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Female infidelity: It's different from the guys
April 7th, 2011
08:29 AM ET

Female infidelity: It's different from the guys

Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him at his website, GoodInBed.


In a committed relationship nothing hurts more, or is harder to recover from, than infidelity, and this is even truer when it’s the female partner who’s been doing the cheating.  In recent years I’ve noticed a precipitous rise in the number of men who have been betrayed by adultery, and while there’s an overall consensus among professionals that female infidelity is on the rise, the trend doesn’t garner nearly as much attention as male infidelity  That’s surprising, because female infidelity is often much more damaging to a marriage. Don’t get me wrong: Male cheating is definitely harmful. But when a woman fools around, it’s often the death knell to a couple’s relationship.

It's often said that men cheat for sex, while women cheat for love, the theory being that men can more easily compartmentalize sex and emotion, while women typically need to experience an emotional connection to a person before feeling sexual desire. Without those pesky emotions to stand in the way of a potential mistake, a guy is much more likely to get himself into trouble (especially if alcohol is involved and inhibitions are down) or to get involved with someone for whom he has no feelings.

That’s not to say that men don't cheat  because they're unhappy, in search of an emotional connection or simply bored in their relationship (a topic we’re currently analyzing at Good in Bed), but  many of the men I've encountered who have cheated on their wives often have no desire to leave their primary relationship. Many of them even characterize themselves as happily married with satisfying sex lives.

That’s one of the reasons there's often a better chance that a couple will stay together and try to work things out when it’s the man who’s doing the cheating, rather than the woman. For men, cheating often tends to be opportunistic—they’re in the wrong place at the wrong time and the cheating doesn’t necessarily mean anything emotionally—whereas with women the desire to cheat is often less opportunistic and more deeply felt.  It’s often more a matter of the heart than of the genitals. Sure, some women cheat for the sex, but many also cheat for another chance at love, or to confirm to themselves that their primary relationship is really over. A woman who cheats is often a woman who doesn't want to work it out. She's already invested time trying to work it out, and she's done. It's too late.

While there aren't any hard statistics on female infidelity, most experts agree that it's on the rise, especially among women who have their own careers and a degree of financial independence. A University of Washington study found that people who earned $75,000 or more per year were 1.5 times more likely to have had extramarital sex than those earning less than $30,000. And with so many women in the workplace, it’s no surprise that  among the spouses who cheated, 46 percent of women and 62 percent of men did so with someone they met through work.

Another big factor in the rise in female infidelity is the Internet. Sexual infidelity often starts with emotional infidelity, and digital technologies offer an abundance of opportunity for emotional (and thrilling) connections: The return of an ex, a workplace flirtation, a Facebook friendship that becomes more than "just friends."  Women are extremely susceptible to “emotional infidelity,” which starts as friendship, often with colleagues or seemingly harmless online relationships, and slowly progresses to something more. A gradual blurring of the lines between friendship and deeper intimacy draws even happily partnered people into relationships they never saw coming.

So what are some of the signs that a woman could be cheating or thinking about it?

–         She shows less general interest in her partner's comings and goings

–         She dresses up for work, but seems to care less about whether her partner finds her attractive

–         She has less interest in sex with her partner

–         She's keeping an irregular schedule and spending more time at work

–         She seems happy, except when she's around her partner

–         She shows less tolerance of her partner's friends and family

–         There are unresolved issues in the relationship that have either been ignored or not resolved in a way that's satisfying to her

–         She's in a child-centric marriage that prioritizes parenting and neglects a couple's relationship, with few opportunities for romance and alone time

Guys, think your wife would never cheat? Think again. When men get angry about something, they tend to lash out, but women often self-silence and bottle up their emotions. As Helen E. Fisher, research professor of anthropology at Rutgers University, says, "Men want to think women don't cheat, and women want men to think they don't cheat, and therefore the sexes have been playing a little psychological game with each other."  Maybe this isn’t so much a game as a reflection of the double standard and culture of forgiveness that favors men—“boys will be boys,” as the adage goes—when they cheat. But as we’re learning, cheating is an equal opportunity sport, one that women are just as likely as men to play.


