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The joy of comfort sex
June 30th, 2011
07:07 AM ET

The joy of comfort sex

Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him at his website, GoodInBed.

Sex with a spouse is like ordering takeout from your favorite Chinese restaurant: Sure, you know what you’re getting and there’s no need to ponder the menu, but the meal is still consistently yummy and generally hits the spot.

The virtues of comfort sex are vastly underrated. We live in a culture that’s obsessed with what’s new and fresh, and sex is no exception: From magazine headlines that regularly trumpet newfangled positions and heretofore undiscovered hot spots, to our culture of serial monogamy in which couples regularly trade in their old partners for new in search of excitement, variety is heralded as the spice of life while familiarity breeds contempt.

But in my experience, the tried and true often has distinct advantages over the path not taken - especially when it comes sex.

First off, consider that many women don’t even experience orgasm the first few times they have sex with a guy, which some evolutionary anthropologists conjecture is like a built-in vetting mechanism: Because the female orgasm takes time to achieve, its mastery requires dedication and patience, an extended “getting to know you” process that encourages a woman to seek out relationships with the partner who will ultimately invest adequate time and energy in the effort to familiarize himself with her unique sexuality.

As Emily Nagoski writes in the "Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms," “A woman is less likely to have orgasms early in a relationship. Her body needs time to adapt to the new partner, to learn to trust him or her, and to relax into the knowledge that her partner accepts and appreciates her body.”

This “getting to know you” process of familiarization extends into long-term relationships as well and allows us to reap the joys of comfort sex. When it comes to ensuring orgasm, predictability is a good thing. While sexual arousal involves both voluntary and involuntary physiological processes, orgasm itself is an autonomic (involuntary) response to voluntary sexual stimulation.

Once we consciously navigate ourselves across the threshold into orgasm, the body takes over and soars. When having an orgasm, we allow our entire being go automatic (or really autonomic). Comfort sex enables this seamless transition from the voluntary into the involuntary: You know where you’re going, so you don’t have to think about it - you can just let go.

With comfort sex, the mind doesn’t have to think about what it’s doing so the mind can disconnect and allow itself to be lulled into a deeper state of relaxation and deactivation.

Like most things we learn in life - learning to ride a bike, learning to drive a car - once we achieve a state of familiarity with what we’re doing we no longer think about what we’re doing, we just do it, and sex is no exception. In neurological terms, when you achieve familiarity with a process you’re no longer tasking the pre-frontal cortex with learning, but allowing those routines to get baked into your basal ganglia, a part of the brain which does not require conscious thought.

Any time you introduce newness or novelty into your sex life, you are tasking the pre-frontal cortex with learning and adapting, which means you’re thinking about what you’re doing and making it harder to cross the voluntary/involuntary threshold.

For some people this leads to an issue known as “spectatoring.”

“Spectatoring is the art of worrying about sex while you’re having it,” writes Nagoski. “Rather than paying attention to the pleasant things your body is experiencing, it’s like you’re floating above the bed watching, noticing how your breasts fall or the squish of cottage cheese on the back of your thigh or the roll at your belly.... You’re worried about the sex you’re having, instead of enjoying the sex you’re having.”

Comfort sex generally means knowing what works and having a sex script or two that you and your partner like to follow. For many couples, simultaneous orgasm is the goal, and the more a couple knows each other the more they’ll be able to synchronize their efforts and soar together to peaks of ecstasy. Predictable, but oh so pleasurable! Having a few sex scripts in your back pocket is also helpful when one or both partners has a sex problem of some sort.

For example, I work with many guys who suffer from premature ejaculation - the #1 sex problem men deal with - and it’s extremely helpful for these men to develop consistent sex scripts that they know will satisfy their partners. Comfort sex is their ally. The same is true of women who may have problems reaching orgasm. If a particular position or sexual context works, why not stick to it?

Of course, it’s only natural for couples to get bored, lose interest in sex, or look for ways to spice things up. Novelty and newness absolutely have their place, but my advice: don’t throw out the baby with the bath water.

Don’t attribute your boredom to the predictable routines of comfort sex. Instead, freshen up your sex script by extending foreplay and introducing novelty into the early stages of the arousal process.

Give your comfort sex a fresh context. Use novelty to let yourselves simmer and reach a sexual boiling point, but then transition into comfort sex to let yourselves soar. Incorporate some fantasy at the top of your sex-play, or try some role-playing. Take a sexy shower together, or explore something kinky together. Watch some porn together. You can figure it out.

Whatever you decide, use novelty to enhance desire and jump-start the process of arousal, and then let yourselves fall back on the familiarity that you know will get you where you’re going.

You know the old joke in which one pedestrian asks another how to get to Carnegie Hall? The answer - “Practice.”

Comfort sex is no small feat. More than likely you’ve both put in a lot of time (and love) to achieve it. Enjoy the beautiful music you can make together.


soundoff (353 Responses)
  1. Pat

    S3x with a spouse is like ordering takeout from your favorite Chinese restaurant:
    it is the insane triumph of hope over reason,
    as no matter how many times it ends up in disappointment,
    you keep going back,
    expecting a different outcome.

