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The joy of comfort sex
June 30th, 2011
07:07 AM ET

The joy of comfort sex

Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him at his website, GoodInBed.

Sex with a spouse is like ordering takeout from your favorite Chinese restaurant: Sure, you know what you’re getting and there’s no need to ponder the menu, but the meal is still consistently yummy and generally hits the spot.

The virtues of comfort sex are vastly underrated. We live in a culture that’s obsessed with what’s new and fresh, and sex is no exception: From magazine headlines that regularly trumpet newfangled positions and heretofore undiscovered hot spots, to our culture of serial monogamy in which couples regularly trade in their old partners for new in search of excitement, variety is heralded as the spice of life while familiarity breeds contempt.

But in my experience, the tried and true often has distinct advantages over the path not taken - especially when it comes sex.

First off, consider that many women don’t even experience orgasm the first few times they have sex with a guy, which some evolutionary anthropologists conjecture is like a built-in vetting mechanism: Because the female orgasm takes time to achieve, its mastery requires dedication and patience, an extended “getting to know you” process that encourages a woman to seek out relationships with the partner who will ultimately invest adequate time and energy in the effort to familiarize himself with her unique sexuality.

As Emily Nagoski writes in the "Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms," “A woman is less likely to have orgasms early in a relationship. Her body needs time to adapt to the new partner, to learn to trust him or her, and to relax into the knowledge that her partner accepts and appreciates her body.”

This “getting to know you” process of familiarization extends into long-term relationships as well and allows us to reap the joys of comfort sex. When it comes to ensuring orgasm, predictability is a good thing. While sexual arousal involves both voluntary and involuntary physiological processes, orgasm itself is an autonomic (involuntary) response to voluntary sexual stimulation.

Once we consciously navigate ourselves across the threshold into orgasm, the body takes over and soars. When having an orgasm, we allow our entire being go automatic (or really autonomic). Comfort sex enables this seamless transition from the voluntary into the involuntary: You know where you’re going, so you don’t have to think about it - you can just let go.

With comfort sex, the mind doesn’t have to think about what it’s doing so the mind can disconnect and allow itself to be lulled into a deeper state of relaxation and deactivation.

Like most things we learn in life - learning to ride a bike, learning to drive a car - once we achieve a state of familiarity with what we’re doing we no longer think about what we’re doing, we just do it, and sex is no exception. In neurological terms, when you achieve familiarity with a process you’re no longer tasking the pre-frontal cortex with learning, but allowing those routines to get baked into your basal ganglia, a part of the brain which does not require conscious thought.

Any time you introduce newness or novelty into your sex life, you are tasking the pre-frontal cortex with learning and adapting, which means you’re thinking about what you’re doing and making it harder to cross the voluntary/involuntary threshold.

For some people this leads to an issue known as “spectatoring.”

“Spectatoring is the art of worrying about sex while you’re having it,” writes Nagoski. “Rather than paying attention to the pleasant things your body is experiencing, it’s like you’re floating above the bed watching, noticing how your breasts fall or the squish of cottage cheese on the back of your thigh or the roll at your belly.... You’re worried about the sex you’re having, instead of enjoying the sex you’re having.”

Comfort sex generally means knowing what works and having a sex script or two that you and your partner like to follow. For many couples, simultaneous orgasm is the goal, and the more a couple knows each other the more they’ll be able to synchronize their efforts and soar together to peaks of ecstasy. Predictable, but oh so pleasurable! Having a few sex scripts in your back pocket is also helpful when one or both partners has a sex problem of some sort.

For example, I work with many guys who suffer from premature ejaculation - the #1 sex problem men deal with - and it’s extremely helpful for these men to develop consistent sex scripts that they know will satisfy their partners. Comfort sex is their ally. The same is true of women who may have problems reaching orgasm. If a particular position or sexual context works, why not stick to it?

Of course, it’s only natural for couples to get bored, lose interest in sex, or look for ways to spice things up. Novelty and newness absolutely have their place, but my advice: don’t throw out the baby with the bath water.

Don’t attribute your boredom to the predictable routines of comfort sex. Instead, freshen up your sex script by extending foreplay and introducing novelty into the early stages of the arousal process.

Give your comfort sex a fresh context. Use novelty to let yourselves simmer and reach a sexual boiling point, but then transition into comfort sex to let yourselves soar. Incorporate some fantasy at the top of your sex-play, or try some role-playing. Take a sexy shower together, or explore something kinky together. Watch some porn together. You can figure it out.