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  1. Ellen Stifler Logan

    This is a fact that i know and every woman that will be reading this also know. We will do anything possible to keep or get the one one we love though we might go about it in different ways but what does it matter how we went about it all that matters, is that we get them. My now husband for two years was not always in love with me me he only saw me as this close friend and personal assistance. He was married to a very beautiful nice woman. I always prayed i would get to have a very happy family like the he had with his ex wife. You could fill the love and passion in the air just as you walk into their home. This ought not be be my story to tell but still i will because he is my husband now. After four years of their beautiful marriage, i say beautiful because they loved each other at least i know my husband loved her then. His ex wife out got really sick he developed stroke. It was really bad but he never left her side he always always there for her. He was always in the hospital with her day and night. I just though he was the bravest and caring man that i have ever know. And yeah, she got well but not all the way i mean she came back but not her love and affection. I don't know maybe it was the sickness that changed her or she never really loved my husband and felt he was the cause of her problem her sickness and all the bad things that had happened to her since they meant. She gave him hell, she got mad at him over every little thing she stopped him form seeing all his friend and female friends and even made him fire me. She was obsessed with things like he was cheating on her and his friends are telling him to leave her. She was diagnosed and was free form psychological break down. I don't know she just developed hatred for my now husband. She constantly threatened to take everything form him his house, constructing firm and even with that he still loved her. He would complain to me all day about what's happening telling me how he wants to fix thing between him and her even when it became really bad that they no longer shared the same bed she would not let him touch her. I thought it was my chance with him but i was fooling myself because yeah i told him how i felt for him and i thrown myself at him but it did not work he still wanted to be with his wife. He live like that with her for one year. I loved him and he was suffering i wanted to set him free from her so i contacted a powerful spell caster Obudun Magonata to help me make him love me. He asked me to get some materials which was hard for me to find because i would have had to break many laws and got my self in trouble so i just wired the expense to him and after four days my wise came true he loved me just as he love his ex wife i was the apple of the eye just like how he was the apple of my eye but Obudun Magonata told me that his ex wife would let let us be and she will frustrate our love until we give up and just as he told me it happened he wanted 70% of everything my husband had and the court was already in her favor plus she was from a very powerful family. That brought another problem he was ready to loss all he had for us but still he did not want to loss them but thanks to Obudun Magonata He helped use with another spell that made her drop the case and just signed the papers to let use be together. I t was mind blowing what Obudun Magonata did for us it not just as you read now it was so supernatural. Even before i had my first child he told me that we will last forever till death because of the two kids i will bear for him. Its also coming to pass i have a 2 years old son and i am pregnant for the second child now.Only those like me who Obudun Magonata have helped knows how powerful he is. Only him can solve the unsolved if you need his help use this email (spiritsofobudunmagonata@ (yahoo). com) rewrite this email in the standard email format to use..