    June 30, 2011 at 07:45 | Report abuse | Reply
    • cstyle

      "the more a couple knows each other the more they’ll be able to synchronize their efforts and soar together to peaks of ecstasy"... So true in my book! I really enjoying the comfort

      June 30, 2011 at 09:43 | Report abuse |
    • Radtech01

      Sounds like you need to talk to your spouse.

      June 30, 2011 at 10:17 | Report abuse |
    • FrauSchmidt

      And with higher rates of HIV, syphilis, clhamidia, and gonorrhea...stick with what you trust

      June 30, 2011 at 11:14 | Report abuse |
    • dj

      so true

      June 30, 2011 at 11:21 | Report abuse |
    • Einstein

      You just described the definition of insanity. Doing the same thing over and over, usually mistakes, and expecting different results.

      June 30, 2011 at 11:36 | Report abuse |
    • Pipy

      Yikes, you either need to find a better Chinese restaurant,or call a therapist. Maybe both.

      June 30, 2011 at 11:36 | Report abuse |
    • Wzrd1

      In simpler terms, Pat is lousy in between the sheets.

      June 30, 2011 at 12:18 | Report abuse |
    • p0rnSpur

      "Watch some p0rn together." Huh? If you're doing that to get going... you should get going... for another relationship...

      June 30, 2011 at 12:23 | Report abuse |
    • hawaiiduude

      Chinese food leaves me hungry again after only an hour...

      June 30, 2011 at 12:23 | Report abuse |
    • Andrew

      But the price is right and you always have leftovers. I am hardly ever disappointed in food. Or S,E,X!

      June 30, 2011 at 12:36 | Report abuse |
    • Mike

      Pat may know nothing about s3x,
      but that description of Chinese take-out is spot-on.

      June 30, 2011 at 12:53 | Report abuse |
    • WOW

      Pat, you need help our your partner needs help! Thirty years strong and still exciting!

      June 30, 2011 at 12:59 | Report abuse |
    • ...k

      haha not with my girl, she's a hottie

      June 30, 2011 at 13:08 | Report abuse |
    • CJ

      Sounds like you need to work out some issues. After 10 years together, my wife and I are always ensuring we do things to keep it interesting, spontaneous, and passionate. Pretty awesome if your committed.

      June 30, 2011 at 13:10 | Report abuse |
    • Seymour Butz

      An hour later, are you hungry again?

      June 30, 2011 at 13:15 | Report abuse |
    • duan

      Sounds like you need to fix something in your relationship Pat. I still desire my wife and only her, she is what turns me on and I her. If you are having problems, I would advise talking about it. Good luck

      June 30, 2011 at 13:24 | Report abuse |
    • TrashCanSam

      Hey Pat turn you hand around backwards... I've heard it's like being with somebody new.

      June 30, 2011 at 13:28 | Report abuse |
  2. Tricia

    @PAT – does your wife feel the same way you do?

    June 30, 2011 at 08:30 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Rose

      Why are you assuming Pat is a man?

      June 30, 2011 at 08:43 | Report abuse |
    • SNL

      Saturday Night Live

      June 30, 2011 at 10:18 | Report abuse |
    • fountainofyouth

      I THINK PAT IS THE WIFE!!

      June 30, 2011 at 12:10 | Report abuse |
    • Trish

      I'm thinking Pat is a woman.

      June 30, 2011 at 13:41 | Report abuse |
  3. uucc

    I order the same thing every time we get take out, but we have a lot of variety in bed – after 25 years.

    June 30, 2011 at 08:54 | Report abuse | Reply
    • RabiaDiluvio

      Same here. I seriously wonder about these couples like the first commenter above because after more than 20 I can say the cook keeps improving and so does the menu!

      June 30, 2011 at 11:26 | Report abuse |
    • stace

      Yeah but your comfort is in variety... it's been 25 years. And you are comfortable with each other which is half the point.

      June 30, 2011 at 11:45 | Report abuse |
    • SoSueMe

      Only 8 years so far for us, but it's still fun and exciting. We trust each other implicitly and that is key. I kept waiting for the disinterest to set in, but it never has, and I doubt it ever will. My husband rocks.

      June 30, 2011 at 12:33 | Report abuse |
  4. DrMel

    Pre-frontal cortex* not cortext. Pretty please use spell- and grammar check next time.

    June 30, 2011 at 09:02 | Report abuse | Reply
    • CheckB4youCorrect

      There is no need for a – after the word spell. Please learn to properly punctuate before you try to look smart and correct ones spelling and grammar.

      June 30, 2011 at 12:09 | Report abuse |
    • YouLose

      Actually, a dash inbetween "prefrontal" is perfectly correct.

      June 30, 2011 at 12:33 | Report abuse |
    • Mr.NoMistake

      Lol. What a comedy of errors from the peanut gallery. The word "pre-frontal" can be spelled with or without a hyphen. Also, the use of an apostrophe is required in order to denote possession with one's use of the word one's. FAIL.