Whatever you decide, use novelty to enhance desire and jump-start the process of arousal, and then let yourselves fall back on the familiarity that you know will get you where you’re going.

You know the old joke in which one pedestrian asks another how to get to Carnegie Hall? The answer - “Practice.”

Comfort sex is no small feat. More than likely you’ve both put in a lot of time (and love) to achieve it. Enjoy the beautiful music you can make together.


soundoff (353 Responses)
  1. Maybe in the next life

    Gee... It would be nice to experience the subject matter. Due to a rough landing into this life, I missed out on getting the "intimate transceiver" and am clueless & mate-less at 56.

    June 30, 2011 at 13:22 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Changeyourmindset

      Maybe if you stop thinking that you had a "rough landing" in life, discover that it's never to late to meet someone, and actually be optimistic so that you will attract people instead of repel them, then maybe you won't have to spill your sad story on a CNN feed and wait for people to pat you on the back.

      June 30, 2011 at 14:24 | Report abuse |
    • speedro

      Get some therapy. Learn to drop the 'poor me' thing and I bet your life will improve. Good luck.

      June 30, 2011 at 14:35 | Report abuse |
    • falco279

      Oh wow, I'm so sorry.

      June 30, 2011 at 14:38 | Report abuse |
    • Empathetic

      Wow, the first two people are awfully judgmental! They sound like they're from the metaphysical crowd who thinks positive thinking can change everything. I wish they'd use that and try to fly off a rooftop. LOL

      June 30, 2011 at 14:53 | Report abuse |
    • Stev

      get a s*x robot

      June 30, 2011 at 15:26 | Report abuse |
    • JUSTLEAVING

      EMPATHETIC....When a person puts his private life on a public forum, people have the right to be judgmental. Nobody likes a pity party, which this person is defiantly throwing.

      June 30, 2011 at 15:36 | Report abuse |
    • ForeverSingle

      I feel your pain.

      June 30, 2011 at 15:41 | Report abuse |
    • I can relate

      I too have never experienced what the author describes...not by a long shot, and have been completely alone for the past 10 years after being used and abused a few times too many. I'm 52 and often feel that it'll never happen for me, but something (stubbornness?) keeps me from giving up entirely. Maybe you can do the same, and maybe we both will find what we seek and DESERVE.

      June 30, 2011 at 17:17 | Report abuse |
    • neptonomist sentry

      D!ldo time

      June 30, 2011 at 17:25 | Report abuse |
    • jesse

      I dont think they were overly judgmental, just blunt. Feeling sorry for oneself gets you no where. Its not a just a matter of thinking positive, thats part of it. Action is also required. Theres lots of ways for this person to improve their situation, its a matter of taking action.
      Example:
      How about getting some more exercise, to get healthy and build confidence...and joining a social activity to meet people. Even if it just mean building friendships, thats a step in a positive direction.
      Of course I dont know whats right for this person. I do however know that they have options.

      June 30, 2011 at 17:31 | Report abuse |
    • rizzo

      Don't worry about it, dude. Getting all hot and sweaty is definitely not worth the trouble of being tied down to someone who tells you what to do all the time. Learn to love the peace and tranquility that comes from being alone, we have far too little of it in modern society.

      June 30, 2011 at 19:19 | Report abuse |
    • Curt

      Since it is obvious you have a desire I would say try to be more optimistic and go for it. I don't know what you mean by "intimate transceiver" but I'm sure you can make it work if you find the right person. Keep looking, there is someone for everyone out there.

      June 30, 2011 at 19:25 | Report abuse |
    • Strange Slice

      there's an app for that.

      July 1, 2011 at 02:27 | Report abuse |
  2. bill

    somebody has a case of the hornies from the sound of it
    I lucky to get a girl to talk dirty to me (well sometimes they do, but it is something physically impossible)

    June 30, 2011 at 13:24 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Melissa

      who wants to talk about it when you can just act it out.. thats a common thought amongst my friends and I...

      June 30, 2011 at 13:54 | Report abuse |
    • Xman

      Melissa - because a lot of guys (myself inc) like to hear (and feel) how much she is enjoying herself.

      June 30, 2011 at 14:25 | Report abuse |
    • Melissa

      Xman- I understand what you're saying. I've participated in plenty of dirty talk sessions before with my previous ex (the man I'm with now..well his English isn't quite there-hah) and I know its enjoyable. However when technology gets invovled like texts, emails, web chat and old fashioned over the phone I just can't get into it. You aren't here in front of me, ya know? Just a personal observation.