    July 4, 2015 at 21:29 | Report abuse | Reply
  2. Ellen Stifler Logan

    This is a fact that i know and every woman that will be reading this also know. We will do anything possible to keep or get the one one we love though we might go about it in different ways but what does it matter how we went about it all that matters, is that we get them. My now husband for two years was not always in love with me me he only saw me as this close friend and personal assistance. He was married to a very beautiful nice woman. I always prayed i would get to have a very happy family like the he had with his ex wife. You could fill the love and passion in the air just as you walk into their home. This ought not be be my story to tell but still i will because he is my husband now. After four years of their beautiful marriage, i say beautiful because they loved each other at least i know my husband loved her then. His ex wife out got really sick he developed stroke. It was really bad but he never left her side he always always there for her. He was always in the hospital with her day and night. I just though he was the bravest and caring man that i have ever know. And yeah, she got well but not all the way i mean she came back but not her love and affection. I don't know maybe it was the sickness that changed her or she never really loved my husband and felt he was the cause of her problem her sickness and all the bad things that had happened to her since they meant. She gave him hell, she got mad at him over every little thing she stopped him form seeing all his friend and female friends and even made him fire me. She was obsessed with things like he was cheating on her and his friends are telling him to leave her. She was diagnosed and was free form psychological break down. I don't know she just developed hatred for my now husband. She constantly threatened to take everything form him his house, constructing firm and even with that he still loved her. He would complain to me all day about what's happening telling me how he wants to fix thing between him and her even when it became really bad that they no longer shared the same bed she would not let him touch her. I thought it was my chance with him but i was fooling myself because yeah i told him how i felt for him and i thrown myself at him but it did not work he still wanted to be with his wife. He live like that with her for one year. I loved him and he was suffering i wanted to set him free from her so i contacted a powerful spell caster Obudun Magonata to help me make him love me. He asked me to get some materials which was hard for me to find because i would have had to break many laws and got my self in trouble so i just wired the expense to him and after four days my wise came true he loved me just as he love his ex wife i was the apple of the eye just like how he was the apple of my eye but Obudun Magonata told me that his ex wife would let let us be and she will frustrate our love until we give up and just as he told me it happened he wanted 70% of everything my husband had and the court was already in her favor plus she was from a very powerful family. That brought another problem he was ready to loss all he had for us but still he did not want to loss them but thanks to Obudun Magonata He helped use with another spell that made her drop the case and just signed the papers to let use be together. I t was mind blowing what Obudun Magonata did for us it not just as you read now it was so supernatural. Even before i had my first child he told me that we will last forever till death because of the two kids i will bear for him. Its also coming to pass i have a 2 years old son and i am pregnant for the second child now.Only those like me who Obudun Magonata have helped knows how powerful he is. Only him can solve the unsolved if you need his help use this email spiritsofobudunmagonata AT yahoo DOT com rewrite this email in the standard email format to use,

    July 5, 2015 at 07:16 | Report abuse | Reply
  3. Mrs Erick

    My Name is Erick Wilson..I never believed in Love Spells or Magics until I met this special spell caster when i went to Africa to Execute some business..He is really powerful..My wife divorce me with no reason for almost 4 years and i tried all i could to have her back cos i really love her so much but all my effort did not work out.. we met at our early age at the college and we both have feelings for each other and we got married happily for 5 years with no kid and she woke up one morning and she told me she’s going on a divorce..i thought it was a joke and when she came back from work she tender to me a divorce letter and she packed all her loads from my house..i ran mad and i tried all i could to have her back but all did not work out..i was lonely for almost 4 years…So when i told the spell caster what happened he said he will help me and he asked for her full name and her picture..i gave him that..At first i was skeptical but i gave it a try cos h ave tried so many spell casters and there is no solution…so when he finished with the readings,he got back to me that she’s with a man and that man is the reason why she left me…The spell caster said he will help me with a spell that will surely bring her back.but i never believe all this…he told me i will see a positive result within 3 days..3 days later,she called me herself and came to me apologizing and she told me she will come back to me..I cant believe this,it was like a dream cos i never believe this will work out after trying many spell casters and there is no solution..The spell caster is so powerful and after that he helped me with a pregnancy spell and my wife got pregnant a month later..we are now happy been together again and with lovely kid..This spell caster has really changed my life and i will forever thankful to him..he has helped many friends too with similar problem too and they are happy and thankful to him..This man is indeed the most powerful spell caster have ever experienced in life..Am Posting this to the Forum in case there is anyone who has similar problem and still looking for a way out..you can reach him here: ;;;;;;;;;;;;CONTACT THIS POWERFUL SPELL CASTER TODAY VIA jonaslarry666@GMAIL.COM

    July 11, 2015 at 08:20 | Report abuse | Reply
  4. RealTruth

    Most women are the real biggest Cheaters today, and they're the reason why the Divorce Rate is so out of control now. It is just too bad that we Don't have the real Good old fashioned women around again since they were the Best at one time, and Most of them i would say were very Faithful too.