      June 30, 2011 at 12:56 | Report abuse |
    • SoSueMe

      Stop. You're all geniuses.

      June 30, 2011 at 13:00 | Report abuse |
    • Geeshgirl

      That's not a dash; it's a hyphen.

      June 30, 2011 at 13:16 | Report abuse |
  5. Joe in Colorado

    Sooooo tired of hearing about premature ejac--.

    How about us guys who have the opposite problem. Get super hard instantly and stay that way throughout, but takes FOREVER to get "there".

    It is not fun for either person involved.

    June 30, 2011 at 09:21 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Hypotheticallyspeaking

      Just remember, for erections lasting more than four hours, get to an emergency room.

      June 30, 2011 at 11:19 | Report abuse |
    • monica

      I agree Joe, that is a topic that should be addressed too. As a woman, "man that takes forever or never gets there even when hard" makes her feel like she's not satisfying. Confidence is reduced for the male and female. The guy should make sure the woman knows it's not her, so at least one person doesn't feel as bad.

      June 30, 2011 at 11:21 | Report abuse |
    • John Holmes

      That happened to me one night after taking 2 viagra and having my date cancel. I showed up for work the next day with my arm in a sling.

      June 30, 2011 at 11:22 | Report abuse |
    • AustinITguy

      for erections lasting more than 4 hours, be sure to contact EVERYONE YOU KNOW!

      June 30, 2011 at 11:42 | Report abuse |
    • meemee

      Premature ejaculation is something that I think requires the assistance of the woman in remedying. Everyone who knows very much about the subject knows how to train it away. Won't discuss it here, however!

      June 30, 2011 at 11:53 | Report abuse |
    • Brad

      Joe, I too have had that happen more than once. I simply tell my wife that it is not going to happen for me and take my pleasure at my wife oohhing and squriming. S3x does not mean that I need to get off every time. I am ok with it being about her at times. What about when you cannot get it up? Same thing except I really let her have it. 2 or 3 times if she can hold up.

      June 30, 2011 at 11:56 | Report abuse |
    • oh yeah

      @hypotheticallyspeaking: if I had an erection four longer than four hours, I would make it my FB status...

      June 30, 2011 at 13:08 | Report abuse |
    • giggity

      yea if i had an erection for four hours it would be tweeted, facebooked, and texted

      June 30, 2011 at 13:11 | Report abuse |
    • big John

      I use to be able to go for more than 4 hours. Now @ 50 what I use to do all night now takes all night to do.

      June 30, 2011 at 13:18 | Report abuse |
    • big John

      For erections lasting more than 4 hours consult your physician:
      Hey Ahhh Doc, can I get the phone number or your receptionist or how about that hot little nurse? You know the blonde with the nervous twitch.

      June 30, 2011 at 13:22 | Report abuse |
  6. DANIMAL

    “getting to you know”
    check your grammar.........

    June 30, 2011 at 09:59 | Report abuse | Reply
  7. T

    "or the squish of cottage cheese on the back of your thigh or the roll at your belly."

    Come on, man!

    June 30, 2011 at 11:17 | Report abuse | Reply
    • giggity

      haha right! i was reading getting like wow i should head home early and then i read that and cringe

      June 30, 2011 at 13:12 | Report abuse |
  8. PaulBoomer

    You're all going to HELL.

    June 30, 2011 at 11:17 | Report abuse | Reply
    • meemee

      See you there.

      June 30, 2011 at 12:19 | Report abuse |
    • That's all for you my friend

      Hell is your concept, so go ahead and keep judging those around you. As they say, you go to Heaven for the scenery and Hell for the company...

      June 30, 2011 at 12:26 | Report abuse |
    • hehasarrived

      you decide on this? amazing!!!

      June 30, 2011 at 12:45 | Report abuse |
    • Zeke2112

      Judge much? Guess you'll get there first 🙂

      June 30, 2011 at 12:48 | Report abuse |
    • PaulBoomer

      Can't you nimrods discern sarcasm?

      June 30, 2011 at 12:55 | Report abuse |
    • Jeff

      Yeah...I'm pretty sure I already have a ticket on the train to hell. I'm just fighting for a Window seat.

      June 30, 2011 at 16:42 | Report abuse |
  9. Hypotheticallyspeaking

    Whenever I go for takeout, I use my right hand. It's almost like a telepathic communication we have.

    June 30, 2011 at 11:21 | Report abuse | Reply
  10. John Holmes

    What about comfort masturbation ? This article is lacking.

    June 30, 2011 at 11:21 | Report abuse | Reply
    • bachmanntwit

      Be careful what you say around here. "Real christians" like Michele Bachmann don't m@sturbate.

      June 30, 2011 at 11:52 | Report abuse |
    • Jen

      On behalf of a true Christian, yes, we do double click the mouse!

