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Do women like porn as much as men?
April 28th, 2011
08:48 AM ET

Do women like porn as much as men?

Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him at his website, GoodInBed.

If you’d asked me this question a couple of years ago, I would have said “no.” But the times they are a-changing: just as female infidelity is on the rise, women are catching up to the guys in other ways, too - including a propensity for porn.

As a sex therapist and founder of the website Good in Bed, here’s what I’m observing:

- More couples are enjoying porn together, with women often taking the lead in choosing the material.

- More women are using porn to get themselves in the mood for sex or to enjoy their sexuality on their own.

- More women are using porn to learn new sexual techniques or to explore sexually adventurous situations.

- More women are using porn to satisfy a general curiosity about sex overall, and

- More women are comfortable and confident in asserting their opinions on the subject.

In short, women are increasingly using porn for pretty much the same reasons (and pleasures) as men. Meanwhile, guys are increasingly surprised to discover that their female partners are interested in porn - and tend to be even more surprised to discover what they’re watching (I’ll get to that in a moment).

So what’s going on? Why the apparent change? To be honest, I’d always been of the mind that men and women are somewhat different when it comes to porn, for both biological and sociological reasons:

On the biological side, I’ve often said female sexual desire is more complex than male desire, and that porn rather clearly illustrates that difference: In men, visual stimulation leads quickly to sexual arousal, and with that chain of arousal often comes a desire to be stimulated to orgasm. In that sense, arousal and desire are very closely related, and it’s one of the reasons that Viagra has been so successful with men: Give a guy an erection and he basically wants to use it. In men, porn initiates the “sexual-circuit” very quickly.

That’s not to say that women don’t respond to visual stimulation either, or that that stimulation doesn’t lead to genital arousal, but that arousal doesn’t always trigger desire in women the way that it does with men.

When I talk to guys about their porn use, many describe a lack of pre-meditation. For example, a guy could be hanging out on his computer, checking out his favorite sports site, when up pops an ad with a sexy woman in a bikini and, bang, next thing he knows he’s trawling porn sites in search of sexual release.

With women, however, the use of porn or the desire/decision to have an orgasm is often less opportunistic. A woman may see something super-sexy, and recognize it as sexy, and even arousing, but that doesn’t mean she’s necessarily going to stop what she’s doing to stimulate herself to orgasm. (By the way, if you don’t agree with any of this, please chime in below in the comments - sexual desire is by no means a one size fits all model: everyone is different and topic of women and porn is a highly debated one.)

On a more sociological level, generations of women have been told that porn is evil: that it exploits, objectifies, and degrades women, and that a woman who enjoys porn is a betrayer of Women. Some may still feel this is true, (and there are plenty of women who feel uncomfortable with porn), but there are also plenty of women who would beg to disagree and look at porn as a fairly innocuous form of erotic escapism that’s a personal choice and not a big deal.

Additionally, many women have contended that porn, until fairly recently, was never really created with female customers in mind; that porn was designed to appeal to men and lacked elements that were more organic to female sexuality, such as foreplay, intimacy and erotic storylines.

Well, today there are many porn sites geared toward women. In fact, there’s even a regular Feminist Porn Awards that recognizes erotic entertainment that is smart, sexy, and appreciates women as viewers.

Combine a recognition of a female audience with the rapid proliferation of easily accessible Internet porn, and it only makes sense that more women are enjoying porn. (By the way, if you’re a woman and you’re interested in dipping a toe - or perhaps nose-diving - into the world of porn, I suggest checking out the work of Violet Blue and her book, "The Smart Girl's Guide to Porn." Or if porn isn’t your thing, but you’re interested in some hot erotic literature, take a look at the anthologies that are edited by Rachel Kramer Bussell.)

As it turns our women may be able to enjoy porn with less guilt, or at least with less grief from their male partners. In my experience, women tend to worry a lot more about their man’s porn habits and what it means to their relationship, whereas many of the men I’ve spoken with tend to be intrigued by the idea of women and porn - especially since women are much more likely to enjoy porn that does not directly reflect their sexual orientation.

One study at Northwestern University, for example, examined the effects of porn on genital arousal and concluded that men responded more intensely to porn that correlated to their particular sexual orientation, whereas women tended to be genitally aroused by a much broader spectrum of erotic material. Who knows –- perhaps the enormous variety of material offered by the Internet will end up playing more to the spectrum of female desire than male desire in the long run?

For the moment, it would seem that women are not watching porn nearly as much as men. Recently, a researcher from the University of Montreal set out to study whether pornography had an impact on guys’ sex lives. He searched for men in their 20s who'd never consumed porn, and guess what? He couldn't find a single one. I can still show you plenty of women who have never looked at porn - but perhaps not for long.

So do women like porn as much as men? You tell me.


soundoff (481 Responses)
  1. STC

    I was so excited to read this article and hope that more women will feel less embarressed about watching or talking about p0rn. It should be a shame free choice for men and women alike. The down side for a girl looking for material, besides its social stigmatism, is it is hard to FIND women oreinted plotlines and quality, 99% is geared towards men's orgasm and spends zero time on foreplay.......and FYI lighting matters to us we don't like to watch ugly bits and peices..its about creating a fantasy not a realistic too close view of a poorly waxed beaver.

    April 28, 2011 at 14:29 | Report abuse | Reply
  2. Lanfear

    Not all Chinese men are "small". My Chinese ex was packing a good 6 inches 😉

    April 28, 2011 at 14:31 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Jeff

      I'd say beenie weenie time, but that's probably enormous in some parts of the world.

      April 28, 2011 at 14:46 | Report abuse |
    • PLOVE

      Must be a mutt.

