home
RSS
Female infidelity: It's different from the guys
April 7th, 2011
08:29 AM ET

Female infidelity: It's different from the guys

Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him at his website, GoodInBed.


In a committed relationship nothing hurts more, or is harder to recover from, than infidelity, and this is even truer when it’s the female partner who’s been doing the cheating.  In recent years I’ve noticed a precipitous rise in the number of men who have been betrayed by adultery, and while there’s an overall consensus among professionals that female infidelity is on the rise, the trend doesn’t garner nearly as much attention as male infidelity  That’s surprising, because female infidelity is often much more damaging to a marriage. Don’t get me wrong: Male cheating is definitely harmful. But when a woman fools around, it’s often the death knell to a couple’s relationship.

It's often said that men cheat for sex, while women cheat for love, the theory being that men can more easily compartmentalize sex and emotion, while women typically need to experience an emotional connection to a person before feeling sexual desire. Without those pesky emotions to stand in the way of a potential mistake, a guy is much more likely to get himself into trouble (especially if alcohol is involved and inhibitions are down) or to get involved with someone for whom he has no feelings.

That’s not to say that men don't cheat  because they're unhappy, in search of an emotional connection or simply bored in their relationship (a topic we’re currently analyzing at Good in Bed), but  many of the men I've encountered who have cheated on their wives often have no desire to leave their primary relationship. Many of them even characterize themselves as happily married with satisfying sex lives.

That’s one of the reasons there's often a better chance that a couple will stay together and try to work things out when it’s the man who’s doing the cheating, rather than the woman. For men, cheating often tends to be opportunistic—they’re in the wrong place at the wrong time and the cheating doesn’t necessarily mean anything emotionally—whereas with women the desire to cheat is often less opportunistic and more deeply felt.  It’s often more a matter of the heart than of the genitals. Sure, some women cheat for the sex, but many also cheat for another chance at love, or to confirm to themselves that their primary relationship is really over. A woman who cheats is often a woman who doesn't want to work it out. She's already invested time trying to work it out, and she's done. It's too late.

While there aren't any hard statistics on female infidelity, most experts agree that it's on the rise, especially among women who have their own careers and a degree of financial independence. A University of Washington study found that people who earned $75,000 or more per year were 1.5 times more likely to have had extramarital sex than those earning less than $30,000. And with so many women in the workplace, it’s no surprise that  among the spouses who cheated, 46 percent of women and 62 percent of men did so with someone they met through work.

Another big factor in the rise in female infidelity is the Internet. Sexual infidelity often starts with emotional infidelity, and digital technologies offer an abundance of opportunity for emotional (and thrilling) connections: The return of an ex, a workplace flirtation, a Facebook friendship that becomes more than "just friends."  Women are extremely susceptible to “emotional infidelity,” which starts as friendship, often with colleagues or seemingly harmless online relationships, and slowly progresses to something more. A gradual blurring of the lines between friendship and deeper intimacy draws even happily partnered people into relationships they never saw coming.

So what are some of the signs that a woman could be cheating or thinking about it?

–         She shows less general interest in her partner's comings and goings

–         She dresses up for work, but seems to care less about whether her partner finds her attractive

–         She has less interest in sex with her partner

–         She's keeping an irregular schedule and spending more time at work

–         She seems happy, except when she's around her partner

–         She shows less tolerance of her partner's friends and family

–         There are unresolved issues in the relationship that have either been ignored or not resolved in a way that's satisfying to her

–         She's in a child-centric marriage that prioritizes parenting and neglects a couple's relationship, with few opportunities for romance and alone time

Guys, think your wife would never cheat? Think again. When men get angry about something, they tend to lash out, but women often self-silence and bottle up their emotions. As Helen E. Fisher, research professor of anthropology at Rutgers University, says, "Men want to think women don't cheat, and women want men to think they don't cheat, and therefore the sexes have been playing a little psychological game with each other."  Maybe this isn’t so much a game as a reflection of the double standard and culture of forgiveness that favors men—“boys will be boys,” as the adage goes—when they cheat. But as we’re learning, cheating is an equal opportunity sport, one that women are just as likely as men to play.