      June 30, 2011 at 14:39 | Report abuse |
    • Kitty cat

      Xman, I agree with you it is important to feel and hear the pleasure a lover is feeling...

      June 30, 2011 at 15:15 | Report abuse |
    • bill

      Uhm, don't you need a partner for this to work??

      June 30, 2011 at 16:04 | Report abuse |
    • Victor Lazlo

      Melissa:

      "among my friends and I"? I think you mean "among my friends and me", unless you commonly also say with I, for I, and by I...in which case you are always and not just sometimes wrong.

      June 30, 2011 at 17:08 | Report abuse |
    • Newo

      already too much talking in the real life, don't need it inside the bed room.

      June 30, 2011 at 18:33 | Report abuse |
  3. Bruce

    Yeah, JennyTX, we wouldn't want children to be introduced to the notion that, as adults, they might eventually have a happy and healthy s3x life with their future spouse!

    They are much better off googling the videos that a Kardashian made to figure out what this s3x thing is all about...

    June 30, 2011 at 13:27 | Report abuse | Reply
    • SMACKEMUP777

      Well put Bruce.....not like the kids can't or will not find other ways to find out about s3x.

      June 30, 2011 at 14:25 | Report abuse |
  4. Ajax1978

    what's your problem with the article ? that they will learn to be considerate to their partner ?

    June 30, 2011 at 13:30 | Report abuse | Reply
  5. Robert D

    I would. S3x is a vital part of a relationship. If your kid grows up not knowing that s3x is going to be EXPECTED out of a marriage relationship then your kid may be doomed to a bad marriage. But if your kid knows this ahead of time then they can be ready later in life.

    Now I am not saying that your kid needs to grow up in the p0rn industry or start having s3x right away. What I am saying is that s3x is something that is natural and should not be considered taboo.

    Talk to your kids about s3x in a way that is appropriate for their age. They need to know a few of the facts of life before they leave home. WOuldn't you agree? This article is about the advantages of being in a monogomous relationship. It takes time to develop the intimate relationship.

    If you read my earlier post you can see where I am coming from. My wife was raised in a family that looked at s3x as something that should never be discussed. It was a forbidden subject in the home. As a result my wife now has no desire for a physical relationship.

    Would you want your own child to marry someone and end up not having a fulfilling relationship with their spouse?

    June 30, 2011 at 13:31 | Report abuse | Reply
    • EnjoyingLife

      RobertD....I was not sure why you said EXPECTED until I got to the bottom of your post. It's a shame you have a wife that is not "intimate" with you...but the fact that you use the word EXPECTED says a lot, and for me when someone says they EXPECT something from me it's usually an immediate turn-off. Coudl be too many years have gone by to fix things...but maybe if you change your approach you might be abl to get to a place were your wife (or next wife) is intimate with you because she WANTS to be...not because you EXPECT her to be. BTW, this is coming from a person that is married 23 years and still enjoying initmacy with my wife. Is my marriage perfect no, have we had our ups and downs, yes...but we are still loving and affectionate and I am finding that with each year we get closer. Life is to short to settle, so if your not happy it might be time to look for the door and find someone that you would be more compatible with. Good luck.

      June 30, 2011 at 14:07 | Report abuse |
    • HoustonSteve

      Your post made me think of one of those made-for-TV movies. Dude, you are a pu$$y. Don't give this poor guy bad advice.

      June 30, 2011 at 14:25 | Report abuse |
    • luckygirl

      the point is...he is getting it and you are not.

      June 30, 2011 at 14:30 | Report abuse |
    • Laura

      Well put.

      July 2, 2011 at 19:35 | Report abuse |
    • RAIDER

      @Laura – You sound like someone i would like to get intimate with...

      July 22, 2011 at 16:55 | Report abuse |
  6. thedew

    Thou art evil indeed, foul s3x demons of CNN! Jenny shall smite thee down with the Puritan power of her righteous moral indignation!

    June 30, 2011 at 13:32 | Report abuse | Reply
  7. PeterD

    This article does not help Gays.

    June 30, 2011 at 13:34 | Report abuse | Reply
    • hasc

      Oh my goodness! CNN has betrayed it's prime directive.

      June 30, 2011 at 13:49 | Report abuse |
    • Jobu

      Just as articles about gay couples don't help straight people. What is your point? Everything does not have to be all inclusive all of the time. Geez.

      June 30, 2011 at 13:52 | Report abuse |
    • mscathc

      stop being gay then

      June 30, 2011 at 14:28 | Report abuse |
    • George

      Not my problem.