      June 30, 2011 at 13:13 | Report abuse |
    • giggity.giggity

      I know plenty of Christians who whack it

      June 30, 2011 at 13:14 | Report abuse |
    • big John

      OK giggity.giggity fess up........ Are you a good christian? Just kidding, but seriously how often do you wack it?

      June 30, 2011 at 13:27 | Report abuse |
    • TXJim

      Oh please.. Michele Bachmann's husband is gay anyway..

      She has his nuts in a jar in the file cabinet behind her desk..

      June 30, 2011 at 14:22 | Report abuse |
  11. Randall

    "... yummy and generally hits the spot." Narcissism and hedonism: pillars of a decadent culture.

    June 30, 2011 at 11:22 | Report abuse | Reply
    • josh

      Really? Hedonist and narcissistic? I guess everything that from which we derive pleasure should be avoided... Try smiling sometime, you might accidentally enjoy yourself.

      June 30, 2011 at 12:15 | Report abuse |
    • Ah C'mon already

      Lighten Up, Randall.

      June 30, 2011 at 12:15 | Report abuse |
    • meemee

      Randall has a point. I have been reading book published in 1979 called, "The Culture of Narcissism." It is a scholarly, psychological study of 20th century, American society. I find it more relevant today than even the time it was published. The basic premise is that the American culture changed from one that believed the future was going to be better and planned for it, to one that believes that the future to be one of diminishing expectations. That created a personal psychology based in present moment satisfaction rather than future planning and the discipline required. This ends up affecting even how we apply ethics in business, so it is relevant to the expansion of corruption in places that have resulted in our present economic problems and our political stagnation. Good book, worth a read.

      June 30, 2011 at 12:28 | Report abuse |
  12. Phat Emu

    Chimpanzees copulate to relieve stress, exchanging partners until the whole troop is all screwed up. People are like chimps.

    June 30, 2011 at 11:24 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Jeff

      Thanks for the suggestion. I have had a lot of stress lately. Casual s3x with strangers sounds like the perfect release.

      June 30, 2011 at 16:47 | Report abuse |
  13. Anthony "The Package" Weiner

    If yoiu have an erection that lasts longer than 4 hours, take full advantage of the situation.

    June 30, 2011 at 11:25 | Report abuse | Reply
  14. Scott

    Now where did CNN get a picture of Vin Diesel bedding some underage girl?? Oh wait, the creepy Ian Kerner is at the head of this article again... Nevermind, completely understandable now.

    June 30, 2011 at 11:28 | Report abuse | Reply
    • hasc

      Can't be Vin. He's gay.

      June 30, 2011 at 12:49 | Report abuse |
  15. Chula

    “Husbands ought to be loving their wives as their own bodies,” states the Bible. “He who loves his wife loves himself, for no man ever hated his own flesh; but he feeds and cherishes it, as the Christ also does the congregation.” (Eph. 5:28, 29)
    A husband must show love for his mate in both word and deed. A wife who is the recipient of regular expressions of her husband’s love feels cherished and happy. On the other hand, a woman having all the comforts of a fine home can be desperately unhappy if she is being neglected or ignored by her marriage partner.
    How does a husband show that he cherishes his wife? In public, he introduces her to others in a dignified manner and openly praises her for her support. If his wife has played a key role in success the family has experienced, he does not hesitate to make that known to others. Privately, she senses his affection. A touch of the hand, a smile, a hug, and a compliment may be small things, but they make lasting impressions on the heart of a woman.

    The fact that you are making it publicly known that you are dissatified, say alot of you. Cherish her, love and appreciate her. It starts at the head of the faimly "YOU". You will see the difference once you know how to love.

    June 30, 2011 at 11:31 | Report abuse | Reply
    • tom

      go away, this article for a change has nothing to do with you bible freaks. Stop putting god into everything!

      June 30, 2011 at 12:03 | Report abuse |
    • Amy

      Any guy who presumes that HE is the head of the family, rather than seeing his wife as an EQUAL partner in EVERY aspect of their relationship, automatically is lacking in respect for his wife. Both the husband AND the wife are the heads of the family, with no partner superior or subordinate to the other.

      June 30, 2011 at 12:04 | Report abuse |
    • Valerie

      Amy, he is meaning "spiritual head" to which there is only ONE. Of course man and wife are equals.
      EVERYTHING doesn't have ot be a big power struggle you know, it might do you some good to master humilty.....and ANY wise woman knows you get no where with a man when every little damn thing needs to be challenged because God forbid the man should "get his way" every once in awhile......................

      To Chula- good post, and good advice......

      June 30, 2011 at 12:15 | Report abuse |
    • Amy

      Okay, so if they're equal, then, why can't the wife be the "spiritual" head of the family? I never hear about that from Bible-thumpers. Is having a peni$ a requirement for spirituality? How many Christian men have the humility to let their wives run the family? This is a lot of misogynistic bullcrap. The only ones who have to struggle for power are the ones who have none.