      April 28, 2011 at 14:55 | Report abuse |
    • Lanfear

      100% Chinese. But he had a larger, rounder build.

      April 28, 2011 at 15:00 | Report abuse |
  3. Thinks2010

    Women's s#xuality is stronger and more varied than men will ever know. We have just learned to control it and keep it to ourselves. Why is that you might ask? I think it is because over the centuries women have so often been belittled, berated, beaten or killed for expressing their s#xuality. Just think of all the nasty and degrading words that women who express their s#xuality are called and compare that to the number of like terms that exist for men. Think also about all the articles you see about men who have abused or killed the women in their lives just because they think the women have looked at another guy. I'm not saying all men do that, obviously the majority don't physically abuse or kill the women in their lives. However, I think most men have used the nasty and degrading words. In any event, the greater negative consequences women have and still do experience when they are open about their s#xuality is probably the major reason why they keep it so well hidden.

    April 28, 2011 at 14:34 | Report abuse | Reply
  4. Dr Bill Toth

    Things have really changed since the "Hays Code" was dropped from use back in 1968. And as TV and Internet become even more interwoven one can only imagine what men, women and families will be watching soon. Live with intention, DrBillToth.com/blog

    April 28, 2011 at 14:36 | Report abuse | Reply
    • kikii

      Bill Maher even made fun of watching– it's really becoming more and more harmful.

      April 28, 2011 at 15:56 | Report abuse |
  5. Aaron

    This article is just plain icky. Wish I'd skipped clicking that link.

    April 28, 2011 at 14:44 | Report abuse | Reply
  6. Sam

    What garbage. Seriously, I think people can do better than watching other people do it. Gross!

    April 28, 2011 at 14:48 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Perskaya01

      Agreed!

      April 28, 2011 at 15:42 | Report abuse |
    • kikii

      Agreed!

      April 28, 2011 at 15:57 | Report abuse |
    • Dirt McGirt

      Yes, I also like to browse articles that apparently not interested in, and rather than give my opinion on the subject and question at hand, I'd rather chime in and just say it's gross.

      June 5, 2011 at 12:02 | Report abuse |
  7. Jeff

    How do you approach your wife to try it without getting slapped?? Help me out here wives!

    April 28, 2011 at 14:51 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Chest Rockwell

      Jeff, its called forced feeding

      April 28, 2011 at 15:00 | Report abuse |
    • Bethie

      My husband brought it up one night 12yrs ago when we had no kids and I didn't turn it down. It never hurts to ask! maybe get on the computer ask her to view it with you. There is many ways to bring it to her attention. Dont be ashamed I hope she's as open as I am with it! Good luck

      April 28, 2011 at 15:10 | Report abuse |
    • kikii

      Don't do it Jeff. Turn off the crap and devote yourself to your wife– you'll develop a life you've never known can happen!

      April 28, 2011 at 16:04 | Report abuse |
    • kikii

      Open?? It's more open minded to discover new ways to be with your spouse then the "monkey see monkey do" method. Those who watch it are actually the repressed ones. No stimulation needed here– other than thinking about it with my husband! Tantric –the likes of which I've never known before– over and over and over..... without watching anyone else– now THAT'S powerful!!

      April 28, 2011 at 16:07 | Report abuse |
    • 4horsman

      Jeff don't listen to Kiki, she's probably not even getting any...

      June 1, 2011 at 11:39 | Report abuse |
    • jsizzslc

      Show her this article and then playfully suggest you try it together.

      September 12, 2011 at 01:02 | Report abuse |
  8. Chest Rockwell

    Society pressures womem to say that they are not turned on by p0rn. My sampling indicates that women abandon their protests once the plot thickens....

    April 28, 2011 at 14:53 | Report abuse | Reply
  9. Dear Ian

    Not even close.

    Dude. Seriously. You really jumped the shark on this one.

    April 28, 2011 at 15:00 | Report abuse | Reply
    • kikii

      He sure did jump the shark! With all the problems it's causing people– we don't need a pseudo therapist spreading the crap. Dr.(?) Kerner– study some more on the harmful effects of p* -maybe then you can actually help someone instead of fishing to fill your own ego!

      April 28, 2011 at 15:19 | Report abuse |
    • kikii

      http://www.your brain on p***.com Go here to get info....

      April 28, 2011 at 18:56 | Report abuse |
    • flickchick

      Buy a clue...just because you "think" the women you know don't like P doesn't mean they don't. Have you asked?

      April 28, 2011 at 18:58 | Report abuse |
    • kikii

      And fluckchuck– the converse is also true– just because you "think" they like it doesn't mean they do.

      April 28, 2011 at 19:52 | Report abuse |
    • collins61

      Put a sock in it Kiki. You've made your point and its quite obvious you're a frustrated, unwanted whiner. Go do your thing and don't beat down those who choose differently.

      April 29, 2011 at 08:08 | Report abuse |
  10. Isabelle

    P0RN damages your brain. It addictive and it is a huge lie. Women compare themselves to images that are not real and feel hopeless and men learn to think their spouse is not good enough and become dissatisfied because she is not perfect. The relationship between a husband and wife is sacred and beautiful. It grows even more so with time, even while time is changing our bodies. You love each other for much, much more than for the way the other looks.

    April 28, 2011 at 15:04 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Lanfear

      p0rn is only damaging if you are insecure, or have an addiction.

      April 28, 2011 at 15:06 | Report abuse |
    • Jared Prater, man.

      I agree.

      April 28, 2011 at 15:14 | Report abuse |
    • Jared Prater, man.

      Agree to Isabelle, that is!!

      April 28, 2011 at 15:15 | Report abuse |
    • kikii

      Isabelle, you're right!

