.. YOU ARE YOUR PROBLEM.. ONLY YOU CAN FIX IT..

    February 3, 2012 at 11:49 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Laurie A

      Well aint you something special buddy? I'll bet you spend more time manscaping and admiring yourself in the mirror than you do supporting, loving or just talking to your girl-friend. You'll get old, you'll sag...gravity is gonna' get ya'...

      February 3, 2012 at 12:34 | Report abuse |
    • LOL

      @ Laurie A:

      Dude takes it a little far but he is right. And oh by the way there is a major difference between getting older, watching the hair turn a little gray, dealing with wrinkles / sags, etc. and simply letting yourself go physically.

      If at the beginning, to attract the man or woman you are with meant caring about your health, fitness and physcial appearance then you owe it to your mate to continue to care and do what is necessary to maintain and/or improve on it. To do otherwise is to do a dis-service to your mate.

      February 3, 2012 at 12:52 | Report abuse |
    • Jon

      You seem to have some emotional problem with fat people. Do they threaten you? Otherwise, why would you care enough to be so judgemental? I suggest you see a therapist.

      February 3, 2012 at 16:13 | Report abuse |
    • kmack

      Perhaps she got that way so you would go away?

      February 3, 2012 at 22:32 | Report abuse |
    • Critic

      There are lots of good reasons to loose weight. The idea that you somehow owe it to someone else to do so isn't one of them. Just because you didn't like it when your former GF gained weight doesn't mean it's something she did to you. Her weight gain happened to her, not you.

      February 3, 2012 at 22:37 | Report abuse |
    • freeat40

      I am so glad you added men to that rant! My husband and I never had any kids together so he never had to have pregnant sex with me. But I tell ya what we've been having pregnant sex for a long time now! He has looked eight months pregnant for years and for some reason here lately I can't stand it. I want a warm body rubbing against mine while having sex. With the positions we're limited with I'm just not happy! I'm not asking for a perfect body, I can handle chubby. He was nothing but muscle when we met and I've always been the one worried I would end up fat. I am so tired of trying to talk him into doing a gym membership with me and all he has to say is "why?". Ugh so I dropped 20 pounds(down to 140) and he still isn't trying. I can't wait for the kids(from our previous relationships) to leave home because this is not an issue I want to be arguing about with them here, cause it's gonna be a drawn out battle i do believe. I can see him leaving me for being selfish, but he's being selfish by risking his heart health(bad family history) for the food he wants.

      February 4, 2012 at 00:06 | Report abuse |
    • LOL

      @ freeat40:

      Assuming there is nothing medically wrong & no debilitating injury with him other than being obese, I say lay down the law and let him know one more chance or you will look elsewhere. That was my experience when I put things especially $$$ before health / fitness.

      Long story short, I got fat and the wife still looked great noteing that I was in incredible shape when her and I met. Due soley to letting myself go, it wasn't right to her to have strangers look at us especially at places where the shirt must come off (pools, beaches, etc.) like she was a Princess and I was the elephant man. It wasn't right to expect her to touch and feel the dough boy body that I developed. It wasn't right that the summer heat drained me so much that I prefered to stay in air conditioning. It wasn't right...So I took my medicine so to speak, lost the weight and continued to improve to near bodybuilder type proportions.

      In a relationship and/or marriage, young children should the highest priority, but after that no one of the two people involved deserves to be constantly unhappy vows or no vows. I was a schlub (slob hubby) and I was given one chance. I changed but had I not changed then my wife should have left. You need to do the same. It is not shallow to have been physcially attracted to your hubby when he was "the man" and to be unattracted and unhappy with what he has allowed himself to become while you still take care of yourself.

      February 4, 2012 at 09:05 | Report abuse |
    • Joyce

      Sometimes people have so much crap to deal with in their lives (like a superficial appearance obsessed spouse who doesn't deal with other problems in the relationship) losing weight is the last thing on their minds. People don't get fat overnight when everything is going well in their lives. Obesity is often a symptom of emotional starvation.

      February 4, 2012 at 11:37 | Report abuse |
    • freeat40

      Did you know that stress squashes desire? Stress over the fact the everyone in my husbands family has had some sort of heart issue. I spent our first years listening to him complain about how they wouldn't take care of themselves and actually he still does. It's like he doesn't see himself in the mirror. His body was not built to carry this weight. He is too young to be walking around like his 70+ dad did because his feet hurt. Imagine the waddling pregnant woman.
      It's not being superficial, its the stress of worrying about his health daily at such a young age that is the biggest turn off. I am 38 he is 42. This is not how I imagined us as a couple with grown kids. Like I said before he has looked pregnant for years and it's just now catching up with me. The visual part is the daily reminder of what can happen if he doesn't take control of his health. So that is the part that is turning me off.
      His trying to blame me for not feeding him right or keeping up with him going to the doctor didn't help in the romance department either. But I feel very strongly about him being in charge of his health. Everyone has to take responsibility for their own actions or it's going to be a constant battle.

      February 4, 2012 at 13:06 | Report abuse |
    • Bob Schmidt

      Right on brother!

      February 4, 2012 at 16:23 | Report abuse |
    • Bob Schmidt

      Hey Jon, he doesn't have an "emotional" problem with fat people; he is simply disgusted by fat people and really who isn't? Fat is pretty disgusting to look at and for sure I wouldn't be interested in fooling around with a fat person either. To put it mildly.

      February 4, 2012 at 16:27 | Report abuse |
    • Paul

      Fat equals lazyness, not caring about yourself or the person you are with, lack of self control. Instead of forcing people to accept you for the worthless piece of lard you are, go on a diet, go to the gym, even get the gastric f'ing by pass for god's sake.

      February 4, 2012 at 19:25 | Report abuse |
    • Christian

      The words are harsh, but deep down most of us know – you are right.

      February 4, 2012 at 21:36 | Report abuse |
    • miscreantsall

      Well said DSBsky……….others that don't agree are part of the problem.

      I say, let them be fat, let them be unable to enjoy one of life's freebies (sex), let them get sick and die, let them have their non-medical excuses and "stories", let them be! It IS their choice!

      Not happy about my tax dollars being allocated to take care of them or having to deal with a "manatee" sitting next to me on an airplane BUT that's the price of living in a "society" of people.


      February 5, 2012 at 08:36 | Report abuse |
    • Sandy

      You might want to fix that pea brain of yours while your at it. I’m 110 lbs and was 408. I have rolls of skin that need taken off and I go to the gym five times a week. People like you make me sick. Why are you even on this. Site if this offends you? Go find a closed minded, unhappy, unhealthy site where you belong.

      July 16, 2019 at 17:44 | Report abuse |
  3. NoFatties2012

    I just hope they don't film this and it ends up on You Tube. And this article basically says it is OK to be fat. It isn't!!

    February 3, 2012 at 13:23 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Crapola!

      I'm a woman, in my 70's and I'm fat as a hog. Low self esteem? Not hardly. Sorry, kiddoes, but my hubby can't keep up with me, I want so much sex. Sure would like to lose weight but all of you folks out there who think that fat people are suffering from low self esteem are pathetic to me in how you do not know other people. And oh please stop talking about how unhealthy it is unless you want to talk about everything else that we humans do that is killing us. Some of you guys here are so clueless about what a real woman is that I hope you don't get any thin or otherwise. You need to go to the shop and get yourself a device. You can't deal with real women.

      February 3, 2012 at 17:11 | Report abuse |
    • Critic

      You didn't actually read the article, did you?

      February 3, 2012 at 22:38 | Report abuse |
    • PumpNDump

      Crapola! Fat and over 70? That's not a "real woman". That's a beast that should wear a tent. Please cut the long way next time.

      February 4, 2012 at 21:31 | Report abuse |
    • Buckhippo

      At the woman who is over 70, I think your hub can't keep up cuz you are over 70 and larger than life. I mean really. When does a woman's sex drive out pace a man's? When the man has no interest in taking one for the team. Throw a healthy 50 year old at your man, and I bet he tosses the Viagra and still has an erection lasting more than 4 hours. I'm glad you have a strong self esteem; you probably need it to make it through the day.