« Previous entry
soundoff (2,018 Responses)
  1. taura

    I was able to get evidence on my cheating husband through the service of ethicalhacking76@gmail.com… I got detailed info about his secret dating, call logs, whatsapp and others..i found out he had many accounts on POF and match…you can contact him too he also helped 2 others I know. So I can vouch he lld do a good job. Goodluck

    June 16, 2016 at 19:07 | Report abuse | Reply
  2. TheTruth

    Just too many Low Life Loser Unfaithful women nowadays that have Destroyed many Good marriages already and Continue to do so which is why many of us Good men have been Hurt by this. Been there done that.

    June 16, 2016 at 19:42 | Report abuse | Reply
  3. louey jona

    Alright my child . i have received the information that i required from you. and i will be going to my temple right now to make some consultations to know what my gods will be requiring for the spell casting. And its going to take me 25 minutes to make the consultation. so when i come back then i will let you know what the gods need for me to carry out this spell casting for you, and then start on the spell casting right away, without any further delay okay? just stay online till i come.. its going to take me 25 minutes for the consultation. once i am back, then i will call or email you.. Got it? Meanwhile you have to make sure you respond to my call so that i can talk to you better through phone conversation.

    Greeting

    Dr Momodu

    June 24, 2016 at 19:47 | Report abuse | Reply
  4. Anonymous

    (((robinson.buckler @ yahoo. com))) ... restored my relationship, my boyfriend came back to me, i took him back and I am now settled with my him
    Kate...........................

    June 26, 2016 at 17:03 | Report abuse | Reply
  5. Tiffany Sheila

    After 9 years in marriage with my hubby with 3 kids, my husband started going out with other ladies and showed me cold love, on several occasions he threatens to divorce me if I dare question him about his affair with other ladies, I was totally devastated and confused until a old friend of mine told me about a spell caster on the internet Dr. Trust who help people with the relationship and marriage problem by the powers of love spells, at first I doubted if such thing ever exists but decided to give it a try, when I contact him, he helped me cast a spell and within 24hours my husband came back to me and started apologizing, now he has stopped going out with ladies and he his with me for good and for real. Contact ultimatespellcast@gmail. com

    June 28, 2016 at 23:15 | Report abuse | Reply
  6. sean brad

    If you need to hack into any database, delete record, improve credit score, spy on whatsapp, text, phone, emails, as long as it's hack contact cyberappshacker@gmail.com via Email :: cyberappshacker@gmail.com he is great, you won't be disappointed, cheap and fast, he saved my relationships

    July 5, 2016 at 13:07 | Report abuse | Reply
  7. melina

    EXPERIENCED HACKER FOR HIRE.....WE SPECIALIZE IN HIGH GRADE UNLOCKING,PHONE TRACKING,DATABASES HACK,CODE ENCRYPTION,UNTRACEABLE IP,WEBSITES HACK,BANK TRANSFERS,CREDITS CARD HACK,CLEARING OF CRIMINAL RECORDS,EMAIL ADDRESS HACKING,COMPANY RECORDS HACKING. CONTACT ASAP ON melinapaul102@gmail.com SERIOUS MINDED PEOPLE SHOULD CONTACT....

    July 6, 2016 at 19:47 | Report abuse | Reply
  8. rick567

    RICK SIMPSON CANCER CURE NOTIFICATIONS HERE!
    I am Rick Simpson, Am out to notify you all that my cannabis oil is now out to get your cancer cured. The only email you will contact is ( ricksimpson_phoenixtears (@yahoo) .com, fix email to normal to contact to know you are not a spammer or scamer ) every-other email is not approved by me as it is only the above email that is been used to be posting on blogs. This cannabis oil will cure you of your cancer in just four days or at-most two weeks as it is as powerful as that. The oil is with my trusted doctor called Dr Johnny Haban, As during my research to get permanent cure to cancer he was there for me all the way and did not start lying that the cure is out when is not out like one of my agent that use to operate my face book page that was lying that the cure is out and was sending fake that can not cure cancer out just to start earning money for himself and thank God he was caught at the early stage by the FBI agents. I personally is out now to let you all in the world know that the only email you must contact is ( ricksimpson_phoenixtears (@yahoo) .com, fix email to normal to contact to know you are not a spammer or scamer ) and the person that will be responding to you is by name Dr Johnny Haban, PHD and the cannabis oil is of three types which are GOOD / BETTER / BEST. They are categorized in that form. But let it be know to you that if you contact the above email which is the only email and approved email by me, Dr Johnny Haban will attend to you and let you know how you will get the oil and it is scam / spammer free if you only contact the above email. Trust him and work with him to curing your cancer as he is my agent and trusted doctor of mine that don’t lie. I wish you all sound health as my cannabis oil is the best of it kind which you all already know and are aware off. Please beware of duplicate comment of this as all this spammers / scammers will just edit it and change the name and email. please beware. Rick Simpson tells the world.