      April 28, 2011 at 15:17 | Report abuse |
    • Perskaya01

      Agreed, Isabella!

      April 28, 2011 at 15:27 | Report abuse |
    • jimmynog

      I find people that have this opinion (and it IS only an opinion, there is no proof whatsoever) usually have an axe to grind, e.g. they were seksually abused as kids or their bf/husband forces them to do things they don't want to do, or they are simply man-haters. Actually they tend to be very unpleasant people, full of self-righteousness and quick to offer advice on how other people should live, and they don't have seks of any kind, because no one wants them.

      April 28, 2011 at 15:42 | Report abuse |
    • Anon

      I totally agree with Jimmy.
      I am scientist with a masters degree and your self created study on the effects of P*rn on the thinking capacity of the human brain contains many flaws, such as no data whatsoever.

      April 28, 2011 at 15:46 | Report abuse |
    • Fuyuko

      this assumes that women are mindless and cannot discern photoshopped images and on-screen fakery from reality. Most adults can unless they have other issues.

      April 28, 2011 at 17:28 | Report abuse |
    • marie

      Yeah, and masturbation makes you go blind.

      April 28, 2011 at 18:02 | Report abuse |
    • IMO

      On this topic, it doesn't matter who agrees with whom. To each their own.

      April 28, 2011 at 19:24 | Report abuse |
    • kikii

      P0rn becomes the addiction....

      April 28, 2011 at 23:16 | Report abuse |
    • albie

      agreed, axe grinder

      April 29, 2011 at 00:51 | Report abuse |
    • Benny

      WELL SAID ED!

      @ Nurse Kikii... I'm an Electrical Engineer who was married to an Unemployeed Waste of Skin, who was cousins to an Owner of a Honda dealership, who had a friend that was a Dental Hygenist, who was married to a Landscaper, who worked for a Football Player, who had drinks once with the Surgeon General who thinks "additional stimulation" is OK and isn't addictive. There see! It's all ok now!

      For the sake of us all, could you please find a way to broaden your mind and realize that not all of us have your repressed s.e. xual desires and actually wish to enjoy life.

      I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, as I'm sure that you have a very fulfilling relationship with Mr. Kikii PhD, but the majority of human kind likes a little excitement. Doesn't mean it's an addiction.

      For example. My Waste of Skin Ex-Wife NEVER partook of the apple called P.o. r.n. and yet still felt the need to sit on her fat bottom while I went to work for 12 hours a day 6-7 days a week and had an affair with the mailman, the school principle and my father! A true S.l. ut. if ever one lived and NEVER once watched a movie.

      April 29, 2011 at 07:31 | Report abuse |
    • Give me a break

      P is only a problem for people who already have underlying issues. I love how ultra-conservative people will quote convenient studies, etc... that align with their belief system. Facts be darned! P is not damaging in the least. My wife and I both enjoy it on occasion, and have for the last 21 years. Guess what people? It never became an "addiction" or a "problem." Those labels are cop outs for people looking to lay convenient blame on something for assorted, unrelated behaviors. Cheating on your wife and get caught? P's fault! Get caught for S assault? P's fault! See a trend? Churchy people: Flame on.

      April 29, 2011 at 07:42 | Report abuse |
    • kikii

      My response stating who I am and who my husband is was a direct response to Anon–who stated who he is....that's all. I wasn't attempting to lend credibility to anything. The research out there simply backs up MY view that p0rn isn't a necessity, a thoiught process that seems to make some people cling to it like it's a lifeline! Some of you seem like you'd fight to the death for your p0rn.. I BROADEN my mind by listening to all of you and attempting to gain some understanding into the addictive nature of p0rn. I find it very interesting!!

      April 29, 2011 at 10:41 | Report abuse |
    • kikii

      Benny, of course you turn to calling me secksually repressed. I submit that I have broadened my mind more by enjoying a secks life without extra stimulation via p0rn watching. We use "toys', etc. My mind, imagination, body and his mind, imagination body equals tantric secks. He describes to me an O that seems none ending.... whole body stimulation... it really is fantastic for us. Only saying p0rn isn't needed here.

      April 29, 2011 at 16:03 | Report abuse |
    • okita

      are u a pron star?

      May 6, 2011 at 14:53 | Report abuse |
    • abz2000 dot com

      agree isabelle

      May 19, 2011 at 19:25 | Report abuse |
    • lisa

      Yes Isabelle. I agree. People who say p*rn is only harmful if your addicted are kidding themselves. It's always addicting. When a man thinks a woman can get off if you flick her n*pple, and he expects head every time, it damages the whole basis of a relationship. Women want to be satisfied too. Also when a guy spends all day jerkin off, they don't look forward to doing you at night. It takes away all intimacy. They only think of what they saw not you. From my experience, the friends I have who are religious, and the men do not watch that, they have the best relationships. All my friends who disrespect eachother in that way wound up cheating and are divorced. One thing leads to another. watching other women builds desire for other women, turns into cheating, and divorce.

      May 24, 2011 at 19:06 | Report abuse |
  11. Erick

    Lilia, Men are not just attracted to breast of women. Many cultures prefer nice butts and legs.
    Comparing penis size to the breast size is plain dump. I really have not met a woman who say that she like a small penic. On the other hand, there are many men that prefer small breast and small butt.
    There is definitly a reason why male penis is bigger compared to other primates. Females prefer bigger penis.