      February 4, 2012 at 22:40 | Report abuse |
    • ZacJ

      Ok to be fat? Are you talking about the morality of obesity? Why do you care if someone else is fat, as long as they pay for the extra costs of any increased health risk. Are you suggesting that if someone is fat, even if it is 100% there own fault, they should not be told how to enhance their sex life if it is suffering?

      Of course it is ok to be fat, just as it is ok to drink, smoke, drive a car, go mountain climbing, sky diving and so forth. As long as the person accepts the associated risks and pays for them when they come. Is it advisable? No, but we all take risks and it is up to us to choose what types of risks we take. If someone chooses to be sedentary and overeat and it is affecting their sex life, should they have to lose weight before you dain to allow them to have sex? If there are ways to improve the sex life of those who are obese should that knowledge be withheld simply because you want fat people to suffer more?

      Your only complaint should be any way in which our healthcare system forces you or me to pay for the actions of others. If that is the case your complaint should be with things like medicare or medicaid or government forcing insurance companies to keep rates artificially low for individuals who live unhealthy lifestyles. In short, your complaint should be with government, not with fat people.

      February 15, 2012 at 08:57 | Report abuse |
  4. feline 123

    I sometimes see a grossly overweight couple with young children and I wonder how they managed to get close enough to each other to procreate. The male must be built like a rotoeater.

    February 3, 2012 at 16:38 | Report abuse | Reply
  5. B

    The article says: "Some research even suggests that heavier people may enjoy a few extra benefits in the bedroom: A 2008 study in “Obstetrics & Gynecology” looked at more than 7,000 women and found that those who were overweight were actually slightly more likely to report having had sex with men than their slimmer counterparts." Anybody who has been to a bar at some point in their lives realizes that this is not because they're fat and having a better sex life. It's because most of the time, heavier people, women especially, have low self-esteem and men think that they're give in easier than a really attractive thin woman. Men think they don't have to try as hard. I hope tihs isn't a real scientific study. It's just a silly thing to bring up.

    February 3, 2012 at 16:41 | Report abuse | Reply
  6. NotSoFast

    I'm a middle aged female. Technically obese. I would like to lose weight yeah but this "get your fat ass to the gym" talk, if my man said that to me, his ass, fat or not, would be out of my life so fast he'd think a tsunami hit him. I am older than I've ever been, fatter than I've ever been, and also having the best sex I've ever had in my life. Yes, I am trying to lose weight, sorry I gained it, but life happens. But the day that a man speaks disrespectfully to me, he's a goner. I have NO tolerance, ZERO for anyone who speaks disrespectually to me about anything. When people speak down to me because I'm overweight, I am damn fast to point out that they don't have my beauty, my money, my etc. I can always come back at any loser who comes at me because I'm fat.

    February 3, 2012 at 17:00 | Report abuse | Reply
    • James

      *yawn* so what? I hope that goes both ways. It's pretty easy to drop someone at the slightest hint of being disrespectful, but sooner or later you might run out of people to drop. Sounds like any guy who is with you had better walk on eggshells because if he screws up once he's done. Glad I'm not in that relationship.

      February 3, 2012 at 18:49 | Report abuse |
    • Glen

      while I agree people have to have self esteem and self worth when their partner talks to them, I think that being open to some criticism is healthy. It is easy to say "ya we'll i've made a lot of money" or "i'm pretty in the face" to dodge the real issue which is: your partner is concerned that being overweight could mean you'll die sooner. Be proud of your accomplishments, and don't let people belittle them with just calling you fat for the sake of bringing you down, but be open to general concern about an issue that you yourself admit you've let get a little out of control...

      February 3, 2012 at 18:55 | Report abuse |
    • @Glen

      No, the issue is not that your partner is worried about you dying too soon. No one here has brought that up. The people saying "get your fat ass to the gym" don't care about their partner's health; they only care about their partner being physically attractive.

      February 3, 2012 at 22:44 | Report abuse |
    • Mike

      not too hard to not be obese. eat healthy and not too much and walk more. pounds will melt. I'm losing weight like crazy just by controlling the calorie intake and with moderate exercise. lost 4 pounds in 2 weeks. and i'm over 30.

      February 3, 2012 at 23:26 | Report abuse |
    • PumpNDump

      Listen up, fatso. Nothing is hot or attractive about a fat pig like you. Lol

      February 4, 2012 at 21:32 | Report abuse |
    • Relictus

      Fat hog on the outside, fat hog on the inside. Simple. All the women my age are staring menopause in the face – and add obesity to that? Forget it.

      February 5, 2012 at 09:08 | Report abuse |
    • Mike

      Constructive criticism is different that being downright disrespectful. How in their right mind is going to tell their partner "get your fat ass to the gym". Get off it, that's not what happens in the real world.

      Don't blow off the handle every time someone recommends a fitness program to you and start talking about your BMWs and money.

      And yes, this NOT only about health, and does have a lot to do with physical attractiveness. But whats wrong with that. You would rather have people in sham relationships? People who aren't even sexually attracted to each other? Studies have shown that these relationships simply DON'T WORK, and become toxic in no time. You need to be sexually attracted to your partner in order for the relationship to be healthy, plain and simple.

      February 9, 2012 at 14:56 | Report abuse |
  7. LovesAll ofMe

    When I was younger I had a great body. I had no "intentions" of gaining weight and used to roll my eyes and say "I'll never let myself get that way." Well, here I am now, several years later, tipping the scale at 185 lbs on my 5'4" frame. For those of you who think it's just a matter of getting one's fat @$$ off the couch you have NO clue what you"re talking about. It's not all about laziness and it's not all about self-esteem: it's a sad combination of both. Thankfully my husband is a sensitive and loving person who realizes that.

    What "skinny" people don't realize is that when as a person gradually gains weight, they feel the same "inside." Their personality doesn't change. I saw the differences in my body as I changed, but inside I felt like the same me! I'm not happy being at the weight I am, and I realize the only person who can fix it is "me." But I also realize that it's not going to be a life-long change until I'm ready to make the changes needed. So in the meantime, my husband will remain the love of my life, my best-friend, and my lover. And I'll do my best not to gain more weight and to lose what I can. So, those of you skinny people out there who roll your eyes at us "fatties"... be careful! Karma is a biotch!

    February 3, 2012 at 17:07 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Bob Schmidt

      Stop eating so god damed much!

      February 4, 2012 at 16:33 | Report abuse |
    • Paul

      What a bunch of bologne. Wait dont eat this sentence please!!

      February 4, 2012 at 19:30 | Report abuse |
    • Relictus

      Thin people don't understand? Ha. No, we understand all to well. Why are my health insurance rates skyrocketing? It is because of the cost of all the fatties and smokers. And I watched coworkers balloon up to 185 lbs. I know exactly what the mentality is. You let yourself go, plain and simple. Why lie to us?

      February 5, 2012 at 09:12 | Report abuse |
  8. Wow.

    "103 seconds for thinner men" is the time they last in bed? Wow. No wonder there are a lot of dissatisfied wonen out there!

    February 3, 2012 at 17:11 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Slippery

      Fat woman here. But also beautiful woman here. Inside and out. I was at the gym the other day , on the treadmill I was, and this skinny man comes up and sex to me, "Hard isn't it?" I didn't have a clue what he was talking about. Then he said, "I feel sorry for heavy people. They have such a hard time of it." Excuse me? What is the IT to which he referred? He kept trying to make an issue with me, so finally I said, "Feel sorry for yourself, friend. When I look in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman who is deeply in love with the world's most perfect man, and he loves me back the same way. I happen to know that your wife just left you for a younger man. Yeah, it's all over the gym. She's talkin' how you weren't any fun in the bed so she got a replacement. I feel so sorry for skinny men who can't keep their women happy." HA HA> He was so stunned he couldn't even walk out of the gym with his head up. He got what he deserved.

      February 3, 2012 at 17:38 | Report abuse |
    • Paul

      It's funny reading the comments to see how delusional fat people are. The really think is not their fault, it just happened to them, and that everyone loves them and desires them the same as if they had a great body. HOLY CRAP.

      February 4, 2012 at 19:33 | Report abuse |
    • Relictus

      If 30% of the women are fat hogs, small wonder that the men are ... "small wonders". Vile.