      June 30, 2011 at 12:21 | Report abuse |
    • meemee

      I am sure Amy has not been married, or if she has, is not now. One person will always dominate in a relationship. My life long experience (I/m a BB) is that women superficially want equality because feminism has taught them to demand it, but in the end, they do not respect a man they can dominate. I've seen many a woman who thought they were feminist, very vocal about it, crumble into compliant wives when they meet the right guy, and they are happy. Women who were abused as children excepted. They just get into convenient marriages. Being a nice guy never helped me. I finally wised up and just went to being myself and a man, and that is when I attracted my wife. She wouldn't have it any other way, either.

      June 30, 2011 at 12:34 | Report abuse |
    • Valerie

      meemee- you "get it" and it comes down to ultimately the natures of man and women are DIFFERENT. They always have been, and always will be...............and you are soooo right, most women do not respect a man they can dominate. I agree with that completely.........

      June 30, 2011 at 12:39 | Report abuse |
    • meemee

      Valerie; I was a doctor in practice for 30 years, so my observations are beyond my own. You wouldn't believe what people confess to a doc they know. And you wouldn't believe how women behave sometimes when they think you have money, etc. But it's dangerous too.

      June 30, 2011 at 12:53 | Report abuse |
    • David

      To equate spiritual head of the household with "domination" is a good indication of a very limited view of human relationships. Similarly, the argument that "there can be no democracy in a marriage, someone has to break the tie votes" is, while a favorite argument with biblical conservatives (not to mention radical Muslims), is a red herring. In 20 years of marriage and a 22-year relationship, my wife and I have never come to an impasse where one of us have had to force our view on the other. We feel strongly about different things, and there are times when she's right and times when I'm right. (I'm sure I'm right most often, but then again she'd say the same thing - and we always resolve the issues by looking at the individual situation, our principles as a couple, and looking at who has the most at stake in any specific decision.) If either of us were so insecure that we had to invoke divine authority to make our point, or if one of had so great a need to dominate, the relationship would never have gotten off the ground, as we're both extremely strong-willed people.

      This need to invoke divine authority, by the way, falls into the same category of manipulation as, "if you really love me, you'll do X, Y or Z", or "I'll kill myself if you leave me." Purely artificial, purely manipulative, and total abdications of personal responsibility and one's own backbone.

      If you actually read the Bible, the relationships you describe are about respect, love and selflessness - not domination, manipulation or dictatorships. It's one thing if you need to use a crutch to support your personal insecurities and prop yourself up under a misinterpretation of "head of household", but don't try to impose that weak drivel on the rest of the world - religious or otherwise.

      June 30, 2011 at 14:38 | Report abuse |
    • Ben

      @Amy,

      Sorry but it is in the bible.

      "When you go to war against your enemies and the LORD your God delivers them into your hands and you take captives, if you notice among the captives a beautiful woman and are attracted to her, you may take her as your wife. Bring her into your home and have her shave her head, trim her nails and put aside the clothes she was wearing when captured. After she has lived in your house and mourned her father and mother for a full month, then you may go to her and be her husband and she shall be your wife. If you are not pleased with her, let her go wherever she wishes. You must not sell her or treat her as a slave, since you have dishonored her."

      Deuteronomy 21:10-14

      June 30, 2011 at 15:56 | Report abuse |
  16. phoenix

    the heathen need all kinds of gym and pills to perform, plus they all charge money.

    June 30, 2011 at 11:34 | Report abuse | Reply
    • LadyA

      That's an insult to true Heathens everywhere! (And I know quite a few really nice ones!)

      June 30, 2011 at 13:31 | Report abuse |
  17. BobZemko

    What's the one food that destroys a woman's s*x drive? Wedding cake.

    June 30, 2011 at 11:34 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Jen

      Hear, hear!!

      June 30, 2011 at 11:58 | Report abuse |
    • giggity.giggity

      and my ex wondered why i didnt want to get married!

      June 30, 2011 at 13:15 | Report abuse |
  18. TEW

    How do I convince my wife to have us both try out the Italian restaurant next door?

    June 30, 2011 at 11:46 | Report abuse | Reply
    • John

      Just let her have a little taste of their fine Italian sausage!

      June 30, 2011 at 12:18 | Report abuse |
    • P Star

      Also try the Greek restaurant on the back side of the building.

      June 30, 2011 at 12:25 | Report abuse |
    • DaGspot

      Now I'm craving kielbasa with peppers and hot mustard.

      June 30, 2011 at 12:42 | Report abuse |
    • Josie

      Guys whose wives won't sleep with them are usually terrible in the sack.

      June 30, 2011 at 12:44 | Report abuse |
    • meemee

      Josie; So why did they married him in the first place? Is the job up to him alone? The ones I have known had husbands who were bored with their wive's neurosis.

      June 30, 2011 at 12:55 | Report abuse |
    • Ben

      @TEW,

      You have to plead that you really really want to go there for your birthday

      June 30, 2011 at 15:59 | Report abuse |
  19. r3g

    Like ordering the same dish everytime?