    April 28, 2011 at 15:06 | Report abuse | Reply
    • lila

      The whole unit size thing was from an evolutionary standpoint, a gorilla is larger but their unit is only the size of a pencil. There is no correlation between a human males unit and his body strength, height or intelligence so there was another factor. One theory, the one I agree with, is that women in the beginning preferred them over the pencils. All human males are much larger than a gorilla and all other primates. Womens chest sizes are actually a mystery. Men seem to prefer larger ones, from an evolutionary standpoint not cultural, but the different chest sizes that modern women have doesn't seem to reflect that.

      April 28, 2011 at 16:00 | Report abuse |
    • Fuyuko

      Actually, I think the men are more obsessed about the size of their manhood and other men's manhoods then women are.

      April 28, 2011 at 17:31 | Report abuse |
  12. Erick

    Italy FL, I don't beleive you! 🙂 I think you are actually a Filipino guy pretending to be an Italian woman.

    April 28, 2011 at 15:08 | Report abuse | Reply
  13. Jared Prater, man.

    This article is for boys. Men love their wives and meet their wives physical and emotional needs.

    April 28, 2011 at 15:12 | Report abuse | Reply
    • kikii

      You rock!

      April 28, 2011 at 15:20 | Report abuse |
    • Anon

      How old are you, how long have you been married, and how many kids do you have. I may be wrong but I bet its all the following: under 30yrs old, married under 5 years, and 0 kids.

      April 28, 2011 at 15:23 | Report abuse |
    • Perskaya01

      A true man! I wish more men who agree with you would stand up and say so...congrats to you and your lucky wife!

      April 28, 2011 at 15:28 | Report abuse |
    • Anon

      I don't think the majority of men have a problem meeting the needs of their wives. Its the reversal that causes P*rn usage for men.

      April 28, 2011 at 15:44 | Report abuse |
    • jimmynog

      That should be: Jared Prater, puzzy.

      April 28, 2011 at 15:44 | Report abuse |
    • Give me a break

      You sound very idealistic, and newly married. You are exactly the type of guy that gets divorced after 4 years because reality doesn't compare to your fairy tale fantasy. Sadly, you have been programed to say these things by your church or some other social construct without even understanding what you are saying.

      April 29, 2011 at 07:52 | Report abuse |
    • kikii

      Sounds like there are a bunch of frustrated men here that inspite of undulging in extra sensory stimulation are still disatisfied with their lives......you prove my points on your own.

      April 29, 2011 at 10:37 | Report abuse |
  14. JanetG

    I have never seen so much traffic on a CNN comments board before. Clearly this topic has touched a cultural third rail. When I wrote A Lusting Couple, I was hoping other foursomes would step up, at least in anonymous groups like this. Anyone?

    April 28, 2011 at 15:14 | Report abuse | Reply
    • kikii

      That's self promoting just a bit– IT'S ALL ABOUT THE MONEY!! Isn't it Janet???

      April 28, 2011 at 15:21 | Report abuse |
    • Jim

      Link to your article please....

      April 28, 2011 at 15:21 | Report abuse |
    • Jim

      Janet,
      I researched you're book and I got very interested in it. I actually downloaded the Kindle App on my tablet and just purchased a copy of the book! I'm very excited to read it with my wife!

      April 28, 2011 at 19:55 | Report abuse |
  15. Jim

    I think there are a couple of things that are helping to entice women towards p0rn. First p0rn is everywhere. Any guy that says he doesn't watch it lies. period. With p0rn being so embedded within our society, normal TV shows are getting edgier (True Blood, Tudors, Weeds, Californication, Sparticus, to name a few) S.e.x isn't something to be embarrassed to watch and women are getting more and more empowered about their own s.e.xuality all the time. Another thing is that professional p0rn has realized that the fat hairy male p0rn star sporting a mustache does nothing to turn on the female viewer. Many of the male p0rn stars are very fit with 6-pack abs which,speaking for my wife, appreciates a lot more. The last thing is that amateur p0rn has been really taking off to where I'd say close to 50% of the p0rn you can find is by amateurs. This nullifies the argument that p0rn degrades women and the women are victims because amateur p0rn is made by exhibitionist couples that want to have as many people see them as possible and the pleasure that they are experiencing is very real which makes it that much more pleasurable for us to watch.

    April 28, 2011 at 15:17 | Report abuse | Reply
    • kikii

      More and more men are suffering erectile dysfunction secondary to p use. Many women turn to p to satisfy themselves because the men just can't do it any more!!

      April 28, 2011 at 15:28 | Report abuse |
    • Jim

      Umm that would be a false and a false.
      Where did you come up with that theory?

      April 28, 2011 at 15:31 | Report abuse |
    • D

      @kikii- you are so right about the effect on men. It's disturbing.

      April 28, 2011 at 15:36 | Report abuse |
    • D

      @Jim-I am guessing you have not dated a lot of male p0rn users.

      April 28, 2011 at 15:37 | Report abuse |
    • MrsFizzy

      Hmmmmm...maybe kikii is onto something...!

      April 28, 2011 at 15:43 | Report abuse |
    • jimmynog

      kikii is a lez, how would she know?

      April 28, 2011 at 15:46 | Report abuse |
    • kikii

      @ Jim– there are many studies circulating out there! Please do some reading. I'm not going to post all the links I have. I'm a nurse– urologists are seeing more and more cases of it. Of course, there may be other physical reasons for it– but for a guy suffering with this problem–I'M NOT INSINUATING YOU HAVE IT– just answering your question- it's something a guy should consider. And, nice Jimmynog.... I'm happily married–to a man... but my comment must have struck a nerve with you. Wasn't my intention– just want men to consider the eventual damage they may be causing themselves.