      February 5, 2012 at 09:14 | Report abuse |
  9. Greg

    Maybe I'm the only one that feels this way, But I prefer chubby girls! they are softer and more cuddly, and I love that!

    February 3, 2012 at 17:58 | Report abuse | Reply
    • JollyFatty

      nah, you ain't the only guy who likes a woman who's cuddley and not so obsessed with her body that she spends more time at the gym than she does holding hands with you. My guy feels that way about me. And my guy is overweight. We are happy together. I won't even look at a thin guy, they are so struck on themselves. I have found that fat boys are into pleasing ME. And that's what I look for in a man, a guy who wants to take his pleasure from giving me mine. When I find a feller like that, which I have found, then I'll go the distance for him in more ways than one.

      February 3, 2012 at 18:10 | Report abuse |
    • James

      I like a little padding yes, but the key here is a *little* padding. Seems like to a lot of women "a little" means 150 lbs overweight. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask that a partner puts as much effort into staying fit as I do. That doesn't mean being a gym rat, it just means making some attempt to eat healthy and be active in some way every day. That could be as simple as taking a walk every day and not pigging out every night.

      February 3, 2012 at 18:53 | Report abuse |
  10. erin

    If your sex life suffers because you or your partner are a little overweight, that's really yours or your partner's mental probelm. Who doesn't gain a bit of weight after having kids or getting a little older? PLease! If you can't keep your marriage together because of a few pounds, then you shouldn't have gotten married in te first place!

    February 3, 2012 at 20:48 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Buckhippo

      Erin, this is the problem in the western societies. Last time I traveled and worked in under-developed countries, the adults in their 50s and 60s looked like they were fit and ten years younger. So stop believing that aging is an automatic verdict for gaining weight; it isn't. It's the food you eat, the lack of activity you have, and the sedentary lifestyle you are accustomed to leading. Try being 60 and walking 10 miles a day to get food and water, and tell me how aging then makes you fat. People in America will try to justify their laziness by whatever excuse they can think of instead of just being honest that they eat horrible foods and sit on their rears all day. Think outside of the bubble you live in. You may be surprised by what you learn.

      February 4, 2012 at 22:22 | Report abuse |
    • SirSpeaksIt

      A little? 1/3 of Americans are obese.

      February 5, 2012 at 01:04 | Report abuse |
    • Relictus

      "A few pounds" ... a lot of women these days would have been circus attractions fifty years back.

      February 5, 2012 at 09:16 | Report abuse |
    • ArchieDeBunker

      If this article had been written 15 years ago, and all the people weighed exactly the same as they do now, "1/3 of the people" wouldn't be classified as "obese." About 1/10th of the people would be classified as "obese." The FDA, which is part of the rotten nanny-ist Federal Government, now overwhelmed by Liberal "thinking" "thought" it would be a good idea to arbitrarily lower the weight at which a given individual was classified as obese. I am 5'9" and weigh between 175 and 185 most of the time. I run a 5K three times a week, and work out with weights as well. The reason I weigh as much as I do is because my body has a lot of muscle – which is more dense than fat tissue. When I went to the "Health Fair" last year the guy looked me straight in the eye after he weighed me and said "According to the governments standards, you are obese!" Then he started laughing . . . .

      February 5, 2012 at 23:44 | Report abuse |
  11. Emms

    Losing weight is just all-around beneficial (if you're actually overweight). I'm a female. I'm 5"8' and in high school, I weighed 220lbs. I had low self-esteem, I was picked on, and I didn't even like having pictures taken of myself. Now, 3 years later, I'm down to 175 lbs with 30% body fat, which I'm still overweight but my body fat percentage is normal. I still have about 25 lbs to go, but I have to say, I am MUCH MUCH more happier and healthier than I was back then. In the end, you shouldn't lose the weight for anyone but YOURSELF. You have to really want it. Just saying you do and actually doing it are two different things. It's not easy, but nothing in life worth having ever is. Good luck to everyone who's trying to lose weight! I'll be right there struggling with you.

    February 3, 2012 at 21:01 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Buckhippo

      You are absolutely incredible and I cannot thank you enough for sharing that with us. You have showed up so many adults, and you will inspire others. Stay on message and live strong.

      February 5, 2012 at 20:49 | Report abuse |
  12. LOL

    All this talk...I'm fat and bueatiful and my man/woman loves me. Great for all you. YES some men prefer / find larger women very attractive and some women find overweight men very attractive. Again if you are overweight and with one of those then life is great.

    The problem is when you busted your butt to fit in the skinny jeans to attract your man or you did a million curls to rip the arm holes out of your shirt to attract the woman...and when you get them, fast forward 15 years and your turn into a schlub or schlubette. That is the problem. And if you truly cannot look your mate in the eyes today and honestly answer the question that if you did not know your mate would you be physically attracted to them as they are now, then I feel sad for you and your mate is doing you a dis-service.

    February 3, 2012 at 21:58 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Mike

      eat healthy and walk more, you'll be surprised.

      February 3, 2012 at 23:25 | Report abuse |
    • freeat40

      Ooh that's a good one LOL. I have asked myself, in the last year, the question 'if i was single would I be attracted to my husband'. I came up with yes. I think if I was single I would end up with the same type of person. I just can't handle the health aspects of i thought. I don't handle stress well. The daily worry of his health is the kicker for me. If his blood pressure was fine and he would stick with a doctor, And his fat wasn't all right there close to his heart and making him breathe hard when he is just sitting, things would be good. Several people have posted about being superficial. Well my husband is also bald, with graying facial hair, and growing hair on his back. And I don't find any of that turning me off like that belly reminding me his heart is in danger.

      February 4, 2012 at 14:26 | Report abuse |
    • LOL

      @ freeat40 :

      "Ooh that's a good one LOL. I have asked myself, in the last year, the question 'if i was single would I be attracted to my husband'. I came up with yes."

      You do confuse me a little bit girl. Guess that is why men are from Mars, you can finish the sentence. You said yes to my question BUT then you put this in your first post.

      "He was nothing but muscle when we met and I've always been the one worried I would end up fat..."

      Speaking strictly about physical attraction and not personality, to put that sentence above in your first post makes me believe that one reason for the physical attraction you had to him was "He was nothing but muscle.." and now you can honestly sit there and answer yes to my question if you were single now you would be physically attracted to him considering he has replaced all that muscle with fat. Not trying to be a jerk by any means, but the two seem to be polar opposites of each other.

      But to be fair I will throw it back on me. My wife is obviously NOT physically attracted to overweight men and had I been as fat as I allowed myself to get [for a short time] when we met, she would have been polite because she is a nice woman but she also would have shown me the door. That by the way is consistency.

      February 4, 2012 at 18:57 | Report abuse |
    • freeat40

      @LOL my long response is down below. I am not savvy with computer this evening, and definitely not with words.

      Maybe that's why my husband gained weight. I keep him confused. 😉

      February 4, 2012 at 21:57 | Report abuse |
  13. candace123


    February 3, 2012 at 22:03 | Report abuse | Reply
    • LOL

      Hey if he doesn't mind then more power to you. Granted you both have grown older together and lived with the affects of the aging process but if he takes care of himself and cares about his health / fitness / appearance and you did not simply age with him but you also let yourself go then yes that could be a problem. And I suppose had he let himself go you would love him and find him as irresistable as you once did. Remember the pendulum swings both ways.

      Ignoring the aging process for a moment since we all age and focusing on the idea of letting yourself go, I never again want my wife to look at me with the marriage goggles you know the ones. The goggles that allow you to look past your spouses protruding belly and flabby chest because we took vows or have a child, or we have history together. No never again. She takes care of herself and has NOT let herself go therefore that would be doing my wife a dis-service and she deserves better from me.

      February 3, 2012 at 23:41 | Report abuse |
    • Buckhippo

      Lord have mercy, do you think that just because you age you get fat? honestly? It's a matter of respecting yourself and not letting yourself go. Fat people just need to get HEALTHY and the rest takes care of itself. No one wants to grow old with a cow who will eventually get diabetes, hypertension, heart disease etc. Take care of your health and the world is your oyster. Let yourself go, and you will only have yourself to blame.