    July 14, 2016 at 21:59 | Report abuse | Reply
  9. rick567

    RICK SIMPSON CANCER CURE NOTIFICATIONS HERE!
    I am Rick Simpson, Am out to notify you all that my cannabis oil is now out to get your cancer cured. The only email you will contact is ( ricksimpson_phoenixtears@yahoo.com ) every-other email is not approved by me as it is only the above email that is been used to be posting on blogs. This cannabis oil will cure you of your cancer in just four days or at-most two weeks as it is as powerful as that. The oil is with my trusted doctor called Dr Johnny Haban, As during my research to get permanent cure to cancer he was there for me all the way and did not start lying that the cure is out when is not out like one of my agent that use to operate my face book page that was lying that the cure is out and was sending fake that can not cure cancer out just to start earning money for himself and thank God he was caught at the early stage by the FBI agents. I personally is out now to let you all in the world know that the only email you must contact is ( ricksimpson_phoenixtears@yahoo.com ) and the person that will be responding to you is by name Dr Johnny Haban, PHD and the cannabis oil is of three types which are GOOD / BETTER / BEST. They are categorized in that form. But let it be know to you that if you contact the above email which is the only email and approved email by me, Dr Johnny Haban will attend to you and let you know how you will get the oil and it is scam / spammer free if you only contact the above email. Trust him and work with him to curing your cancer as he is my agent and trusted doctor of mine that don't lie. I wish you all sound health as my cannabis oil is the best of it kind which you all already know and are aware off. Please beware of duplicate comment of this as all this spammers / scammers will just edit it and change the name and email. please beware. Rick Simpson tells the world.

    July 14, 2016 at 22:05 | Report abuse | Reply
  10. Adams Bella

    My name is Adams Bella, i live in UK. My life is back!!! After 2 years of Broken marriage, my husband left me with two kids, I felt like ending it all.I came across several testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb,cure cancer,and other sickness, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and also spell to get a good paid job so on. It was very amazing, i also come across one particular testimony, it was about a woman called Renne, she testified about how he brought back her Ex lover in less than 2 days, and at the end of her testimony she dropped his email.After reading all these, I decided to give it a try. In just 48hours, my husband came back to me. We resolved our issues, and we are even happier than ever.Dr.Trust you are a gifted man and i will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man. If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster, Try him anytime, he is the answer to your problems. (Ultimatespellcast @ gmail. com

    July 15, 2016 at 23:53 | Report abuse | Reply
  11. mary jackson

    Contact cyberappshacker@gmail.com they helped me hack my fiancees phone and gmail i could not believe i was been played all along,i feel relieved now that i know the truth and now i can move on with my life, a professional indeed they are , you should contact them if you want to find out the truth and save yourself heart break and pain, you can contact the for any issue regarding hacking

    July 17, 2016 at 16:57 | Report abuse | Reply
  12. Mr Cohen Mark

    Great Day Sir/Madam,

    How are you doing today I hope fine,I am a private lender i will be able to offer you the loan you are applying for,I am an approved and certified lender with years experience in lending Aspect,i give out loan amounts ranging from $1,500.00 – $1,000,000.00 with a fixed interest rate of 3% on an annual basis.I will relish the opportunity of doing business with you and also help to put your financial problems behind you by offering you this loan,You are in the right place and i will want to assure you that you will be glad for knowing a lender like me,If seriously you want to take a loan from me,so kindly and gladly get back with Amount needed,Duration,Phone number and Loan Purpose via: (mrcohenmark12@gmail.com) only,so that we will commence with the processing of your loan to you on time for your urgent purpose.