      April 28, 2011 at 16:15 | Report abuse |
    • Jim

      Well if what kikii says is true then I would surely show signs of having a problem by now since I am now close to 40 and have never slowed down watching p0rn, and since I've married now enjoy watching it even more because my wife is really into it and is constantly emailing me links to video she finds very hot or things she wants to try.
      Oh and I did a little research on what you were talking about and apparently you are out of date in your theory because now they know that their data was wrong because they found that with viagra now available, ever increasing amount of men are claiming to have some type of erectile dysfunction in order to obtain this drug to increase their stamina from average to spectacular.

      April 28, 2011 at 16:41 | Report abuse |
    • kikii

      Yes, Jim. There are drugs available– and the drug company is laughing all the way to the bank. ED caused by P exists. You and I both know we can go back and forth on every bit of lit you can find on the internet. I'd say this– Jim,,, put away the P..... don't take any Viagra.... do you have a rocking seks life then? Already hooked– the p industry and Viagra industry rule your world.

      April 28, 2011 at 16:52 | Report abuse |
    • Jim

      Kikii, I do not use drugs of any kind. I've never even tasted alcohol in my life until I got married in a Greek Orthodox church where I had to take a sip of wine.
      I am, however, in the opinion that p0rn makes the world a better place. We watch so much death and violence on TV that it becomes refreshing to watch happy people having a great pleasurable time on TV or the internet. I don't know if it is because my wife is European that she thinks the same way. She finds Americans love for blood and death in entertainment disgusting and her and her GF's in Greece are in her same opinion that is is great to be v0yeuristic and a little exhibitionistic (spelling??) because the body and what it is capable of pleasure-wise is something to be celebrated and not ashamed of. We have been very happily married for almost 10 years.

      April 28, 2011 at 17:12 | Report abuse |
    • kikii

      Jim, happy for you and your wonderful marriage. Not sarcastic either. But, you're fooled if you think most of P is pleasurable to the actors/actresses. That's why they call it acting.

      April 28, 2011 at 17:32 | Report abuse |
    • Jim

      Kikii, Of course there is no black and white in anything in life and I don't pretend there is in p0rn. My wife and I are turned off by the fakeness of much of the professional p0rn out there. The women look fake, too much makeup, plastic surgery, etc.. the men overly muscled, the acting very cheesy. We really enjoy the amateur stuff where it is couples, or three or four people together obviously enjoying each other very much and it is all real. We like to watch and, on occasion, being watched.
      If anything should be banned it is gross violence on TV. People should enjoy watching people being happy and feeling good and not people dying.

      April 28, 2011 at 17:55 | Report abuse |
    • kikii

      "You have to really prepare physically and mentally for it. I mean, I go through a process from the night before. I stop eating at 5p.m. I do, you know, like two enemas, and then the next morning I don't eat anything. It's so draining on your body."

      -Belladonna, star of Two in the Seat #3, in Robert Jensen's "A Cruel Edge"

      April 28, 2011 at 23:09 | Report abuse |
  16. Anon

    Here is an honest question, mostly directed toward women. My wife occasionally wants intercourse but does not have near the drive that I do. I have often asked her nicely, romanced, and supressed my urges for her with to no avail. So, I have gone to P*rn sites to get relief for my urges, which she disaproves of also. The way I see it is that I am using P*rn to save my marriage due to my frustration. Do you side with me or my wife and what are your suggestions?

    April 28, 2011 at 15:41 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Don't Tell Anyone

      You hit the nail on the head, friend. Pern can actually save a marriage, and by extension a family, from infidelity, anger, resentment, frustration, and a litany of other human responses to rejection. Aversion to LEGAL pern indicates an insecurity in the individual viewer/consumer. If it is LEGAL, pern can make you a better mate with no issues regarding cheating.

      April 28, 2011 at 16:11 | Report abuse |
    • kikii

      Anon, You sound like a guy who truly loves his wife– good guy. It–meaning the p word– might work in the moment and it might push your wife even further back. In the moment,- doesn't help for the long haul. It's hard to reply to you on this forum. First of all, I don't know how old your baby is. Post-partum depression? Is that what's going on with you guys?

      April 28, 2011 at 16:30 | Report abuse |
    • kikii

      I don't side with your wife or you– I think P is going to be the final nail in your marriage's coffin!

      April 28, 2011 at 17:39 | Report abuse |
    • Jim

      I suggest that the two of you sit down and talk. Communication is key in a marriage or any relationship for that matter. If she is no longer very s.e.x.ual you need to find out why. Maybe it is something that you are doing that is a big turn off for her. Maybe it is hormonal and she would like to be more s.e.x.ual but she just isn't feeling it. On the other hand, if she got into the marriage with the knowledge that you were a highly s.e.x.ual person and she was faking it the whole time thinking that you would eventually change then she is in the wrong because you cannot marry someone hoping to change them. You have to marry the person that you love everything about them without any desire to change them. It is unfair if she lead you to believe that the marriage would be very s.e.x.ual in nature then turned that switch off after marriage. If you are in that situation then there will need to be compromise and that is between the two of you if you want the marriage to last or to have a chance for happiness. No one side can be completely right and the other completely wrong. You have to meet halfway. As an example, maybe she tries to be more s.e.x.ual and in turn you cut down on the amount of p0rn that you watch (All guys watch p0rn and pleasure themselves so it's unrealistic to say that you'll completely stop) Good luck!

      April 28, 2011 at 18:44 | Report abuse |
    • kikii

      Good words, Jim, up until the point when you said all guys view it and pleasure themselves. Your watching activities over the years may have contributed to her shutdown. She may NEVER tell you the truth about that–because she may truly want your happiness.Not knowing, fully, the whole situation/history it/s difficult to comment. Hope you can get things worked out.