      February 4, 2012 at 22:16 | Report abuse |
    • SirSpeaksIt

      Yeah it gives him the right.

      February 5, 2012 at 01:03 | Report abuse |
    • Relictus

      100 lbs to 140 pounds is an increase of 40%! MY God, you blew up like the girl in "Willy Wonka and the chocolate factory". You did not gain a "little weight", you almost doubled in size – around the waist, hips, ass. OF COURSE he left.

      February 5, 2012 at 09:19 | Report abuse |
    • freeat40

      That's a bit harsh. She may not have looked healthy at 100. 140 on an average frame at middle age looks healthy and pleasantly curvy in the right places. I'm in the same boat she is and I am loving my shape more now than when I has 18. My husband isn't happy I lost a bit of weight recently. But I am not putting weight back on for him. I love my legs again, I will never get over 140 again.

      February 5, 2012 at 10:58 | Report abuse |
  14. Mike

    more cushin for the pushin hehehe...riding a girl with some meat on her bones is definitely comfortable.
    but too much and you get lost in the folds of fat, only Ron Jeremy can get in all the way, but he's too busy banging hotties.

    February 3, 2012 at 23:24 | Report abuse | Reply
  15. Mike

    to all who say losing weight is hard, well, it's not. just don't gorge yourself with crappy carb loaded processed food.

    February 3, 2012 at 23:27 | Report abuse | Reply
  16. Frankly

    The more fit you are, the more attractive you'll be and the better sex you'll have.

    February 4, 2012 at 01:02 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Liliangrae

      True and not true. The more healthy and fit a person is they more energized they will be. But as a woman, I have to admit I do not find muscular body types attractive, I don't like obese men attractive either. But someone who is built like say Adam Levine or Ryan Gosling, that is just not attractive to me. Hard in the wrong places.

      February 4, 2012 at 10:19 | Report abuse |
  17. justAthought

    I like fat chicks. I bend 'em over, drape a blanket over them, and pretend I'm f***ing the kitchen table. Plus, they're ALL down to take it in the A$$. Fat girls rock. Best dumpsters around. And they're so grateful for it.

    February 4, 2012 at 06:50 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Buckhippo

      Please don't feed the animals.

      February 4, 2012 at 22:11 | Report abuse |
  18. TruthIS

    A pretty girl is a pretty girl. My girl has gained and lost weight (pregnancy, life, whatever) and it always seems to be perfect. I like her with a little extra jiggle, I like her with abs. The only time I discuss weight with her is when she brings it up because she'd like to lose a little or maybe gain a bit. It's a neutral issue in our relationship. And in the spirit of full disclosure, I've done the same .. and she was as great to me when I was tipping the scales at close to 300# as she is with me at 240#.

    February 4, 2012 at 06:59 | Report abuse | Reply

    Your girl gains weight (say, more than 15 ponds), hell yes, divorce her. Tell her she has three months or she can take her dumpy butt to the curb. So nasty. Why do you think they have obesity guidelines? Nobody wants to look at that cottage cheese butt on the beach. OMG it is so nasty. Diaper butt. Bingo wings. Gross. I think they should lobby bikini manufacturers and demand that they not produce anything above a size 4. That's reasonable, right? I mean, these big chicks can stay home and eat or, if they have to, cut a hole in the middle of a blanket and drape that over their pumpkin. WHO THE HELL WANTS TO LOOK AT THAT? Spring is coming, then summer. I dread cruising around looking at all the mommas who think they have i going on when in reality they're disgusting fhat a$$es.

    February 4, 2012 at 07:06 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Quinn

      Do you really think everyone on the planet will look the same at age 40 that they did at age 20? So many of you sound so superficial. There is more to a relationship than how "hot" your spouse looks. If they treat you like a king/queen, does that not matter at all???

      February 5, 2012 at 21:37 | Report abuse |
  20. Liliangrae

    I think it is funny that most of the comments are about women gaining weight. Husbands gain weight too, at least most women tend to gain weight due to having kids, menopause and the difficulties with lose weight afterwards. Men don't get pregnant or have any hormonal fluctuations yet they gain weight. It is for better or for worse people/

    February 4, 2012 at 10:22 | Report abuse | Reply
  21. John

    Well, it's not as if people can't lose weight. Every single person on earth has absolute control over what they put into their mouth. Just don't eat so much. Get some exercise. Problem solved.

    February 4, 2012 at 11:30 | Report abuse | Reply
  22. Bud

    I'm a man over 60. In my youth I married a beauty queen for her looks. She married me for my ability to bring home the bacon. Well, over forty years she got tired of trying to look like a beauty and I got tired of working like a dog for a big house and new cars every year. So I got off her case about her weight or her anything else that was aging. And she got off my case about the money. She now looks like 20% of what she used to look like and I'm bringing home 20% of the money I used to bag. Guess what? We are both FAR happier. She's relaxed in her jeans, I'm relaxed in an old jeep, we are discovering that happines is not about what we look like or what we can buy. It's about just enjoying one another as people. These years truly are golden for us because we finally got our values and appreciation for one another in the right position. The rest of y'all got a lot of growing up to do to get where me and the old lady are. Good luck.

    February 4, 2012 at 11:42 | Report abuse | Reply
    • SirSpeaksIt

      Stop trying to rationalze

      February 5, 2012 at 00:47 | Report abuse |
    • Relictus

      My health care costs are increasing because of the increase in nasty fat people. This is not about being "who you are" as much as it is about being responsible – to yourself, and to others.

      February 5, 2012 at 09:23 | Report abuse |
    • Chartreuxe

      Bud, you're dispensing wisdom to deaf and blind fools. These youngsters' brains aren't yet working properly. Time and education will cure most. They're so stupid they're not even aware that they're participating in bigotry and hate speech. They direct all this anger against an entire group of human beings. Want to bet that every single one of them has at least one member of their own family who qualifies as obese? Wonder what that family member would say about these diatribes?

      Thanks for sharing the story of your sweet romance with those of us who can appreciate it. It's nice to know that there are relationships that have work.

      February 5, 2012 at 19:19 | Report abuse |
  23. SunBadger

    20 years ago I weighed 42 now at 200 at 6'4" I am normal.. I never ate junk but large portions. The idea that you can muster self will and eat a normal diet and you will resume a normal life /appearance is bs. Dieting does not work if it did there would not be so many obese people. It is not a failure of morals or lack of will power it is a bio chemical thing, like your gut secretes Serotonin. So in my case I buged them for years until they said ok we will do it. The only thing it interfered with was eating out, appetizer for me. No woman want to be involved with a 400 lbs slug like fat man. So no sex. Down at 200lbs still no sex. Just loss that skill set and 100% disabled vetera. It those fat years I lost all self esteem and it never came back, oh well. At least it is nice to be able to sit behind a car wheel or fit in at a dinner table. Who knows I am an attractive, really nice, good guy, well educated, love to talk and laugh. Maybe it time everything will change. But to all those "pull yourself by your own bootstrap" you have not a clue as to what you are talking about, not a clue!

    February 4, 2012 at 11:59 | Report abuse | Reply
    • SunBadger ask freeat40 for coffee?

      I use to weigh 420 lbs. Laying on the floor was a problem because you needed things to hold onto to get back up. That was a real problem. You are socially isolated; single and morbidly obese do not go together.

      February 4, 2012 at 12:34 | Report abuse |
  24. Amy

    I guess I don't have to worry about the over weight problem. Married 45 yaers and my husband only had sex with me once, that was on our wedding night. I guess once was enough for him. Now were not over weight, and sex would have been great. But he just refused to have sex. Retired now and I've forgotten about sex, the things I can't forget is the lonelyness, anger, depression and hate.

    February 4, 2012 at 16:32 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Chartreuxe

      Sounds like something was wrong with your husband, Amy. You're still here. Call Social Services and try to get some help. There's no reason to live in misery.

      February 5, 2012 at 19:22 | Report abuse |
    • Chartreuxe

      Amy, your husband might have been gay. You didn't deserve to be treated this way. Get some help, you deserve some happiness in life. You don't have to life with anger, bitterness and hate. It's not to late while you're still alive. Therapy can help you sort this out.

