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 Families haunted by end-of-life decisionsThe burden of making medical decisions for a loved one can cause distress and even post-traumatic stress disorder, according to a report published in the Annals of Internal Medicine. When a patient is physically or mentally unable to make medical choices, his or her fate falls into the hands of others, usually family members or friends. They ultimately choose whether to start dialysis, have a risky surgery or put a person on life support. The prevailing logic is that family members know the patient best and can make the most appropriate medical decisions.
“We’ve been relying on surrogates,” said author David Wendler, who heads the Unit on Vulnerable Populations at the National Institutes of Health’s Department of Bioethics. “We think how else are we going to do this when people can’t do it for themselves? It turns out the number of patients who can’t make decisions are particularly high. Especially in the end of life when 50% of the patients can’t make those decisions.” That leaves the family with heavy responsibilities. In research interviews, family members agonized over the dilemma. This decision haunted them months and even years later. “They feel like they’re being asked to be the agent of the demise of someone they really care about,” Wendler said. “Not surprisingly, that’s really stressful and hard.” One respondent said: “I don’t want to kill. That’s the part that I agonized over a lot.” Family members felt they let their loved ones die by removing life support. Those who left patients on life support felt responsible for prolonging their suffering. “In the paper, people said things like, ‘I wouldn’t wish being a surrogate on my worst enemy,’ and ‘I felt like I was the jury to sentence to death the person I loved most in the world.’ You read that, you can see how traumatic it was for them,” Wendler said. After examining 40 studies, Wendler estimated that the about a third experienced substantial distress, another third felt moderate distress and less than 10% had a positive experience. Because the various studies used different measures, it’s hard to give precise estimates, he said. The people who did not feel scarred by the experience, usually expressed confidence that they knew what the patient would’ve wanted. One respondent reported: “Thank God Mom and Dad had a living will made. I’m glad I was not the person who had to make that decision.” Another said, “That’s why I basically have no regrets. I was carrying out her wishes.” Without prior conversations or an advance directive, families may have a false confidence. A different study found that surrogates correctly predicted the patient’s preferences in only two-thirds of the cases. Having an advance directive that specified the patient's treatment preferences significantly reduced family stress, the report found.
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So very true!! I was only 29 and my mother was only 54. She had had a cerebreal aneurism bleed and went into a coma. Her doctor told me that I had to take her off Life support. That he didn't believe she would come back. And the insurance would not continue to pay for any treatment if I didn't follow his advice. I am an only child and my father is gone. I never felt so torn up in my life. I did not want to be the person to actually authorize my mother's death. It is a decision that has eaten away at me for years. And it is the primary reason I have a living will and have designated a friend (not a relative) as my POA.
I'm 42 and I not only have a living will, I carry a copy in my wallet at all times. There's a sticker on the back of my driver's license telling people where in my wallet to find it. I've added handwritten notations, with initials and dates. I also have designated two people, my partner and a backup, to make decisions for me.
God bless you, Steph, for having the courage to make the right decision for your mom, especially she was the only parent you had left. My mom also was taken off the respirator after she suffered a stroke and did not recover. Please don't ever second guess yourself and may you always have peace in your heart and your mind.
You weren't responsible in any way for her death, not even by "authorizing" it. Her body was already dying, you just consented to let nature take its course rather than prolong it by artificial means. I can only imagine how difficult it must have been to lose both parents while still so young. I'm sure you would understand if your children were faced with making the same decision for you, and that you would want them to continue with only fond memories in their hearts, not an undue burden of guilt over what was the only real choice.
Yes, I echo that. I was 26 when the doctors gathered us together to ask us if we wanted to try to keep my father alive or let him go. My mother and brothers all looked at me (the eldest) to make the decision. It was agonizing. I have had nightmares about it for the 25 years since then, and episodes of depression. Even with therapy, it is still one of the most painful things I have had to do, fraught with doubt. I wish a clear cut death on people, with no lingering or decisions to make for their loved ones.