      April 28, 2011 at 19:56 | Report abuse |
    • Jim

      Kikii,
      It is the truth. P0rn is so embedded into the internet and our society such that we have grown up with it and it is very easy and normal to access much as the author of this article describes. Males are visual creatures and derive much pleasure from viewing beautiful females and p0rn. No matter what a guy says to the contrary he is viewing it. If they are not then something if wrong with their hormone levels.

      April 28, 2011 at 20:06 | Report abuse |
    • Jim

      Also I was trying to convey to the guy that to tell your wife that you will stop watching p0rn is to lie to her and yourself because no matter what you may tell yourself you will continue to do it so why set yourself up for failure?

      April 28, 2011 at 20:08 | Report abuse |
    • kikii

      Jim, it's not like p0rn is on the table of elements–it's not a necessity to live. Your brain has been trained to think you need it. I believe Anon is capable of putting it in the past. Kick a man, why don't you?! Jeez....

      April 28, 2011 at 22:56 | Report abuse |
    • kikii

      And wow, Jim, you've got it bad. NOT every man looks at it and NOT every man needs his hormone level checked. Why such inflammatory statement?

      April 28, 2011 at 23:00 | Report abuse |
    • JG FROM IC

      Hey Kikii, How about you go to google and type in Free "P." Then look to see how many different websites there are and how many views they have! Go ahead do it. Its that simple i could sit at work and wack it if i wanted to. P is here for people to use if they want to. if you have a problem with using it your self dont F'in Look at it, it's that simple! People have the right to free speech. And you alse seem to express your right to free speech! so don't try and repress mine! USA USA USA If you don't LOVE IT Leave it!

      May 6, 2011 at 16:20 | Report abuse |
  17. hot

    I dunno if this article is true, but that picture at the top is hot.

    April 28, 2011 at 15:52 | Report abuse | Reply
    • LawnDude

      Couldn't agree more!

      April 28, 2011 at 16:47 | Report abuse |
    • db_cooper

      ...you mean the one of Sanje Gupta?

      April 28, 2011 at 23:21 | Report abuse |
  18. coolbreeze

    If you are having trouble with your marriage, seek a marriage therapist. I think husband and wife, boyfriend or girlfriend need to take care of each others s.e.x.ual needs. A mutual thing.. Men and women need to start getting back in shape so that they may have a better s.e.x life and women need to stop being unsecured and start making you men want you like putting on some ligerie and taking out those whips, or using handcuffs. Just make each other go crazy for one another.

    April 28, 2011 at 16:02 | Report abuse | Reply
  19. Anon

    Kikii- you seem like a decent person but what does P*orn have to do with Tiger and Charlie Sheen? They have fidelity problems and drug problems, respectively. I think there is a misconception between infidelity and p*rn usage. P*rn is only an issue when either party disagrees with its usage and it affects their relationship. If a relationship is stable or non existent, how is it an issue.

    April 28, 2011 at 16:11 | Report abuse | Reply
    • kikii

      Exactly, Anon. It was an issue. The addictive properties of it are scientifically based. Look into the effects of dopamine, oxytocin, etc. There are truly physical addictions to it. I'm sorry for the troubles with your wife. You sound like you truly love her and want the most for her– what a good guy. She knows you watch it?

      April 28, 2011 at 16:20 | Report abuse |
  20. TheClash

    You Western man, you're free with your seed
    When you make lovers rock
    But woops! there goes the strength that you need
    To make real cool lovers rock
    'Cause a genuine lover takes off his clothes
    And he can make a lover in a thousand go's
    An' she don't need that thing that she had to swallow

    April 28, 2011 at 16:18 | Report abuse | Reply
  21. bbq

    why do I need p0rn when I have a super hot wife willing to have s3x?

    April 28, 2011 at 16:27 | Report abuse | Reply
  22. MotoChris

    ok so i've been single for many years. And have been with my fair share of them, probably enough to give me a fair idea of what women are like. And i can tell you each and every one is almost TOTALLY different from the other in bed. So putting a general label on women is out the window, in my opinion.

    By the way, i love beautiful girls as much as the next guy, but when the lights go out and push comes to shove, if a girl has a great smile and smells really good all over, it doesn't matter what she looks like, what kind of shape she's in etc. To me anyway. Yeah i'd prefer Gwyneth over the fat chick in Glee but i think you know what i mean

    April 28, 2011 at 16:34 | Report abuse | Reply
  23. Girl

    P for healthy couples is just that, healthy. Everything is harmful if not consumed properly.

    April 28, 2011 at 17:07 | Report abuse | Reply
  24. Skylar

    My fiancée and I look at p0rn together. When we first started dating I was embarrassed about the fact that I have looked at it, and so I didn't tell him about it. A couple years down the road though and it came up in conversation, and I knowing he would still love me let him in on my secret. He was a bit hurt that it took me so long to trust him, but rather than be upset he suggested that we look at it together. It was a bit awkward at first, and we still have yet to find something that I actually like, but I think it has brought us closer together s.e.xually. We are able to be completely open with each other and have no need to feel ashamed. Recently because of our inability to find something I like, we have turned to reading erotic stories together, which works well for both of us. For those who are commenting that p0rn is for people who aren't otherwise satisfied are wrong, that is not a universal fact. Prior to looking at p0rn with my fiancée we were both completely s.e.xually satisfied, and in fact neither of us had been looking at p0rn while we were in the relationship until we started looking at it together.

    April 28, 2011 at 17:12 | Report abuse | Reply
  25. Rick

    You only live once, enjoy a little drink with your wife, or p0rn, or dressing up in clown costumes and going at it.

    April 28, 2011 at 17:22 | Report abuse | Reply
    • mel t.

      A M E N !!!!!!!!!