      June 30, 2011 at 14:33 | Report abuse |
    • MattN

      I'm a gay guy and I actually find this piece to be very helpful to my partner and me. Seems very inclusive to me.

      June 30, 2011 at 14:33 | Report abuse |
    • rufus

      This article bashes gays and should be removed immediately from public view.

      June 30, 2011 at 14:44 | Report abuse |
    • Benny

      "These gays bashes this article and should be removed immediately from public view"... Or something like that... What the heck are you talking about?

      June 30, 2011 at 14:49 | Report abuse |
    • DB

      I think the writer guy is gay.

      June 30, 2011 at 15:32 | Report abuse |
    • Hello??

      Why would it? Why should it? Actually it would if you're both female.

      June 30, 2011 at 15:36 | Report abuse |
    • Enoch100

      @hasc – best comment! So true.

      June 30, 2011 at 17:27 | Report abuse |
    • Newo

      (from the article)" “A woman is less likely to have orgasms early in a relationship. Her body needs time to adapt to the new partner, to learn to trust him or her "
      yes it does. Good trolling, though.

      June 30, 2011 at 18:35 | Report abuse |
    • oopfray

      THANK GOD!!! I HOPE THAT MEANS WE HAVEN`T GOTTEN TO THE POINT WHERE BEING GAY IS CONSIDERED NORMAL. WE STILL HAVE CHILDREN TO PROTECT. KEEP IT TO YOURSELF. IF YOU WANT TO READ AN ARTICAL ABOUT GAYS GO BUY A GAY MAGAZINE. CAN`T THERE BE A CONVERSATION WITHOUT SHAPING IT AROUND GAYS? IT WASN`T SPECIFIC TO AUTO MECHANICS OR CARPENTERS AND I DON`T SEE THEM COMPLAINING. GEEZ!!

      June 30, 2011 at 18:54 | Report abuse |
    • Curt

      This article absolutely helps gays. The problem for a lot of gay men is that they love to be promiscuous. This article is pointing out that if you have a long term relationship the physical relationship will be a lot better. A lot of gay men have not had that experience.

      June 30, 2011 at 19:31 | Report abuse |
    • Strange Slice

      Gays – they fornicate like bonobo monkeys. They don't need that kind of help.

      July 1, 2011 at 02:29 | Report abuse |
  8. John

    WON'T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!

    June 30, 2011 at 13:36 | Report abuse | Reply
    • mscathc

      f da childrens

      June 30, 2011 at 14:31 | Report abuse |
    • T40G

      And just where to do you think children come from?

      June 30, 2011 at 18:22 | Report abuse |
    • ummm

      That's what Pedobear says...

      June 30, 2011 at 19:42 | Report abuse |
    • tsl

      Now, now, Mrs. Lovejoy. I'm sure someone has.

      June 30, 2011 at 23:04 | Report abuse |
    • Strange Slice

      Don't worry, the pedophiles always are.

      July 1, 2011 at 02:26 | Report abuse |
  9. Diana

    "A woman is less likely to have orgasms early in a relationship." Has any other woman found the opposite to be true? I find early in the relationship, it's easy to get excited.

    June 30, 2011 at 13:39 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Melissa

      I agree with the article that in the early stages I am "spectoring" the situation and not enjoying it. After a while with the same partner things become amazing because I know how to start off but things can just keep going further and in different directions. Wow s-e-x is awesome!

      June 30, 2011 at 13:55 | Report abuse |
    • sonata

      I totally disagreed with his statement about women not being able to orgasm early in a relationship – and I found that it's usally the men that have the performance anxiety..lol!!!

      June 30, 2011 at 14:34 | Report abuse |
    • Kris

      Yeah–it's called faking it...

      June 30, 2011 at 14:45 | Report abuse |
    • Derek

      It's because the main $ex organ in a woman is the brain... it takes time to seduce that.

      June 30, 2011 at 14:50 | Report abuse |
    • Derek

      "and I found that it's usally the men that have the performance anxiety..lol!!!"

      Oh gawd yes.. I love the 1st time.. but I also hate it.. so much worry. Women can just lay back and fake it, a guy has to perform and do a good job otherwise he ain't get any more..

      June 30, 2011 at 14:51 | Report abuse |
    • sallysue

      That's exactly what I thought. My orgasms are usually best in the beginning and with time it's harder for me to orgasm. I wonder if it has to do with how comfortable a woman is with her body and what pleases her.