      February 6, 2012 at 11:00 | Report abuse |
  25. TJ

    Just sharpen two pencils and stick them in her ears, dragging her head down and yell "Whip some skull on me!"

    February 4, 2012 at 17:56 | Report abuse | Reply
  26. Buckhippo

    I agree with the original poster. Fat is the tell tale sign that someone is LAZY. Period. Sure, make excuses about gland problems, blah blah blah. Being with someone who is lazy, fat, not interested in their own health, can't motivate themselves to better themselves is someone I do NOT want to be with. I take care of myself and I expect my partner to do the same. And, it's really not that hard to get fit. Just have to put in the effort.

    February 4, 2012 at 18:39 | Report abuse | Reply
    • kacierae

      It is NOT just lazy period. I was 5'6" and 103lbs until I was 34. I had to start taking meds and was up to 126 within 5 months. I still exercised and still kept gaining until I was 183lbs!!!!! I went to the gym 3 to 5 days a week for over 2 hours with at least 30 minutes on 3 different aerobic machines. In 9 months of doing this I managed to GAIN a lb. I went off the meds and lost 30lbs in 6 weeks. Of course then I got really sick. Was it worth it? I don't know, I still haven't recovered but I am now down to 125lbs. I still feel fat.

      February 5, 2012 at 11:28 | Report abuse |
    • Quinn

      I don't suppose any of you men take antidepressants? That's guaranteed to put at least 20 pounds on the average person, male or female. My boyfriend would rather have me 20 pounds over my ideal weight than suicidal.

      February 5, 2012 at 19:20 | Report abuse |
    • Chartreuxe

      Compulsive overeating and Food Addiction are psychological diseases, just as Anorexia and Bulimia are psychological diseases. Since you've no idea what you're writing about, perhaps you should keep your fingers off your keyboard.

      Your 'advice' is useless since you're completely clueless about this topic.

      But, hey, stay in school and don't do drugs. Be sure to go to college and do try to make something of yourself, but whatever you do, don't study Psychology, You've already missed that boat.

      February 5, 2012 at 19:30 | Report abuse |
    • Buckhippo


      February 5, 2012 at 20:56 | Report abuse |
  27. Paul

    Unless you are a chubby chaser, no man is attracted to fat women. They can say whatever they want, but no man ever says "I hope I meet a nice fat woman". It's the truth.

    February 4, 2012 at 19:21 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Mike

      No woman is attracted to insensitive louts.

      February 5, 2012 at 10:34 | Report abuse |
  28. Grace

    Some of you people are idiots, I hope you or anyone you are supposed to love never gets a disease or gets a sickness where they have to take medications that make you gain weight. You will be out the door!!! Some obese people are that way or become that way by taking some medications...please don't judge people unless you know them. Some people have to take prednisone or other medications everyday of there life just to be able to get out of the bed every morning. I hope you never have to walk a mile in those shoes...from someone who does everyday of my life but I am thankful and very blessed to be here to write this!!!!!! You people should be ashamed!!!!!!

    February 4, 2012 at 21:38 | Report abuse | Reply
    • SirSpeaksIt

      Keep eating those burgers and pizza

      February 5, 2012 at 00:49 | Report abuse |
    • hahaha

      that's why the divorce rate is over 50%. And then they cry that they can't find anyone to love them. Maybe because they're horrible people?

      February 5, 2012 at 01:18 | Report abuse |
    • Buckhippo

      Grace, it's people like you that are so stupid it blows my mind. We are NOT talking about disease, medications, whatever. We are talking about the FAT people who ATE their way to OBESITY. Stop trying to see things in one way. There is a REALITY that there is an obseity epidemic in this country, the only country on the planet that has this problem. The VAST MAJORITY of fat people in this country do NOT have disease or med side effects. They eat poorly and are inactive. So, in reality, YOU should be ASHAMED of yourself for being too stupid to see the big picture (pun intended).

      February 5, 2012 at 11:06 | Report abuse |
  29. freeat40

    Yes I realized after I posted it was confusing. But at my age honestly, if I met him now looking like he does I would (at least at first) be attracted. We were both very attractive in our twenties. We were both hard working single parents. I was waiting tables when this man with striking blue eyes and his child sat at one of my tables. I was impressed with the fact a man was having dinner with just his well behaved 2 year old. I couldn't quit chatting him up that night so he was most likely impressed I was working two jobs and in the same situation having a 2 year old myself. I think for us at the time, being attractive was just a bonus.
    Now there are too many negative memories that make me hate his belly. Him complaining about his dad not taking care of his heart health. Him making a big deal about my sister getting fat. He picks on his friends girlfriends that have gained weight. Early last year I figured I would just join him and not care about what I look like. Then somehow it just hit me that I didn't want to sink with the ship so I lost 20 lbs. I still am going to lose more maybe he'll join me eventually. But even then I didn't realize we were limited in sexual positions due to his belly. That happened when I felt a need to create a spark with something different. I was in the kitchen getting a drink and thought I would just walk back in the living room and start grinding on him with a lap dance. I walked in the living room with a big smile, took one look at him and realized I wouldn't get to what I wanted. So I sat down and my silly little brain started thinking about things.I've had all kinds of fantasies I will never be able create when these kids leave home if that belly is still there.

    February 4, 2012 at 21:48 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Buckhippo

      Just get out while you can. We don't get any younger and his belly will not get any smaller as he ages and his metabolism goes to nothing. Sex is important in a relationship and if you can't do that with him, it won't be long before you have an affair. Mentally, I'm sure you already are....

      February 4, 2012 at 22:00 | Report abuse |
    • freeat40

      How'd you guess that?! just kidding. I get too much attention from other men and one in particular has been paying too much attention. The only thing I can guess I'm doing for that is smiling a bit too much when they talk to me. I am a good wife and will not act on anything though. And yes I smile plenty for my husband too. I just want him to keep his shirt on.

      There is no guarantee the next lover won't get fat over time, so is there really a point to leaving? Maybe that's why some people stay single.

      February 4, 2012 at 22:19 | Report abuse |
    • Buckhippo

      There is no guarantee the next guy you date will not get fat, but you can pick a guy with some sense of health consciousness which has this great side effect of being fit. Finding someone who gives a damn about their health is what's important and when they live by the principles of wanting to be healthy, then your chances are that he won't become walking sack of lard. I for one am a vegan that refuses to eat processed foods and I make it a point to work out three times a week for just an hour. People think I'm in my early 30s when in fact I am almost 40. It's a choice. Also, depends on where you live too. If you live in the South (except for some progressive areas), chances are you are overweight. Best of luck to you! For me, I love sex waaaaayyy too much to let myself go! I enjoy being with a sexy woman and I want her to enjoy herself. How could she if she can't even find the organ that's supposed to pleasure her?!

      February 4, 2012 at 22:31 | Report abuse |
    • freeat40

      My husband was super fit when I met him! Went to the gym all the time. Ate healthy and complained that his family didn't do the same so I thought he would always be fit. We were both really fit for a long time. Then he quit going to the gym when he got a hand injury. He refused to go because he couldn't lift the weight he used to. I kept going for a long time trying to encourage him to get back. I eventually had to quit because the people there who knew us thought we were having marital problems because he wasn't with me.

      February 4, 2012 at 23:27 | Report abuse |
    • Buckhippo

      I think the people there are correct that you guys are having marital problems! If you do want to make it work, you need to figure out why he quit going. My thoughts are it wasn't just his hand injury but something else. Maybe something more psychological. I would try to really get to the core of why he thinks like he does now about wellness. Trying to understand it from his perspective is the first step in your process to determine if his behavior can be changed.

      February 5, 2012 at 10:36 | Report abuse |
    • Chartreuxe

      Buckhippo, all your fat is inside your head.

      February 5, 2012 at 19:50 | Report abuse |
    • Buckhippo

      Chartreuxe: I can have an opinion and so can you. And I sure as heck didn't write this article. But think about this: the sheer fact that this article even exists on a major news network's website speaks volumes about the issue at hand: Obesity.