    July 11, 2015 at 12:44 | Report abuse | Reply
  5. Catherina

    I contacted Great zula in regards of getting my lover back. my lover stopped talking to me. He was interested in working out his marriage with another girl, after begging and pleading with him I realized that nothing was working out, he left me. when i came across this spell caster, i read how he helped many people to get their lover back, After discussing the resolution with ZULA, so I asked for a reunite love spell to help me get my lover back and I also asked for a marriage spell so that we could get married too, after the spell was cast i saw result I never expected, I cant say how much I’m grateful i came across this spell caster greatzula@ gmail. com, My lover not only came back to me, but left his other lady and now we are engaged, we are getting married next month, I don’t know what I would have done without Zula, this spell caster does his job so well organized and highly functional, i believe he is the best spell caster i can count on when it comes to love spell, I was floored that both spells worked,

    Catherina.

    July 12, 2015 at 01:11 | Report abuse | Reply
  6. Robert Alonso W

    If you have been reading comment online about this spell caster Obudun Magonata it will be easy for me to tell you this that he couldn’t get any more really that he is already. I have come to a conclusion that the gift he possess and his good heart are the strongest most powerful thing i have ever known. He is the most straight forward person and most understanding anyone can ever meet. He did not even ask for my money he just asked me to get materials that will be needed for the spell and that was it. To start, i am an alcoholic and also have a strong addiction for gambling. I lost almost a 100 grand on internet gambling and still did not stop at the same time i was drinking heavily i got suspended form work for a duration of four years because of my drinking problem & my home, i destroyed it with by myself. I was unfaithful to my wife several times and she knew what was happening, i kept yelling over nothing on my girls. My addiction to gambling and drinking was complimentary i was losing a lot of money and still playing and was drinking a lot to calm my nerves. The addiction made me numb my feelings was gone. My wife , my girls saw me as a monster. I remember this day, my wife told me it as my second girl’s birthday the other week and my responds was “grown *** girls don’t celebrate their birthday and if she wanted to she can as well go get a job so she can use want she earn to celebrate every day of her life”. I still can’t believe i said that to my wife and on top of that her sister was right there. My wife was hurt it was written all over her face her face and she told me ” I don’t even know who you are any more where is the man that use to be the human shield of this family ? that man would never had said anything to hurt me or his kids you don’t even care that you are scaring h*** out of this girls? one more of this and i am out” there i told her i don’t need them they were weighing me down that there were burden on me. Those words still hunts me till this day i can believe i really said all those words. My wife left me and off course with the kids and foolish drunk me happily signed the divorce papers. Honestly i don’t know maybe it because i was drunk most of the the day, i felt go i get gambling and kept drinking losing big and winning little waking up with different ladies on my bed every morning. I was like this for two years, and i felt i was on top of the world but my friend made me see i had nothing anymore his wife won’t let him talk to me or hang out with me i gradually felt empty. At a point i saw i needed to get clean and actually committed to my self to AA off course it was hard to admit but with my friends help i got committed. I was six months clean from alcohol and gambling when i discovered my wife was see another man and they were going to get married. I was still in love with her. She was mad when she saw me, she wanted nothing to do with me, my girls hated me because of me they could not even look at me. I tried to get close and got a restraining order. I needed to be my family again i know i ruined it by myself i just wanted to make it up to them i failed then and i wanted to redeem myself to show them the man that use to be the human shield of his family is back i found him again. Obudun Magonata was the man that help me made it happen. It was the course of find a away to reach my wife i found this great spell caster. I did not have the privilege of meeting but like he told other he had helped, some of them met him in real time. He told me after the spell casting my wife , my child will love me like we never fell apart they would know i messed up but they will not care about it any more. I got the materials that was required of me by i got i mean i asked him to help me sending over to him the total cost because most of the materials where only found in the heart of Libya. Just after the spell process was concluded a package was sent to me i can’t disclose its content but it rest easy it could not even harm a fly. He told me what to do with it and all he said will happen happened. I had my family back my wife , my child and i are once again that happy family i lost. I was still on suspension he told he i will get a call to come back to work and i did just after all he did for me. This spell caster he has something that saves lives. Am glad i met him all he promised me he did i wish i could me more grateful. I will leave his email contact like those other person that did in there comment or article which ever this is spiritsofobudunmagonata ‘ at ‘ ‘ yahoo ‘ ‘ dot ‘ ‘ com ‘…