      June 30, 2011 at 16:37 | Report abuse |
    • oldboldgold

      I agree with the article about women being slower in the beginning than men. Most women I know well have admitted to faking in the beginning just to get the guys past THEIR initial anxiety. There is excitement as well, but as one who loves the easy flow of a regular partner and the time and energy spent on fun in the bedroom instead of the search and chase... I'll take the joy of long term relationships any day.

      June 30, 2011 at 18:18 | Report abuse |
    • SoSueMe

      For me, easiest in the beginning...very exciting. Now it still happens but he has to work a little harder (not that he minds). I have never faked it once. Is that really common? Would seriously like to know or if it's a myth.

      June 30, 2011 at 18:35 | Report abuse |
    • Curt

      I think the article is saying it gets easier for the woman only when she is finding that the man accepts her and loves her. If she is not finding that it will probably not get easier. If the guy is not into her and instead into his own pleasure it would probably get harder. Women need to feel loved.

      June 30, 2011 at 19:36 | Report abuse |
    • Strange Slice

      what about later on, say in a mature relationship....hohum?

      July 1, 2011 at 02:30 | Report abuse |
    • Laura

      Curt, you have a thing or two to learn about women. Women can and do in fact have s*x just for the sake of it, without love.

      July 2, 2011 at 19:41 | Report abuse |
  10. A teenager

    This has GOT to be better than all those TV shows and movies and music and ads that tell all young people to be cool and popular means sleeping around with everyone. At least this article supports long term relationships and responsibility toward your partner.

    June 30, 2011 at 13:40 | Report abuse | Reply
  11. Brian

    Come on Jenny!! I think you are way too sensitive. This article is probably mild at the max compared to what your twelve year old has seen on MTV or even at school.

    June 30, 2011 at 13:42 | Report abuse | Reply
  12. unknown11

    Stress is the real enemy. That kills s e x. But I have to agree with much of this article. The ultimate comfort s e x is when you do it just because you are both bored. Just for something to do. Hmmm, I gotta leave work. Lucy, I'm home!!

    June 30, 2011 at 13:43 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Cigarme

      You are missing out if you think that is the ultimate...way too common...just saying.

      June 30, 2011 at 14:26 | Report abuse |
    • Derek

      I think you completely missed the point of what comfort $ex is..

      June 30, 2011 at 14:53 | Report abuse |
    • oldboldgold

      Derek, I think most here missed the point. I suspect they have never experienced this phenomenon. I'm not sure it is explainable to anyone who missed the boat.

      June 30, 2011 at 18:20 | Report abuse |
  13. Diana

    Oh please. If your 12 year old is on the internet, they are encountering things far worse than an article focusing on the relationship side of physical relations. And what's wrong with that? If they are old enough to be curious, they can learn that physical relations are a normal and healthy part of a relationship. And articles like these help depict more how it is in real life vs. the fantasy focus by rest of the internet.

    June 30, 2011 at 13:46 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Empathetic

      Most kids or teens would never take the time to read something like this article; it has no prurient content and nothing graphic.

      June 30, 2011 at 15:05 | Report abuse |
    • Stev

      kids read these days? guess they would if it said something about that justine beaver freak

      June 30, 2011 at 16:17 | Report abuse |
    • carla

      I could not agree moer

      June 30, 2011 at 18:31 | Report abuse |
  14. Lanfear

    CNN where is my comment! 😡

    June 30, 2011 at 13:46 | Report abuse | Reply
  15. hspringer

    C'mon JennyTX! S3x is part of life, is normal and the more we make it out to be taboo and not talk about the more that children dabble in it on their own and sometimes get hurt. I didn't find anything offensive in this article and would have no problem if my 11 year old happened to read it. Besides, 11 year olds don't usually read news sites unless having to for an assignment. It never even crossed my mind when I read this article that my daughter might be negatively impacted. There's worse things to see on network TV or in public than this!!

    June 30, 2011 at 13:47 | Report abuse | Reply
  16. Tonlok

    @PeterD
    .
    Luckily, the recent events in New York give you plenty to read besides this article. This article also doesn't pertain to (According to your opinion)the mentally unstable/handicapped, trans3xual/transgender, anyone how is single, any animal who has s3x only to reproduce, planes, trains, nuclear power, libyan conflict, oil prices....................

    June 30, 2011 at 13:48 | Report abuse | Reply
  17. unknown11

    It is a fine line. Somehow you have to figure out the line between comfort, and not trying hard enough. That is probably the key.

    June 30, 2011 at 13:48 | Report abuse | Reply
    • D

      I agree-things can get awfully routine.