      Do I go around with a bat trying to beat the fat out of obese people? No. These are comments on a website. Do I wish we were a healthier nation, like our European or even Asian counter parts? Oh god yes I do. But we as a nation will NEVER fix our economy AND healthcare system if we ignore the problems we face or try to be "sensitive" to how everyone feels. Facts are facts and you can't hide from them no matter how nice or rude you are.

      Yes, I have posted a lot here. Why? Because I am passionate about this topic. I have one of the toughest degrees you can get and I am very active in healthcare. I am also a published author and will not reveal my name here because I enjoy the anonymity of my comments in this raucous discussion. It has been very entertaining and in the end, hopefully, thought provoking for others.

      February 5, 2012 at 21:22 | Report abuse |
    • LOL

      @ freeat40:

      Couple things (hopefully you get this). First you reply to my post / question was very well written so kudos for that. Two, your expectations are a little low. Why do I say that. Because from one of your first posts, you mentioned your age and your hubby's. Well I am right in between you and your hubby's age (I'm 39) and although I let myself go for a short while I am back and as good or better than I was 15+ years ago when I was in the military. I say this because age has NOTHING to do with being in incredible shape and at 40+ you CAN as good as you were at 20 something if you want to be. Trust me I hear that excuse from way too many women who speak about their overweight, out of shape husbands.

      And lastly, I hear alot of people talking about how important other aspects of marriage (love, emotion, support, understanding, etc.) and I agree BUT physical attraction, physcial desire and physcial / sexual needs is also important and should not be ignored. Having said that, I still say to you, give the hubby one more chance but make it clear to him that you have these physical needs that he is NOT and CANNOT meet at his current weight / physcial prowess and appearance AND if he is unwilling to change then you will find what you need elsewhere. Again this is not superficial or shallow, at 42 which is NOT 72 but at 42 he is doing you a dis-service by letting himself go.

      February 6, 2012 at 09:16 | Report abuse |
    • Chartreuxe

      @Buckhippo: If what you say is true, then your bigotry and prejudice here would shame you in your RL.

      That's the true reason you're anonymous in this forum.

      February 6, 2012 at 11:49 | Report abuse |
  30. Buckhippo

    And to the people who don't realize we are talking about genuine FAT people, get a grip. Stop freaking out just because we are being honest that you fatties got yourself in this mess. We understand if you have a real health problem with side effects and/or medications that can alter your metabolism or cause you to have edema (fluid isn't fat you shallow minded fatties). We are sick of us healthy people having to have to cater to the fatties out there who eat too much, don't get physical activity and then raise children to have the same poor habits they have which will always lead to low self esteem. So take a hint and actually appreciate the point we are making when we say it would be a cold day in heII before we would EVER think about going after a fatty. Period.

    February 4, 2012 at 22:07 | Report abuse | Reply
    • MMR

      You've left many comments stating that you're referring to fat & lazy, not the people who have a real medical issue such as medication weight gain. What I'd like to know–HOW do you know the difference?

      If someone is fat, how do you know if it's from being lazy or having a medical issue? Sometimes, they don't even know.

      I went to the gym so much (and still do) it seems like a 2nd job. I didn't know until recently that my vegetarian diet was making me gain weight because of some severe issues with insulin. The whole grains and fruits I ate along with my vegetables were killing me. I NEVER (and still don't) drink soft drinks, I did so many things right that I would find myself busting out into tears when I would get ready for the day and see myself in the mirror. The disgust that people like you show for the overweight really doesn't help anyone.

      I'm lucky that I've lost and kept off so much weight, and luckier that I was able to find out what was wrong. I'm also lucky that I am in excellent health.

      Although I have no lasting health problems, I have lasting emotional scars. I was nearly suicidal for so long because of my self-hatred. When you work so hard and get no results for so long, it can be quite upsetting. (I've always worked out–even before my insulin problems kicked in) My husband really wanted me to spend more time with him than I spent at the gym. He works out, too, but I did–and still do kinda overdo it.

      Not everybody who has extra weight is lazy. Not everyone eats fast food to get that way. Since I've always made my own food and I've always avoided junk food, it's been easy to keep the weight of–NOW that I know what caused it and how to keep it from happening again. I'll be on my own modified mostly raw/mostly paleo diet for the rest of my life. I'll be working out until I die to keep myself from getting big again. But really, how could you tell just by looking at me how I got that way? You couldn't. How can you tell who is trying and who isn't? You can't. We all have our own problems, and fat people–no matter how they got that way–don't need any more hate than what they put on themselves.

      February 5, 2012 at 14:04 | Report abuse |
    • Buckhippo

      For the millionth time, my comments are NOT directed at those of you who have genuine medical problems. I sympathize with your comments. One can be understanding yet blunt. I am both. I don't in real life judge others by their weight, color, income, whatever. I do try to help anyone less fortunate than me through knowledge and education and tough love. The vast majority of people that are obese didn't get that way from medical problems. They are the ones that need the wake up call. I am sorry for your struggles and wish you all the best. I myself follow an oil-free plant based diet for years now because I do practice what I preach. Best of luck to you.

      February 5, 2012 at 21:30 | Report abuse |
  31. No Fat Chicks

    Sorry, not to sound mean or anything, but when I bend over a honey, I don't expect to be stopped at a 20-degree angle, ya knows what I'm saying.

    The Johnson rule o' thumb, "if she cant put her ankles behind her head, pass on that fat"

    February 4, 2012 at 22:29 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Quinn

      I sure hope you're built like a 25-year-old Brad Pitt to be making an insensitive comment like that.

      February 5, 2012 at 19:24 | Report abuse |
  32. quantavius

    Big mama's got it going on, bro. And they are so insecure they will let you do ANYTHING. The Hershey Hump followed IMMEDIATELY by a BJ. And they are so soft!

    February 5, 2012 at 00:43 | Report abuse | Reply
  33. SirSpeaksIt

    Saw some real pigs at walmart. One woman walking around with a filthy Care Bears Tshirt and her fat beer gut sticking out the bottom, dirty feet and flip flops, a small world menagere of kids and a tramp stamp.... Yeah, must be a slow metabolism, not the frozen pizzas and Doritos her cart was stuffed with that got her to ths sorry state. Perhaps its the south, but the men can be worse. Doughey bald guys with goatees and an obsession with childish junk like xbox, comic books and Star Wars are the norm rather than the exception. The thought of them having sex is truly disgusting.

    February 5, 2012 at 00:59 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Love

      haha what you're talking about has nothing to do with weight and everything to do with WHITE TRASH.

      February 5, 2012 at 01:13 | Report abuse |
    • JollyHippy

      Oh excuse me! and you think that there are no skinny people who are filthy, wearing flip flops, tatoos all over their body, nose and lip piercings, etc etc etc. The thought of one of these skinheads those awful people who look like they are escapees from a concentration camp, you think some of us fatsos want to have sex with YOU? Not hardly.

      February 5, 2012 at 18:28 | Report abuse |
    • Chartreuxe

      Spend lots of your time fantasizing about them having sex, SirSpeaksIt?

      February 5, 2012 at 19:54 | Report abuse |
  34. Love

    I was overweight, I was 180 lbs at 5'3. Now I am 110 pounds. Luckily I lost it in my 20s, so I had no health effects yet, and I have no extra skin now. You CAN lose weight. However. It did take awhile, so don't judge. You can't snap your fingers and get skinny. It takes time to start eating better and working out before you see real results. If you see an overweight person REALLY working it at the gym, don't call them a fatty. THEY ARE TRYING. Now that I'm thin again, sometimes guys will comment on my "great" body and it's a turn off (I'm married anyway, but men are pigs haha). Idk, guys who are obsessed with bodies just seem like skeevy slobs. And by the way, skinny doesn't = healthy either. My uncle is 5'7, 150 pounds, runs 5 miles every day. And he had a heart attack recently!

    With sex stuff, honestly, it's no different now than when I was fat. The only time it was different was when I was pregnant (which is part of the reason I got fat in the first place!) because my stomach was hard from the baby, pregnant belly is not like a squishy fat stomach. Sex with/for someone who is truly morbidly obese is probably different though.