    Best Regards,
    Mr Cohen Mark.

    July 29, 2016 at 20:16 | Report abuse | Reply
  13. Elizabeth King

    Love spell came out tremendously, I highly recommending email:robinson.buckler @ yahoo. com for whatever problems you are experiencing in your relationship. He is the real deal. his love spell is absolutely wonderful.

    July 31, 2016 at 23:43 | Report abuse | Reply
  14. john harry

    my name is john harry,i love my wife so much i cant do without her,i started suspecting she was cheating on me because of her constant late nights,i was able to hack into her phone and i saw evidence which was provided by onlinemasterhack@gmail.com,you can contact them any time they are willing to asist you.Help me thank them for their great assistance which helped my wife quit her bad behaviour.

    August 3, 2016 at 10:28 | Report abuse | Reply
  15. maryrug677

    The spell caster others have been talking about called Dr.Osubor that

    helped them get back their ex back, is real. I contacted him on

    Wednesday last week after my lover broke up with me because we could

    not bear children and I could not find a good job, As I am speaking

    now, Dr.Osubor brought my lover back to my arms within 2 days. I have

    seen with my own eyes that Dr.Osubor is real; he is real the right

    spell caster everyone need. Kindly contact him for any kind of help

    now I have a good Job and I just tested positive showing that I am

    pregnant. You need to contact Dr.Osubor if you need any spiritual help

    via his private email address: [osuborherbal@gmail.com] you can also

    call or whatsapp him on +2349027212552. his website on
    osuborpowerfullovespell.wordpress.com

    August 9, 2016 at 00:44 | Report abuse | Reply
  16. loya

    If you need to hack into any database, delete record, improve credit score, spy on whatsapp, text, phone, emails, as long as it's hack contact jack @v ia Email :: hackanydatabase@gmail.com //. Whats-App ::+27786114613 he is great, you won't be disappointed, cheap and fast, he saved my relationship Tell him Loya

    August 14, 2016 at 03:00 | Report abuse | Reply
  17. susan

    My sister got drunk in college and exposed part of her body and someone took her nude pictures and has been threatening to release the nude pictures to all social media if she doesn't pay up. My sister was at the verge of committing suicide when i found out about cyberphoneways@gmail.com and i provided them the details they required to put a stop to this threats and in just two days, Cyberphoneways@gmail.com was able to help delete those pictures of my sister. I thank you cyberphoneways@gmail.com . please contact them for your hacking jobs and tell them susan referred you

    August 17, 2016 at 15:21 | Report abuse | Reply
  18. Karen Lola

    Am Karen Lola from Scotland. I was having serious relationship problems with my boyfriend and it had resulted in him moving out to his friend’s apartment. Everything got worse because he started going to bars and strip clubs frequently with his friend, getting drunk and passing out. He always threatens me on phone whenever I call him because of all the bad advises that his friend has given him. I really love him and we had been dating for 8 years which gave us a beautiful daughter. I had also lost a lot of money on therapists until I was introduced to Dr. Trust by a friend whom he helped to marry her childhood boyfriend; this gave me total confidence and strength to get him back. I did all he asked and after 48 hours my boyfriend called me and rushed back home, things just changed between us emotionally. He has a job and stopped drinking and keeping irrelevant friends. It’s a miracle I never believed was possible because I had lost all hope until I found Dr.Trust. So that’s why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe. All thanks goes to Dr.Trust for the excessive work that he has done for me. Below is the email address in situation you are undergoing a heart break, and I assure you that as he has done mine for me, he will definitely help you too. Ultimatespellcast @ gmail. com

    August 28, 2016 at 20:30 | Report abuse | Reply
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24

Post a comment


 

CNN welcomes a lively and courteous discussion as long as you follow the Rules of Conduct set forth in our Terms of Service. Comments are not pre-screened before they post. You agree that anything you post may be used, along with your name and profile picture, in accordance with our Privacy Policy and the license you have granted pursuant to our Terms of Service.

« Previous entry
Advertisement
About this blog

Get a behind-the-scenes look at the latest stories from CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen and the CNN Medical Unit producers. They'll share news and views on health and medical trends - info that will help you take better care of yourself and the people you love.