      June 30, 2011 at 14:24 | Report abuse |
  18. Robert D

    I am surprised that no one has made mention of the photo at the top of this article. A mana and a woman in bed, smiling. THey are both attractive people. THe guy seems to be of fairly nice build and the woman seems to be trim. What about those out there who are NOT of this mold? This article is perpetuating what Hollywood is selling, "you have to be physically attractive to be happy in bed."

    My personal situation goes against this very notion. My wife is lean and fit as am I but our life 'between the sheets' dies a very long time ago.

    If you can find someone who is great in bed, take full advantage of that person. If not, move on to the next one!

    June 30, 2011 at 13:52 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Jeff

      Yeah that's bizarre. Who would ever think looks wouldn't be involved in a physical act. I mean I find that I enjoy food that looks like dog sh-t just as much as food that doesn't.

      June 30, 2011 at 14:54 | Report abuse |
    • Dave

      No one mentioned it 'cause it's just a generic stock photo.

      June 30, 2011 at 17:58 | Report abuse |
    • DV

      My heart hates uggos.

      June 30, 2011 at 19:54 | Report abuse |
  19. DaSwedishChef

    Take zee ingredients anddd add some new spizes.

    June 30, 2011 at 13:54 | Report abuse | Reply
  20. Anuradha Vij

    Great Article!

    June 30, 2011 at 14:01 | Report abuse | Reply
  21. First time every time

    “A woman is less likely to have orgasms early in a relationship"

    Not my experience. First time, every time.

    June 30, 2011 at 14:04 | Report abuse | Reply
    • El Man

      Can I call you?

      June 30, 2011 at 16:21 | Report abuse |
    • El Man

      Oh, wait....you are a woman, right?

      June 30, 2011 at 16:29 | Report abuse |
    • FeteChef

      it's too late – be careful what you wish for next time

      June 30, 2011 at 18:14 | Report abuse |
    • Are you serious!?

      Hilarious!!!!

      June 30, 2011 at 19:36 | Report abuse |
    • DV

      She's faking.

      June 30, 2011 at 19:52 | Report abuse |
    • Laura

      Nope she's not faking. There are women out there, myself included, who actually LIKE variety, and enjoy the touch of a new partner. Love not needed.
      I only met one guy who couldn't take care of things for me the first time, and I never saw him again. Harsh? Maybe. But I am not interested in giving training.

      July 2, 2011 at 19:45 | Report abuse |
  22. StraightMale

    Arguing on the internet is like running in the special olympics. Even if you win, you're still retarted.

    June 30, 2011 at 14:12 | Report abuse | Reply
    • SMACKEMUP777

      Nice way to put it. couldn't be said better

      June 30, 2011 at 14:22 | Report abuse |
    • ladrilius

      but maybe spelled better

      June 30, 2011 at 16:12 | Report abuse |
    • JWits

      Retarted? Who is the special one now?

      June 30, 2011 at 16:14 | Report abuse |
    • SanRamonG

      LOL that is too funny! well said!

      June 30, 2011 at 17:19 | Report abuse |
    • yuckatan

      You really could have stuck that landing if you got the spelling right. Tough to call people "retarted" (or "moran" instead of moron) and screw it up.

      June 30, 2011 at 20:41 | Report abuse |
    • Franque

      Spell it right and they censor you. That's why I heart tatty fecking.

      July 3, 2011 at 12:43 | Report abuse |
  23. Obama

    My name is Barack Obama and i approve this message

    June 30, 2011 at 14:19 | Report abuse | Reply
    • BIll Clinton

      My name is Bill Clinton and I approve this massage.

      June 30, 2011 at 14:36 | Report abuse |
    • Monica Lewinski

      Mah mame is momika wewinski an ah appove dis message... (clears mouth)
      Me too! Do you need an intern Mr. President Obama?

      June 30, 2011 at 14:53 | Report abuse |
  24. Happily married and s3x is better than ever after 15 years..

    Intimacy is a critical part of any relationship and can help get you through some of the other challenges. A marriage with out intimacy is doomed and will fail eventually. My wife and are experiencing some of the best s3x we have every had and more frequently than ever. We have three kids under 12 and we still make time to get together. We're both relatively fit and healthy – I'm sure this helps, but the fact that we're on love and comfortable with each other is the big reason. Men! Get a clue – if you want more, you have to do more. I help cook (do most of it), clean and manage the kids – never sit on my butt and watch sports all day. A happy, well rested and healthy (physically and emotionally) will want to have s3x with you!