      May 26, 2011 at 13:32 | Report abuse |
  26. JT

    I find it really amazing that there is so much concern about the effects on humans of visually stimulating materials, but not
    a word from anyone about the very real and incredibly important environmental poisons that are gradually destroying
    human reproductive abilities as well as causing more and more illness for everyone on the planet. I wish you would all get even half so stirred up about these things as you do about erotica.

    April 28, 2011 at 17:40 | Report abuse | Reply
  27. MsDonna

    All this s&x talk is making me "swollen" and I'm at work and can't wait so I'm making a trip to the laides room!

    April 28, 2011 at 17:45 | Report abuse | Reply
    • skaught

      can i watch ?

      May 8, 2011 at 22:52 | Report abuse |
  28. Naranjelo

    Pron is like alcohol, it's not necessarily a bad thing unless it is causing problems. How many men out there are using pron instead of cheating. And if you can watch it together it really heightens the experience.

    April 28, 2011 at 17:57 | Report abuse | Reply
  29. anne

    In my opinion p*** is like alcohol. It' s perfectly ok to have a drink once in awhile but if you find yourself binging then you have a problem. The problem Tiger Woods, Charlie Sheen, and David Duchovony is that they binge. Anyways, for me and my spouse I think that there have been times when p*** has been beneficial. I think of the times after I have my kids and I'm in that postpartum libido lull. Mentally I want to be intimate but physically I just couldn't get there. These were times for us when I think p*** helped. It is something that we enjoy together occasionally but it's definitely not the center of our love life. I just think of it as a tool in our toy box.

    April 28, 2011 at 18:04 | Report abuse | Reply
  30. anne

    In my opinion p* is like alcohol. It' s perfectly ok to have a drink once in awhile but if you find yourself binging then you have a problem. The problem Tiger Woods, Charlie Sheen, and David Duchovony is that they binge. Anyways, for me and my spouse I think that there have been times when p* has been beneficial. I think of the times after I have my kids and I'm in that postpartum libido lull. Mentally I want to be intimate but physically I just couldn't get there. These were times for us when I think p* helped. It is something that we enjoy together occasionally but it's definitely not the center of our love life. I just think of it as a tool in our toy box.

    April 28, 2011 at 18:05 | Report abuse | Reply
    • anne

      Why did this post twice?

      April 28, 2011 at 18:06 | Report abuse |
  31. Candace

    Quite frankly, why would I want that when I can have the real thing? I am much more excited about my husband than pixels.

    April 28, 2011 at 18:36 | Report abuse | Reply
  32. LiberateUs

    I am 17, and I've been addicted to this garbage for 8 years. I WISH we did away with p__completely. China actually did something good by shutting down those websites.

    April 28, 2011 at 19:33 | Report abuse | Reply
  33. Andy

    Yes, sometimes more.

    – A

    April 28, 2011 at 21:49 | Report abuse | Reply
  34. Ree Lee

    Oh, enough already. Conjecture, speculation, guessing games. Do people use p0rn who shouldn't? Yes. Do people enjoy looking at p0rn without ruinous torment raining down upon them? yes. And everything in between. Stop speaking in absolutes about something that most people never even speak honestly about in the first place.

    April 28, 2011 at 22:28 | Report abuse | Reply
  35. DaDoc540

    This is an article that Trekkie Monster from Avenue Q would be interested in. Then again, Kate Monster (no relation to Trekkie) would not find any merit in this.

    April 28, 2011 at 23:23 | Report abuse | Reply
  36. Harvey

    I have never been into spectator sports; I would rather participate.

    April 29, 2011 at 00:42 | Report abuse | Reply
  37. Veritas

    What about the trend of straight (and lesbian/bi) women watching gay p0rn? I enjoy it much more than male/female p0rn and know a number of my female friends feel the same.

    April 29, 2011 at 02:11 | Report abuse | Reply
  38. YoungScientist

    @kiki

    I am one of those scientists of the PhD type and you clearly have no clue. Increase in Viagra use and P*** correlation is absurd. If you had any training and education in biology above a nursing degree, you would know that an erection is achieved through sympathetic and parasympathetic input from the nervous system. The innervation of these pathways increases blood flow to the penile area leading to an erection. A more realistic and scientifically published correlation would be the increase that E.D. is a sign of vascular disease. Did you know that Viagra was originally developed to treat hypertension? Go to PubMed or Medline if you want to cite real science. Until then, stop dressing up your view as science, because it is not. Geez, I cannot stand ignorance!!!

    April 29, 2011 at 09:54 | Report abuse | Reply
    • kikii

      I work for a Urologist. I'm well aware of ED and Viagra. I don't have to go to PubMed, Medscape,etc.etc. There are Urology Journals all in my docs office. I'm far from ignorant but you aren't far from pompous and arrogant. Men present to our clinic c/o ED concerned it may be from their p0rn use. IT MAY BE!! They might get a further workup and they might just get a prescription for Viagra. OH-and there's an increase in requests for pe n i le implants!! Consider the pt. as a whole person– mind and body!!!

      April 29, 2011 at 16:08 | Report abuse |
    • YoungScientist

      @ kikii,

      Please cite those Urology Journals and the primary authors. I did a literature search and could find no such articles. Just because your patient's worry that their p*** use causes E.D. doesn't make it true. You should be ashamed that you would fill your head with such nonsense and pass it off as science. Furthermore, your boss should be debunking these myths, as many of these people most likely have other vascular problems that need to be addressed (hypertension, coronary artery disease, diabetes). And moreover, your husband scientist who you brought into this debate should clarify the issue if it is still not clear. Either way please give me the name of your office, so I know never to go there if I ever need to see a Urologist. Also, you should provide the name of your husband, so if ever sit on a grant review committee his research isn't funded due to incompetency.