    February 5, 2012 at 01:09 | Report abuse | Reply
  35. j

    I'm just confused why there's so much HATE for overweight people. I'll freely admit, I could eat less and exercise more, but why do you hate me? I definitely don't blame skinny people or society for my weight and I don't try to convince anyone that being overweight is a great choice. But, I'm a very kind and good person- it's fine that you look at me and don't think I'm attractive or even that I'm gross, but why be so cruel? I'm sure I'll get some smart@ss replies about how now that I'm sad I'll probably go stuff my fat face, but for anyone who has a shred of human decency, I'm just asking you to think a little bit about how what you're saying can hurt someone you don't even know. What is the point of that?

    February 5, 2012 at 08:34 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Buckhippo

      These comments are not intended to be personal, just generalizations I'm sure. I have a lot of fat jolly friends and they are wonderful. And I try to get them to eat better and exercise without being pushy. That said, I would NEVER date a fat person, nor do I find fat attractive because it's not about the appearance but about the message it often sends: that not caring genuinely about your health is less important than the instant gratification of eating poor quality food and leading a sedentary lifestyle. And before the myopic masses start yelling at me about genetics, drug side effects, metabolism, remember this is NOT the reason why there is an obesity epidemic in this country. It's because of the horrible inactive life style people in America live. And one only has to look at other countries around the world to appreciate that being fat is a choice, not an inevitable consequence of aging. Period. Now the rest of you can sit and rationalize all you want why its ok to be fat while the rest of the world just pities you.

      February 5, 2012 at 10:44 | Report abuse |
    • Freddo

      The obesity problem in this country is due to BAD DECISIONS – eating too much, eating crap, and not exercising.

      Maintaining a healthy weight is a simple equation – burn off what you consume, and consume decent food to build muscles, bones, etc.

      I am so fed up with fat people whining that "it isn't their fault", and that they should be a specially protected class under the law. IT IS THEIR FAULT – we all have the freedom to make the food and exercise choices ... make bad choices, and you incur the consequences. If you can't fit into that airline seat, it isn't the airlines fault they don't make seats to conform to your fat a$$ – YOU EAT TOO MUCH.

      So the next time you're reaching for a bag of chips, or that extra large sundae, or that third burger ... remember IT'S YOUR CHOICE. Don't whine about addiction, or time, or whatever lame excuse it is you use to not take care of yourself.

      I don't care about your whiny self-esteem issues (get over it, it's just another excuse). Get off your fat a$$ and get down to business.

      At least shows like Biggest Loser show that extremely obese people can trim down. Kind of voids the endless list of excuses.

      February 5, 2012 at 10:59 | Report abuse |
    • PumpNDump

      You worked hard to get fact. Don't expect sympathy or congratulations for it. It's disgusting.

      February 5, 2012 at 16:44 | Report abuse |
    • Chartreuxe

      The obese are the last target of hatred and bigotry for idjits and losers to work out their issues upon.

      Haven't you noticed? They're simply a convenient whipping boy to divert attention from the real problems.

      February 5, 2012 at 20:00 | Report abuse |
  36. Emily

    It's amazing how prejudice people are against overweight and obese people. Very sad to see all the assumptions made and such anger.

    February 5, 2012 at 09:40 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Buckhippo

      Emily: you can't fix a problem unless you acknowledge there is one. There is no easy way to tell a fat person they are fat and send a clear message that being fat is not ok on so many levels. Yes, the fat person knows they are fat, and they simply do nothing about it. So then they should not get upset when we point out that they will eventually have a obesity related health consequence that will add more costs to our already strained healthcare system. Do you politely tell a smoker to stop smoking? You can but that won't help. This is why it's called tough love. And that isn't prejudice. So next time, try to see a bigger picture (pun intended).

      February 5, 2012 at 10:58 | Report abuse |
  37. Mike

    Wow ... I figured there would be a lot of immature comments after reading this article ... and I was right. First off, not everyone who is obese chooses to be that way. Yes most have unhealthy eating habits but it's not like many of these people are genetically predisposed to be skinny. Maintaining a healthy weight is harder as you age because your metabolism switches gears. You have to exercise harder, eat less than you're accustomed to and cut out some stuff altogether.

    February 5, 2012 at 10:32 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Buckhippo

      Mike: you can't fix the obesity epidemic in this country that is adding billions to our already strained healthcare system by sugar coating the problem (pun intended). The vast majority of people are huge because they are very much like herd animals: they eat what they see and not what they need. Studies have also found that when you are direct and blunt with people, you have a better chance of changing their behavior, so long as it is done in a constructive way. Unfortunately, many many people ARE easily misled (look at all the morons voting republican) and the food industry knows this. People need to start thinking. And I mean really thinking.

      February 5, 2012 at 10:51 | Report abuse |
  38. staypositive

    Wow! There are so many disrespectful comments. I've seen ugly fat people and I've seen ugly skinny people. I've seen beautiful fat people and beautiful skinny people. It seems that there are a lot of ugly, low self-esteemed, vain, narcissistic, skinny people commenting. Don't like jelly rolls, cottage cheese, fat a$$-fine that's your preference. Don't like arrogant, muscle bods with god-complexes that's okay too. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Just because you go to the gym and are super fit does not make you a good person. As for the comments about going to the gym, unless you're gonna pay gym membership....quit with that argument. All these negative comments towards "fatties" are a way for you to feel superior". It's obvious there is something unfulfilled in your life if you have to bash others. This must be especially true for some of the posters who have posted more than once. And just so you'll know, I am 5"7 , weigh in at 115, and I have been told I am beautiful inside and out.

    February 5, 2012 at 12:56 | Report abuse | Reply
    • FatHip

      What a fine post you have brought to us. Thank you.

      February 5, 2012 at 17:45 | Report abuse |
  39. PumpNDump

    The only thing I find more offensive than a fat woman? A fat woman who actually deceives herself into thinking she's hot. I'd rather have the skin flayed from my back that pork a fattie.

    February 5, 2012 at 16:43 | Report abuse | Reply
  40. FatHip

    I'm fat. To all of the people out there who are so "grossed out" ... Ok by me. But that's "gross out" goes both ways. I can damn well tell you that I'd far rather be fat than a whole lot of other stuff. To all of you people out there who don't want to pay taxes to support a medical system that has us fatties on it. Tough. I am paying for a whole lot of crap with my tax dollars that I don't want to support. That's how it goes in a Democracy.

    February 5, 2012 at 17:27 | Report abuse | Reply
  41. feekoningin

    The one thing that this story misses is a discussion of obesity and sex from a racial standpoint. I have been undeniably overweight since the birth of my second child. But that hasn't stopped me from being able to date after I got divorced, and as a woman of mixed race, this is with people of all races. What I do find, however, is that Black men are more forgiving. That's because being overweight in Black culture isn't as much of a taboo. In fact, the legacy of Black Americans is that being overweight is a sign of wealth in Africa. Black woman, many of whom are overweight have among the highest recorded self-esteem. So, this is really what a lot of Black people would call a "white" problem. But as a mixed-race woman, it really hasn't been a problem regardless of the direction I went. In fact, I can't imagine feeling that down on myself or allowing a man to disrespect me in that way. My sex life has been great.

    February 5, 2012 at 18:30 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Don't_Generalize

      I'm white. I date well I have a serious relationship with a short fat man who is white. I have found someone of true depth in character who also happens to be the best I ever had. Oh please don't bring me any good looking thin men who think they're hot stuff. I wouldn't give one of them the time of day. Iove my short fatty. He's perfect for me in every way.

      February 5, 2012 at 18:38 | Report abuse |
    • Mike

      It's great that you have high self esteem. That's awesome. Unfortunately it will do nothing to stop your friends and love ones from missing you when you die from weight-associated illnesses before you even turn 50.

      Promoting hate is wrong, but we need to do something. The health care system can't handle it, the population shouldn't be 2/3's overweight, we are killing ourselves!