    June 30, 2011 at 14:19 | Report abuse | Reply
    • lol

      yeah right, that's exactly why my s3x life is good, because I cook and clean and not watch sports .. guess your wife runs a pretty tight ship there, did she made you post that comment ?

      June 30, 2011 at 20:53 | Report abuse |
    • corey

      lol is a jerk and there are marriages that are like yours that are great.
      Happy life.

      June 30, 2011 at 22:26 | Report abuse |
  25. nonsense

    Who is making money writing sht like this again?

    June 30, 2011 at 14:21 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Jeff

      The publisher of the writing and in part the author of said writing make money off of it. You might want to do a little reading to broaden your education a bit there is the economics involved are unclear.

      June 30, 2011 at 16:36 | Report abuse |
  26. Rob

    Nice type o – geesh...

    June 30, 2011 at 14:31 | Report abuse | Reply
  27. Dicky

    Boring routine from a prude of a wife is the worse. Child is gone and 23 years old but wife still treats her like she is 12 and focus' nothing on OUR long-term. It's all still about my daughter and I'm a POS. (piece of poo)

    June 30, 2011 at 14:34 | Report abuse | Reply
    • mamaG

      I'm sure calling your wife a prude is a great way to start foreplay.

      June 30, 2011 at 18:45 | Report abuse |
  28. Chef Sun

    Comfort or non-comfort, I'll take it anyway, anytime, anywhere I can get it. Kink is always fun and I do so enjoy being a Master in the kitchen as well as in the bed room.

    June 30, 2011 at 14:36 | Report abuse | Reply
  29. I'mJustSayin

    No love on my comment cnn?

    June 30, 2011 at 14:44 | Report abuse | Reply
  30. BIgJohnDaddy

    In my opinion gay people need help to rid themselves of their disease. Nice article.

    June 30, 2011 at 14:45 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Sheri

      You're an idiot.

      June 30, 2011 at 16:17 | Report abuse |
    • Dave

      Yes, and you are the disease.

      June 30, 2011 at 18:02 | Report abuse |
    • GayDude

      BJD, what a lame comment to make. Goes to show just how ignorant you are. Question is: Since you're straight (supposedly), what are you doing to rid yourself of your own disease called STUPIDITY? Start making a difference in the world and help people to love each other without judgment whether you are gay or straight.

      June 30, 2011 at 18:42 | Report abuse |
    • Luz Ottens

      GayDude, I so agree with your comment. We need to be more caring than being ignorant because prejudice is caused by ignorance.

      July 23, 2011 at 09:28 | Report abuse |
  31. I'mJustSayin

    make sure you end up with someone with an equal drive. mines is high and my wifes is nowhere near. when we do get together I leave completely dissappointed. I've been hoodwinked!

    June 30, 2011 at 14:47 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Jones

      Why the hell did you marry her then?

      June 30, 2011 at 16:52 | Report abuse |
  32. Earnest T Bass

    Still @ 56 years young First time every time just be man enough to stay in the saddle till the 10 count to ring any bell. No brag, Just fact.

    June 30, 2011 at 14:50 | Report abuse | Reply
  33. bachmanntwit

    Both Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann say that it's " not christian-like " to enjoy s*x. Especially for females.

    June 30, 2011 at 15:00 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Warren

      Uh, where and when did they say it? I'm sure the liberal press would have had a field day with it, had they actually said anything like that!

      June 30, 2011 at 15:26 | Report abuse |
  34. Mobee

    Just another nothing article by a supposed "expert". NO TWO PEOPLE are the same, therefore, Esepecially with S3X, NO libido is the same. 90% of married men I know have less intimate time with their wives than when they first met. Just because this story talks about a few it works for , doesn't mean a hill of beans to me or most people I know.

    June 30, 2011 at 15:11 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Ed

      Unless you maybe want to consider, and learn something NEW/DIFFERENT from it!

      June 30, 2011 at 16:19 | Report abuse |
  35. Angie

    I think the bigger problem is having a comfortable partner who is NOT putting the effort in anymore (or maybe never did). Then what?

    June 30, 2011 at 15:27 | Report abuse | Reply
  36. lisa

    Wow, "breeders" have an awfully hard time with this. Good thing us lesbians have it down...no maps in no time.

    June 30, 2011 at 15:33 | Report abuse | Reply
  37. Sophie

    I have yet to read an article that I like by this guy.

    June 30, 2011 at 15:37 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Jeff

      The topic of s3x embarrassing for you?