      And yes I am being arrogant and condescending, but how else is one supposed to respond to your biased remarks, without a hint of scientific data to back it up!

      April 29, 2011 at 21:13 | Report abuse |
    • jCONE22

      Way to Go Young Scientist!!! Your answer couldn t have been clearer than that. As If one s religious belief has anything to do with science.

      May 9, 2011 at 13:23 | Report abuse |
  39. AAAAAA

    Why are SO MANY WOMEN UPTIGHT about p? I'm a woman who watches p and has no problem with it. No addiction. No low self esteem issues. My life has never been affected negatively by p and I don't suspect it ever will. To each their own. But don't tell me your husband or boyfriend stopped watching p for you because, sweetheart, he didn't. I think it's unfair to ask someone to not watch p for you. Like, why should it matter if he's not cheating on you? Get over your insecurities. Go watch some p. Hey, go watch some p with your husband or boyfriend instead. Then you'll know exactly what he's getting into.

    April 30, 2011 at 23:02 | Report abuse | Reply
  40. Sarah

    I'm young, married woman and I really enjoy watch P. It helps me satisfy my needs in a more pleasurable way. I used it a lot when I was single, but even now I continue to satisfy my own needs and watch P on my own time/terms, as I'm sure my husband and all of the guys I've dated do. I think it's not up to one person to tell their significant other that they can or cannot use P unless it's interfering with the actual intimacy or other real life.
    Just like anything else, P can be abused and get out of control, but for me, it has been healthy and enjoyable. To each their own!

    May 1, 2011 at 13:58 | Report abuse | Reply
  41. Filipina

    @Jimmynog: Do you have fascination with Filipinas? You seem to be obsessed. Can't help but mention the word Filipino.

    May 9, 2011 at 09:11 | Report abuse | Reply
  42. william

    the first half of the article was so right and im a guy and really could relate to it...but the second half was dumb and wishy-washy

    May 19, 2011 at 17:11 | Report abuse | Reply
  43. joe

    Benny you made my day !
    you are the best !

    May 19, 2011 at 18:34 | Report abuse | Reply
  44. Anonymous

    s

    May 20, 2011 at 15:09 | Report abuse | Reply
  45. lisa

    btw, i want to have sx every day at least once, am attractive, and find my hubby cant keep up because of his addiction to p0rn that started before we dated. it infuriates me. it does take over the mind, and gives you false ideas on the way things are meant to be. there is nothing i wouldnt give my husband, yet its been hard for him to stop.

    May 24, 2011 at 19:16 | Report abuse | Reply
    • 4horsman

      Does your husband know that you'll
      do anything for him s@xually?

      June 2, 2011 at 10:43 | Report abuse |
  46. dcv

    Check out the truth about P. P is degrading to women. Women are portrayed as objects and not as humans with their own needs. Even "mainstream" P shows men performing harmful acts on women. Pragmatically, the P actresses are kept drugged and drunk so they'll be compliant, "safe words" to be used on the set in case a woman is hurt are ignored, and if the woman wants to back out of the scene (often they aren't told what they are to perform ahead of time) they are forced by their contract to pay the cost of the lost shoot – all the wages of all the photographers, actors, directors, etc. In short, what is really shown on the screen is often r@pe, whether it's portrayed that way in the film or not. And that's not even talking about the actual S&M stuff that does in fact show r@pe staged or not, gang-bangs, and actual, real violence against the women involved. Stories abound on the internet of actresses who escape the business speaking out against the mental and physical abuses they had to suffer while "acting" in that "industry." And that's in the US, G*d only knows the abuses that happen in the foreign industry.

    P is addicting. It causes addicts to ignore emotional and even physical intimacy with their partners. They find their partners flawed if they don't look and act like the P actresses, who of course are acting while drunk, drugged, and under duress. Plus it's scripted – no one in P ever had a bad day, is too tired, has a headache, whatever. So if the woman doesn't want to, the P addict (or even casual P user) thinks she's flawed, inadequate, and turns to P even more. Normal aging is viewed as letting oneself go. P is bad for relationships, because it is addicting, and because of what it teaches men and women about seks. It's fake, but people look at it and want to simulate it as though it were reality, and that ruins relationships.

    May 26, 2011 at 15:54 | Report abuse | Reply
  47. jk

    its the size of your wallet that matters more then the size of your unit.

    June 2, 2011 at 08:27 | Report abuse | Reply
  48. Tracy

    I must say that reading these posts is interesting but I thought I would find more people who agreed with the writer. I was strongly opposed to watching these kinds of video as my ex husband had his own issues with them. However, my new husband and I enjoy having these videos on. I like to watch them, I guess more like study them, to see what types of things guys may think about. I have found lots of fun ideas and have explored all kinds of things because of them. They do not make me feel bad, but actually better because I see that others are interested in exploring many of the things I now enjoy. If you had asked me to discuss this six years ago I would have frowned and said that it was a bad idea, but now I feel like I have a much more open mind and much more freedom in how I play in the bedroom.

    June 24, 2011 at 03:30 | Report abuse | Reply
  49. danniezhuo

    I am very interested in the way you said, I will try to make their own, what you said to me a lot. Have time to look at my store, thank you!

    June 28, 2011 at 12:19 | Report abuse | Reply
  50. Hmmm...

    I am a man, this is very ... interesting .... a women using p0rn .... thats erotic i hope it gets more common .... becuase masturbation is normal and i would even call it natural ... i hope you ladys find out how good it feels, i also hope they make videos better suited for you 😉 best wishs ....!

    July 14, 2011 at 22:06 | Report abuse | Reply
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