    July 25, 2015 at 01:02 | Report abuse | Reply
  7. Robert Alonso W

    If you have been reading comment online about this spell caster Obudun Magonata it will be easy for me to tell you this that he couldn’t get any more really that he is already. I have come to a conclusion that the gift he possess and his good heart are the strongest most powerful thing i have ever known. He is the most straight forward person and most understanding anyone can ever meet. He did not even ask for my money he just asked me to get materials that will be needed for the spell and that was it. To start, i am an alcoholic and also have a strong addiction for gambling. I lost almost a 100 grand on internet gambling and still did not stop at the same time i was drinking heavily i got suspended form work for a duration of four years because of my drinking problem & my home, i destroyed it with by myself. I was unfaithful to my wife several times and she knew what was happening, i kept yelling over nothing on my girls. My addiction to gambling and drinking was complimentary i was losing a lot of money and still playing and was drinking a lot to calm my nerves. The addiction made me numb my feelings was gone. My wife , my girls saw me as a monster. I remember this day, my wife told me it as my second girl’s birthday the other week and my responds was “grown *** girls don’t celebrate their birthday and if she wanted to she can as well go get a job so she can use want she earn to celebrate every day of her life”. I still can’t believe i said that to my wife and on top of that her sister was right there. My wife was hurt it was written all over her face her face and she told me ” I don’t even know who you are any more where is the man that use to be the human shield of this family ? that man would never had said anything to hurt me or his kids you don’t even care that you are scaring h*** out of this girls? one more of this and i am out” there i told her i don’t need them they were weighing me down that there were burden on me. Those words still hunts me till this day i can believe i really said all those words. My wife left me and off course with the kids and foolish drunk me happily signed the divorce papers. Honestly i don’t know maybe it because i was drunk most of the the day, i felt go i get gambling and kept drinking losing big and winning little waking up with different ladies on my bed every morning. I was like this for two years, and i felt i was on top of the world but my friend made me see i had nothing anymore his wife won’t let him talk to me or hang out with me i gradually felt empty. At a point i saw i needed to get clean and actually committed to my self to AA off course it was hard to admit but with my friends help i got committed. I was six months clean from alcohol and gambling when i discovered my wife was see another man and they were going to get married. I was still in love with her. She was mad when she saw me, she wanted nothing to do with me, my girls hated me because of me they could not even look at me. I tried to get close and got a restraining order. I needed to be my family again i know i ruined it by myself i just wanted to make it up to them i failed then and i wanted to redeem myself to show them the man that use to be the human shield of his family is back i found him again. Obudun Magonata was the man that help me made it happen. It was the course of find a away to reach my wife i found this great spell caster. I did not have the privilege of meeting but like he told other he had helped, some of them met him in real time. He told me after the spell casting my wife , my child will love me like we never fell apart they would know i messed up but they will not care about it any more. I got the materials that was required of me by i got i mean i asked him to help me sending over to him the total cost because most of the materials where only found in the heart of Libya. Just after the spell process was concluded a package was sent to me i can’t disclose its content but it rest easy it could not even harm a fly. He told me what to do with it and all he said will happen happened. I had my family back my wife , my child and i are once again that happy family i lost. I was still on suspension he told he i will get a call to come back to work and i did just after all he did for me. This spell caster he has something that saves lives. Am glad i met him all he promised me he did i wish i could me more grateful. I will leave his email contact like those other person that did in there comment or article which ever this is spiritsofobudunmagonata ‘ at ‘ ‘ yahoo ‘ ‘ dot ‘ ‘ com ~~~