      June 30, 2011 at 16:38 | Report abuse |
  38. Michael

    Interesting! Advice to try some one else's tooth brush?

    June 30, 2011 at 15:56 | Report abuse | Reply
  39. Mary

    i love s$x and wouldn't mind it daily. i have a husband that would give that to me if i told him. but there's nothing attractive about a man that sits on the couch all the time. i'm not a nagger so i've not said anything. i've asked him to help me do stuff and he wont. so maybe i should be looking for the big D and never get married again so i can feed my hunger. i already take care of my self. so i don't need that lazy b*stard

    June 30, 2011 at 16:20 | Report abuse | Reply
  40. N008Kllr

    Most entertaining comments I've seen in a long time. I'd love to see what the Teaparty queens would comment here...

    June 30, 2011 at 16:37 | Report abuse | Reply
  41. typical

    "watch some p0rn together"...what an unbelievable low-life. He obviously knows nothing about human intimacy.

    June 30, 2011 at 16:41 | Report abuse | Reply
    • tsl

      Don't knock it till you try it.

      June 30, 2011 at 23:09 | Report abuse |
  42. Mandina

    My sweetheart and I have been together 6 years now. We became great friends for almost a year before getting involved. I used to get so nervous (excited) when I knew he was going to come over. Now, it is absolutely comfortable, and keeps getting better all of the time. Lying in each others arms after is one of the nicest parts. I'm in my 60's and waited a lifetime for him, but it's so worth it. There was one comment about how this article doesn't help gays. I don't see why not; it's about being totally at ease with your partner, whomever that may be.

    June 30, 2011 at 16:41 | Report abuse | Reply
    • ohsnap

      I'm a single woman in my 50s and you just gave me more hope!

      June 30, 2011 at 19:23 | Report abuse |
  43. big_mike

    get a real doll. they're so life like, posable and dishwasher safe!

    June 30, 2011 at 16:47 | Report abuse | Reply
  44. Maggie

    some of the articles here – where do you get these writers? they are bland

    June 30, 2011 at 17:09 | Report abuse | Reply
  45. 32ndDegree

    Ummmmm, not so much. Let's frame this another way.

    It's like ordering from the ONLY fast food restaurant in town which just so happens to be run by the Mafia. You'll order from that restaurant whether you like it our not or else. The food could suck and you'd better pretend you love it. When you were a new customer they used to cook your burger just the way you like it. Now they they just go through the motions of cooking but none of the stuff you used to like is included...just a boring burger sitting on a stale bun. The longer you are a customer the less food you get and if you complain the management will knock you unconscious and when you wake up half of your possessions are gone.

    But every now and then you get to go on business trips and eat at other restaurants where the food's much better and they still serve you with a smile!

    June 30, 2011 at 17:23 | Report abuse | Reply
    • ditto93

      Oh geez...thanks for that laugh! I have had that same analogy in my head for a while now and it is nice to see I am not alone. Thank god for business trips. When the steakhouse is always closed sometimes you have to settle for a burger.

      June 30, 2011 at 18:47 | Report abuse |
    • Angie

      I agree with this statement other than the likening it to the mafia. It's more like a local restaurant where you're a regular and started going there because the food was good and the service excellent. But now they know they don't have to fight for your business anymore or know they're the only place in town...they stop putting an effort in and the service kinda sucks. But now they're the only place in town, and you keep going out of loyalty and not because you enjoy it.

      June 30, 2011 at 19:12 | Report abuse |
  46. guest

    Problem with Chinese food take out, too many containers 🙂

    June 30, 2011 at 17:26 | Report abuse | Reply
  47. Zahid

    Problem with take out Chinese food; too many containers 🙂

    June 30, 2011 at 17:30 | Report abuse | Reply
  48. IAN LOOKS LIKE A LOSER

    Just putting that out there.

    June 30, 2011 at 17:35 | Report abuse | Reply
  49. frank

    Article is as titillating and full of fresh ideas as a month old bagel.

    June 30, 2011 at 17:38 | Report abuse | Reply
    • BNS

      LOL You said it – no help here.

      July 5, 2011 at 10:15 | Report abuse |
  50. Jack W

    If it takes several attempts for the woman to achieve orgasm, the man must be patient ... and cunning!

    June 30, 2011 at 17:45 | Report abuse | Reply
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Get a behind-the-scenes look at the latest stories from CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen and the CNN Medical Unit producers. They'll share news and views on health and medical trends - info that will help you take better care of yourself and the people you love.