      February 9, 2012 at 15:29 | Report abuse |
    • BlueCornMoon

      I'm from a mixed background too & when growing up black & Latino men seemed to like more curvy women. Curvy,not obese! HOWEVER !!! There's now a MONSTROUS OBESITY PROBLEM in the black community nowdays. Every day I see black men & women as well as some teenagers & young adults who are well over 200 lbs & more & there's an enormous black guy on " My 600 lb life". It's horrible. It didn't used to be like this 15-20 yrs ago & when I was growing up. I remember a 5th grade class trip to the circus. The fat lady weighed 540 lbs. That's nothing nowdays...folks go over 1000 lbs in some cases. And the people I know...of all races... with diabetes, high blood pressure, bad backs & knees,etc. waddling down the street swaying & rippling because they're almost too fat to walk correctly ! I make sure I keep my weight down. Lifetime member of weight watchers,yoga,pilates,weight training, step aerobics,hiking & powerwalking. Dead diabetics & borderline diabetics on both sides of my family. Not me,folks. Ain't going down that road. People eat too much junk food & the restaurants & fast food joints vie with each other to serve the biggest portions & the worst artery clogging food items.
      And as for attractiveness, I DO NOT find fat men appealing. Letting oneself go like that is UNHEALTHY & DEADLY! Just read that post about the huge lady who needed a special coffinwhen she died from a stroke. I have another post about a local singer whose now semi paralyzed & almost w/o speech due to a stroke. When I see a morbidly obese person I see someone who's not taking care of themselves & not being considerate of the people who love them.

      February 12, 2012 at 01:50 | Report abuse |
  42. Drayre

    I do not agree with the hate a lot of these posts contain however I feel I can safely say that a lot of people here are anti-obesity proponents. So why aren't all of you writing to congress demanding more nutritious meals for our schools? Due to recent legislation pizza is now a vegetable due to the tomato content. Health starts with modeling behavior. A lot of parents are not spending the time to make healthy meals at home anymore. As a result, kids eat sugar for breakfast and grease for lunch and dinner. You are against spending health dollars on obesity related conditions? Then save money by investing in school lunches. The government wants to decrease health costs but at the same time allows grossly unhealthy foods to be served in school thereby contributing to the increasing obesity rates and fueling the rising costs of healthcare. Doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Maybe instead of tearing people down you can do something productive.

    February 5, 2012 at 20:16 | Report abuse | Reply
  43. dx2718

    My obese friends who are married have wonderful lives in the bedroom. I don't get that being fat is any problem with the mechanics – in fact, I've heard it can enhance it. What probably matters most is self-esteem and attraction: if one of the partners doesn't feel attractive, or if one of the partners doesn't find the other one attractive, that's a problem. Otherwise there's no issue. At. All.

    February 5, 2012 at 23:25 | Report abuse | Reply
  44. DesMoiner

    If so many people are overweight (exceeding an arbitrary number), then shoudn't "fat sex" be normal? Maybe they should start making airline seats wider, seatbelts longer, and skinny people should be shunned. Women with curves are HOT! A person's personal eating habits are their own, but if we as a society have decided that fat is OK, then so be it. It's not different than any other societal shift in preference. Live and let live. Besides, who REALLY wants to live into their 80's anyway.

    February 6, 2012 at 06:35 | Report abuse | Reply
  45. Chartreuxe

    All this reminds me of the AIDS epidemic and all the hatred and bigotry directed against those who suffered from the illness and the disease.

    It's just an excuse for abuse of a group of people, some of whom have no control over what happened to them. You cannot tell from the outside which ones are which so how dare you judge any of them?

    If you claim to be religious, or Christian, allow me to quote the New Testament:

    Matthew 7:5 (NIV)

    'You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brothers.'

    Jewish raised as a Christian. These issues touch me deeply.

    February 6, 2012 at 11:54 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Austin

      The sluggard buries his hand in the dish; He is weary of bringing it to his mouth again (26:15).

      February 9, 2012 at 11:08 | Report abuse |
    • Buckhippo

      It's clear that you have some bigger mental issues. To compare HIV to obesity is like comparing a plane crash to parachuting. People who have gotten HIV in the early understanding of the disease did not know how or what was killing them and they certainly had no idea how to prevent it at the time. Now we have a much better understanding of a disease caused by a virus. The vast majority of obesity cases are due to poor diet and lack of activity.. And it is reversible.

      AIDS isn't reversible. To even group AIDs patients with obese patients who lack the motivation, effort, and will power of conquering their self inflicted condition is the ultimate insult to AIDS patients who have gotten a disease often unknowingly (ie blood transfusions, rape, etc.).If you're on a plane and it crashes, that isn't your fault. If you get on a plane and decide to jump off thinking you will be ok, that's your fault. Obese people too often make poor choices and then they expect sympathy from those of us who strive to be healthy. So, please. Save your elementary arguments for the less intelligent because you clearly have revealed more to us about your depth of perception than any moral point you were trying to make.

      February 9, 2012 at 12:07 | Report abuse |
  46. Jane

    Well, Have you heard SeniorsSingleDating.com? It's the best and most effective senior dating site for senior singles over 50! Many of our members are well-educated, successful, and fresh in mind. I think you will like it.

    February 7, 2012 at 00:10 | Report abuse | Reply
  47. feline 123

    A female relative in my husband's family was constantly warned by her doctors that she had to lose weight since she was morbidly obese. She didn't and developed many physical problems and died while being prepped for a heart procedure. She couldn't be buried for over a week while they tried to find a coffin big and sturdy enough for her body. She was kept in the mortuary. She should have been cremated but it was against her family religion and couldn't get her to the crematorium anyway. They finally obtained a bigger casket, had to take all of the padding, etc. out of it and they finally had the funeral. My own weight is normal but everyone in that family always made catty remarks about my figure and said I was too thin. Some families just like fat people and encourage each other to be gluttons.

    February 7, 2012 at 18:25 | Report abuse | Reply
  48. Austin

    Being fat is a disease and if your life is losing quality due to having a disease then you should probably cure yourself of the disease first. The Center for Disease Control monitors obesity, the symptoms of being fat are being fat, and the cause comes from improper diet and inadequate exercise.
    Unlike AIDS, once you have 'fat' you can easily cure it with simple small steps. Unlike HIV, the cure is free. And unlike all other diseases, you can see the onset and it developes very slowly and can at any time be completely reversed with simple easy steps.

    February 9, 2012 at 11:06 | Report abuse | Reply
  49. Mike

    Its the 3 meals a day that we are told to eat that is actually killing everyone.

    You insulin and blood sugar spikes shouldn't resemble a sin wave function.

    People should have 6-7 smaller meals throughout the day. This will kick your metabolism into a fat annihilating mode. Your body will stop storing fats because your are actually feeding yourself properly.

    Human beings aren't meant to gorge on 3 huge meals a day.

    Eat to lose (win), im a body builder.

    February 9, 2012 at 15:23 | Report abuse | Reply
  50. BlueCornMoon

    Here's a cautionary tale for all you folks who let yourselves go & don't care:
    I've been in a particular choir for over 30 yrs & one of the men, who had a wonderful bass/baritone voice & often did solos & opera roles, let himself go to 300 lbs about 10 yrs ago. His doc told him to lose weight or he'd wind up having knee replacements. He refused saying he was old enough to eat what he wanted & what does the doc know anyhow? His wife couldn't convince him to obey the doc either. Finally his knees went really bad & had to be replaced because he could hardly walk,even with a cane. He HAD to lose weight before they did the surgery so he finally did. After the surgery he began to slowly gain the weight back & began to develop weight related health problems including worsening high blood pressure. Last November he had a stroke & suffered paralysis on one side & loss of speech. He's now in a nursing home & can no longer sing & can barely utter a few words. The choir plans to go to the nursing home to sing for him sometime soon. I am NOT looking forward to it at all. To see the wreckage of a talented man who was too damn hardheaded, with that special macho stubbornness common to men, to listen to his doc & take care of himself . This did not have to happen. I wonder how his wife feels now.

    February 12, 2012 at 01:19 | Report abuse | Reply
1 2 3

Post a comment


CNN welcomes a lively and courteous discussion as long as you follow the Rules of Conduct set forth in our Terms of Service. Comments are not pre-screened before they post. You agree that anything you post may be used, along with your name and profile picture, in accordance with our Privacy Policy and the license you have granted pursuant to our Terms of Service.

About this blog

Get a behind-the-scenes look at the latest stories from CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen and the CNN Medical Unit producers. They'll share news and views on health and medical trends - info that will help you take better care of yourself and the people you love.