    I usually find I get a lot more satisfactioin out of trying a variety of different dishes rather than eating the same old thing time and time again.

    Like riding a bike, once you learn you dont think about it anymore?

    I'd rather not limit myself like that. Everyone can ride a bike. How about popping wheelies and riding with no hands?

    June 30, 2011 at 11:46 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Mr. D Sanchez

      Wheelies = Butt s3x

      June 30, 2011 at 12:49 | Report abuse |
    • giggity.giggity

      haha dr i about fell out of my chair when i got to your comment

      June 30, 2011 at 13:16 | Report abuse |
  20. Skottikins

    The comments are HILARIOUS! Who knew "comfort S*x" could turn into bible versus, chinese food reviews, allusions to chimps, and ALOT of erecti0n jokes? LOVES IT!

    June 30, 2011 at 11:54 | Report abuse | Reply
  21. Jesus Is Lord

    Jesus is the answer. He is the ONLY way to the Father in Heaven. Repent, believe and be saved!

    June 30, 2011 at 11:56 | Report abuse | Reply
    • tom

      Another brain washed bible freak, go away already......this is one in a million times where it has nothing to do with the bible.....stop pushing it!

      June 30, 2011 at 12:10 | Report abuse |
    • Doug

      Go to hell.

      June 30, 2011 at 12:17 | Report abuse |
    • Steve in St. Louis

      If Jesus is the answer; what was the question?

      June 30, 2011 at 12:18 | Report abuse |
    • fake anonymous

      Hahahaha! It's funny when someone posts on the wrong thread by mistake.

      June 30, 2011 at 12:43 | Report abuse |
    • aww

      Hopefully he had some lovin' with Mary Magdalene, right?

      June 30, 2011 at 12:44 | Report abuse |
    • Ben

      @Steve in St Louis,

      The question was

      Q: Who walked into a hotel lobby, threw a bag of nails on the counter, and asked "Can you put me up for the night ?"

      June 30, 2011 at 13:38 | Report abuse |
    • Melissa

      And what exactly does that have to do with doing it? If we stopped the population would stop and you would have no one to preech at. I could absolutely disrepect you and your intelligence and tell you my opinions and preech at you. But I have some comfort s-e-x to do that is just ooooh sooooo good. 🙂

      June 30, 2011 at 14:11 | Report abuse |
    • Steve

      Always has to be someone dropping ole you know who into this. If Jesus is the answer does that mean it becomes a 3 way?

      June 30, 2011 at 14:43 | Report abuse |
    • Souperman

      Jesus is dead. Get over it.

      June 30, 2011 at 14:46 | Report abuse |
  22. @.@

    I agree with Skottikins

    June 30, 2011 at 12:15 | Report abuse | Reply
  23. Jeff

    So happy I didn't make the mistake (for me) to get married....so, so, so, so, so happy.

    June 30, 2011 at 12:16 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Jen

      Yes, same here, thank you God, Jesus, Mary, Joseph, Disciples, Allah, everybody! Not all of us are meant for marriage.

      June 30, 2011 at 13:22 | Report abuse |
  24. Virgil

    I eat lunch at the 'Y' daily.

    June 30, 2011 at 12:18 | Report abuse | Reply
  25. Beans

    Lol, love the comments sans the jesus ones though they still make me laugh. I geuss jesus is the only answere to anything

    June 30, 2011 at 12:23 | Report abuse | Reply
  26. Smiley

    I like doin le smexy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    June 30, 2011 at 12:26 | Report abuse | Reply
  27. Pattydoo2

    Yes.....it's like ordering your favorite (@ one time) Chinese food.......NIGHT AFTER NIGHT AFTER NIGHT........and NEVER allowed and other....................How can this guy be a counselor......day after day after day!

    June 30, 2011 at 12:30 | Report abuse | Reply
  28. Bill Clinton

    With my heart condition, intercourse can be a bit too physical.

    A good old fashioned BJ does the trick for me.

    June 30, 2011 at 12:31 | Report abuse | Reply
    • r3g

      Have her go cowgirl....it'll solve all your problems and inprove your quality of life

      June 30, 2011 at 13:27 | Report abuse |
  29. B=Dog

    My wife told me " I think you are suffering from premature ejaculation - Yeah, does it look like I'm suffering? 🙂 " – Robert Schimmel

    June 30, 2011 at 12:31 | Report abuse | Reply
    • anobody

      Yeah I'm suffering... From the after-glow!

      June 30, 2011 at 13:13 | Report abuse |
  30. DaGspot

    Married s3x...sometimes comfort s3x hits the spot, other times it's wild nights, all day s3xathons, oral or a quickie. It depends.

    June 30, 2011 at 12:34 | Report abuse | Reply
  31. NorthbyNorthwest

    This article made me cry. I lost my husband 6 weeks ago and I would do anything to have him back. S3x in any relationship is up and down. But the love shared by a husband and wife is irreplaceable. Cherish what you have, respect it and do what you can to make it interesting. S3x is just another way to share love if you are doing it right.