    July 25, 2015 at 02:36 | Report abuse | Reply
  8. Robert Alonso W

    If you have been reading comment online about this spell caster Obudun Magonata it will be easy for me to tell you this that he couldn’t get any more really that he is already. I have come to a conclusion that the gift he possess and his good heart are the strongest most powerful thing i have ever known. He is the most straight forward person and most understanding anyone can ever meet. He did not even ask for my money he just asked me to get materials that will be needed for the spell and that was it. To start, i am an alcoholic and also have a strong addiction for gambling. I lost almost a 100 grand on internet gambling and still did not stop at the same time i was drinking heavily i got suspended form work for a duration of four years because of my drinking problem & my home, i destroyed it with by myself. I was unfaithful to my wife several times and she knew what was happening, i kept yelling over nothing on my girls. My addiction to gambling and drinking was complimentary i was losing a lot of money and still playing and was drinking a lot to calm my nerves. The addiction made me numb my feelings was gone. My wife , my girls saw me as a monster. I remember this day, my wife told me it as my second girl’s birthday the other week and my responds was “grown *** girls don’t celebrate their birthday and if she wanted to she can as well go get a job so she can use want she earn to celebrate every day of her life”. I still can’t believe i said that to my wife and on top of that her sister was right there. My wife was hurt it was written all over her face her face and she told me ” I don’t even know who you are any more where is the man that use to be the human shield of this family ? that man would never had said anything to hurt me or his kids you don’t even care that you are scaring h*** out of this girls? one more of this and i am out” there i told her i don’t need them they were weighing me down that there were burden on me. Those words still hunts me till this day i can believe i really said all those words. My wife left me and off course with the kids and foolish drunk me happily signed the divorce papers. Honestly i don’t know maybe it because i was drunk most of the the day, i felt go i get gambling and kept drinking losing big and winning little waking up with different ladies on my bed every morning. I was like this for two years, and i felt i was on top of the world but my friend made me see i had nothing anymore his wife won’t let him talk to me or hang out with me i gradually felt empty. At a point i saw i needed to get clean and actually committed to my self to AA off course it was hard to admit but with my friends help i got committed. I was six months clean from alcohol and gambling when i discovered my wife was see another man and they were going to get married. I was still in love with her. She was mad when she saw me, she wanted nothing to do with me, my girls hated me because of me they could not even look at me. I tried to get close and got a restraining order. I needed to be my family again i know i ruined it by myself i just wanted to make it up to them i failed then and i wanted to redeem myself to show them the man that use to be the human shield of his family is back i found him again. Obudun Magonata was the man that help me made it happen. It was the course of find a away to reach my wife i found this great spell caster. I did not have the privilege of meeting but like he told other he had helped, some of them met him in real time. He told me after the spell casting my wife , my child will love me like we never fell apart they would know i messed up but they will not care about it any more. I got the materials that was required of me by i got i mean i asked him to help me sending over to him the total cost because most of the materials where only found in the heart of Libya. Just after the spell process was concluded a package was sent to me i can’t disclose its content but it rest easy it could not even harm a fly. He told me what to do with it and all he said will happen happened. I had my family back my wife , my child and i are once again that happy family i lost. I was still on suspension he told he i will get a call to come back to work and i did just after all he did for me. +This spell caster he has something that saves lives. Am glad i met him all he promised me he did i wish i could me more grateful. I will leave his email contact like those other person that did in there comment or article which ever this is spiritsofobudunmagonata ‘ at ‘ ‘ yahoo ‘ ‘ dot ‘ ‘ com ///

    July 25, 2015 at 04:12 | Report abuse | Reply
  9. BENSON

    I BENSON LUKE FROM SOUTH AFRICAN, AM VERY HAPPY TODAY BECAUSE OF WHAT DR OSHOGUM DONE FOR ME.
    THANKS TO YOU FOR CURING AND SAVING ME FROM AIDS. BEFORE I MELT DR GREAT OSHOGUM I HAVE BEEN TO HOSPITAL FOR CURE OF HIV SINCE DECEMBER 2012 AND THE VARIOUS GROW FROM HIV TO AIDS. I WAS ALMOST DEAD BEFORE I FOUND DR GREAT OSHOGUM ON THIS SITE AS DIRECTED BY A FRIEND WHOM HE HAD HELP BEFORE WITH ANY EFFECT HIDDEN CHARGES(AIDS) AFTER ALSO GETTING MY EX BACK THAT LEFT ME BECAUSE OF MY ILLNESS(AIDS). I AM VERY MUCH REATFULL FOR YOUR HELP SIR.
    YOU CAN CONTACT HIM NOW VIA EMAIL
    ON GREATOSHOGUMSPELLTEMPLE@GMAIL.COM 0R CALL HIM ON +2348189075265

    August 4, 2013 at 14:22 | Report abuse | Reply
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