    June 30, 2011 at 12:36 | Report abuse | Reply
    • aww

      hugs to you, sweetheart. he is holding you right now. ❤

      June 30, 2011 at 12:42 | Report abuse |
    • meemee

      Yes. If you got married for the right reasons to begin with. And sorry for your loss.

      June 30, 2011 at 12:44 | Report abuse |
    • Michael

      I too know that pain. It has been almost 5 years and sometimes things like this knock you off your feet. Stay strong, life gives us what we NEED, help is on the way. Peace.

      June 30, 2011 at 13:07 | Report abuse |
    • anobody

      Sending positive thoughts and positive energy your way. Stay strong!

      June 30, 2011 at 13:19 | Report abuse |
    • annabelle

      Sorry for your loss. I can see some on here haven't been so lucky to have found their soulmate. A soulmate is for eternity.

      June 30, 2011 at 13:52 | Report abuse |
  32. POD

    Afterv 40 years with the same woman.....it gets old.....trust me on this.....whatever you could possibly do that didn't involve barnyard animals, spam, midgets and beach balls....has been done

    June 30, 2011 at 12:42 | Report abuse | Reply
    • quinc

      That's the funniest comment on here, thanks...

      June 30, 2011 at 12:58 | Report abuse |
    • Ben

      If you have not ever used a beach ball, you are missing out on some fun. I love FT Lauderdale

      June 30, 2011 at 14:53 | Report abuse |
  33. Gulp

    Why do women fake their orgasms? Because they think we care.

    June 30, 2011 at 12:45 | Report abuse | Reply
    • thatwaslame

      Well done

      June 30, 2011 at 13:03 | Report abuse |
    • DaGspot

      if they're faking it's probably to keep them awake.

      June 30, 2011 at 13:07 | Report abuse |
  34. dcv

    With thet huge pr0n addition problem we have in this country (world) I can't believe you're recommending it as a s3x aid. Let alone that, most pr0n is degrading and even violent toward women. A loving relationship with your spouse is the answer, not pr0n.

    June 30, 2011 at 12:46 | Report abuse | Reply
  35. anobody

    Quoting: “A woman is less likely to have orgasms early in a relationship. Her body needs time to adapt to the new partner, to learn to trust him or her, and to relax into the knowledge that her partner accepts and appreciates her body.”
    But she will let the new (male) partner deliver his payload right away, but the big O that takes time for trust to set in, right that makes sense. Baby before trust, not so much! I would like to see the numbers on how many "new partner" s3xual encounters reliably use birth control.

    June 30, 2011 at 12:48 | Report abuse | Reply
  36. JohnLI

    I am convinced the world would be a better place if CNN did not have a website.

    June 30, 2011 at 12:52 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Ben

      lol. now that is funny

      June 30, 2011 at 14:54 | Report abuse |
  37. sum1comn

    This thing is ready to do damage!

    June 30, 2011 at 12:55 | Report abuse | Reply
  38. Joe Michaels

    Wait! S*x in a Chinese restaurant? I never thought of that! Thanks for the idea, CNN!!

    June 30, 2011 at 12:59 | Report abuse | Reply
  39. Richk

    ok, let me save some time for you people and one comment that sums up everything you are goign to type:

    God.....s3x.....Jesus......GOP.......Liberals.......Republicans.......Bible........Psalms......your fault.......not my fault.......muslims......terrorists.......green........oil price.......illuminati.........aliens........sheep.........Palin........hell.........patriot..........gay...........my rights........

    Did I leave anything out?

    June 30, 2011 at 12:59 | Report abuse | Reply
    • anobody

      It's all Obama's fault.

      June 30, 2011 at 13:10 | Report abuse |
    • Good one

      Yup, good one.

      June 30, 2011 at 13:14 | Report abuse |
    • Barack Hussein

      Yeah, you forgot me :/

      June 30, 2011 at 13:24 | Report abuse |
  40. JesusReallyIsTheAnswer

    Jesus is the answer to the question: who gives "god" his comfort $ex?

    June 30, 2011 at 13:01 | Report abuse | Reply
    • anobody

      I always knew God was putting from the rough!

      June 30, 2011 at 13:11 | Report abuse |
  41. Derek

    $exual chemistry and compatibility are huge issues which are generally overlooked as they don't become an issue until later in the relationship. You may have already fallen in love, believed this person to be amazing and be alike in so many good way.. but if you are not matching up $exually, it will be a problem. I have dated women where I needed a jackhammer to get a reaction.. and I have dated some where 1 passionate kiss sets them off and they are total putty in my hands.

    I recently met someone who turned out to be perfect in every way. I have never enjoyed someone's company more and love her more than I ever thought possible.. but leading up to the 1st time was nerve racking since I am well aware of how a mismatch in $exual chemistry can be. I totally agree with the statement of being there worrying about $ex whilst trying to enjoy it..

    As it turns out, we are absolutely compatible $exually too.. I think I met my 1 in a million partner.

    June 30, 2011 at 13:03 | Report abuse | Reply
  42. big John

    For erections lasting more than 4 hours consult your physician : / :
    Hey ahhh Doc. Can I get the phone number of your receptionist? How about that hot little nurse, you know the blonde one with the nervous twitch.

    June 30, 2011 at 13:04 | Report abuse | Reply
  43. ME

    I still perfer banging everyting in sight. The wifey doesn't know.

    June 30, 2011 at 13:08 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Sugartaste81

      Just don't be so sure SHE'S not banging everything in sight, either.

      June 30, 2011 at 15:01 | Report abuse |
  44. Heywood Jablome

    Anyone who has been married knows that when trying to decide what to have for dinner, if you suggest the same thing you had yesterday you will immediately hear the words "No, we just had that last night." This article fails from it's opening premise.

    June 30, 2011 at 13:08 | Report abuse | Reply
    • anobody

      You need to find a new restaurant!

      June 30, 2011 at 13:16 | Report abuse |
  45. gaucho420

    I've never thought about this, but the article is right on in many ways. Good read.

    June 30, 2011 at 13:12 | Report abuse | Reply
  46. Not So at all

    @p0rnSpur That's actually not true at all in terms of enjoying the occasional adult movie with your mate. For some people, that one time may be just what works to help them reignite some passion in their relationship.

    June 30, 2011 at 13:13 | Report abuse | Reply
  47. Trish

    Hey Guys, will you visit HelpFaye.ORG a friend of mine with 2 babies is fighting for her life,,,,, Thanks.

    June 30, 2011 at 13:14 | Report abuse | Reply
  48. Robert D

    I have to say that after 15 years I have learned that s3x is just not what it is cracked up to be. I married a woman who DOES NOT ENJOY s3x. She says that she is just not turned on by the prospect of s3x. She never has. She has never been aroused in the slightest by the things that would turn on most other women.

    Before I get flamed.... Yes I have tried being uber-romantic. I have tried all the 'tricks of the trade'. I have tried sending her love notes, flowers, and such. I have tried 'chick flicks'. I have tried romantic get aways. I have tried everything I can think of. And nothing ever seems to get her 'in the mood'.

    All this talk about how s3x can be great even after decades...to me it is just meaningless. If I had a chance I would instantly go for another woman just for the s3x. But the big problem is if my wife were to know about it she would was the "Big D" and she would clean me out.

    In the end, if the s3x is great, enjoy it. It will go away. If the s3x is not good at all, find someone who can give it better.

    June 30, 2011 at 13:20 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Sucks for you

      How depressing... I'm gonna go shoot myself now.

      June 30, 2011 at 13:26 | Report abuse |
    • Derek

      I have dated women where I would need a jackhammer to get a reaction and other where 1 passionate kiss has them purring.. what people forget is that $exual chemistry is every bit as important as all the other main items. If you don't have it, then it aint much fun.

      June 30, 2011 at 13:34 | Report abuse |
    • Robert D

      Derek... I would agree there. I had dated some girls just like you mentioned. But I, for some reason, married one who has no idea what chemestry is! If you were to equate her s3xual desire to a car, my wife has no engine, no transmission, no fuel tank, no starter motor, and no steering wheel. But this car would have the BEST set of brakes in the world...and they are permanently locked!

      It has been nearly a decade since the last time my wofe and I had s3x of any kind. (And for definition I am referring to ANY CONTACT other than kissing.) So I would advise people to find out what their future spouse thinks about s3x BEFORE ending their life...I mean getting married.

      June 30, 2011 at 13:46 | Report abuse |
    • Ben

      I'm sure this relates to hormones and brain chemistry. they have meds for chicks now ... did she try them ?

      June 30, 2011 at 14:56 | Report abuse |
  49. Spendlove

    First "comfort food" and now this... please. Borrrrring.

    June 30, 2011 at 13:20 | Report abuse | Reply
  50. Bruce

    LOL try to quote anything from an article this guy writes and the auto-moderator flags your post and keeps it hidden...

    June 30, 2011 at 13:21 | Report abuse | Reply
    • bill

      Try certain movie as well, like that triple (letter before y)

      June 30, 2011 at 13:25 | Report abuse |
    • News is conservative

      Who says the news media is liberal? If they were liberal they'd allow readers to post and would treat them like adults. Instead they (all) treat us like little kids. It's no wonder people think up creative ways to write words like s3x and t1ts and ba!!s.

      June 30, 2011 at 14:48 | Report abuse |
    • Franque

      But guess what you can say? I heart tatty fecking!

      June 30, 2011 at 14:55 | Report abuse |
    • Curt

      If people acted like adults they wouldn't need to use immature words to express themselves. They are just keeping the immature from polluting the comment sections, although maybe not very well since you guys got through.

      June 30, 2011 at 19:21 | Report abuse |
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Get a behind-the-scenes look at the latest stories from CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen and the CNN Medical Unit producers. They'll share news and views on health and medical trends - info that will help you take better care of yourself and the people you love.