This is exactly why, even at 27, I have told my husband exactly what I want should something like this happen to me. And he has done the same. I learned from first hand experience when my father fell ill and died suddenly. My mother had no idea what he wanted for his memorial and she was too much of a wreck to even make a cohesive decision. It fell to me, the eldest child, to plan my father's memorial and his funeral. He was the most special person in my life and I am still shaken and was basically destroyed for years afterward. Thankfully I did not have to make the life support decision. I can't even imagine.
Advice:
Don't ignore it. My parents never discussed what they wanted done should something terrible happen and when the time came, my mother was unable to make any decisions. Discuss this with your partner NOW. So heaven forbid something happens, your loved ones know exactly what to do and they will have no doubts they are doing the right thing. We all owe it to our loved ones to not leave them holding the bag and the guilt/depression when something happens.
I've made it clear to my family that I don't want my life extended if I'm a near-vegetable or in constant suffering if it costs my estate money – let my inheritors invest it wisely or blow it on things I'd never spend it on: at least they're having fun.
Also, I agree with the Klingons in Star Trek who have no regard for the dead body because "It is nothing more than an empty shell." So they can cremate me or grind me up into Soylent Green, just don't waste valuable land space on a grave on my remains.
Wow! My thoughts exactly! I want my family to remember me after I'm dead, but whenever I drive by a large cemetery, I just can't help thinking about all that nice land being wasted on graves that no one visits or thinks of after a generation.
i have made it clear to my family what i want and i have a living will and all my attorny says i need in this state. i felt that leaving it up to my family would be too much so i named my best friend to see that my wishes are fulfilled and i agree with The-Mick in not taking up land to bury me just cremate me and save the space!
Even a living will is not enough. Spell out the specifics in detail or your wishes can be ignored by a doctor who refuses to acknowledge that you're "terminally ill."
You make a good point. In creating a authoritative living will, one needs to be absolutely specific and spell out desires for contingencies.
Ben
http://www.LongevityDrugstore.com
My grandmother planned her funeral the day her husband died of a heart attack. He was 58. She wrote everything down on a piece of paper and taped it to the wall in her kitchen so everybody could see it. When she fell and broke her wrist she moved in with my mother. The paper went with her. Taped to the wall in my mother's kitchen. Grandma died of a massive stroke. Every wish was carried out except for the preacher. The preacher she wanted had the flu and was unable to attend. Everything else went like clockwork. Don't delay. Get everything in writing. Give it to every member of the family and close friends. It will save you and yours a great deal of trauma.
Been there, done that. I'm 56, it's all in writing. The kids have been "talked" to. My directions are clear. It's very easy to do. I'm in no hurry, I hope for another 56; but if I kick tomorrow, so be it. This also includes all the "what if" scenarios, too–like incapacitating strokes, organ failure, etc.,–(at least all I can think of, but I think enough of those bases have been covered, that if something really odd would happen, they would know what to do.) The best thing? I've done the hardest thing anyone can do–plan my death and post-death wishes. It's all cake from here on out. I need not worry one iota about putting anything on the family. I'm taken care of and so are all of the decisions. Don't hesitate! It's a very enlightening experience.
My mom died when I was 36. (my dad died when we were small), and in her family, no one really talked about their last wishes. I don't know if its a cultural thing–my parents are irish, and no one really wanted to talk about a will, funeral plot or anything- thinking it brought bad luck. When my dad died, and my mother was left with 4 small kids, she became a realist. She went out and got a will, and figured out who to leave us with if she passed away. Her health wasn't the best, and it declined as we grew up. After my youngest brother finished college, she went out and got a healthcare proxy, living will, and estate plan. She talked to us about her final wishes, and what she wanted us to do. . My brothers were uncomfortable, and one wanted no part of it, but I listened, and ended up taking care of her for the last few years of her life. I will be forever grateful to her for being VERY clear on what her last wishes were. I was her healthcare proxy, and during the last year or so of her life, whenever she talked about dying, I would ask her to reiterate what she wanted...just to make sure nothing changed. She died in the hospital. When her doctor told me she didn't have much time left, and to get my brother on a plane home, I told my aunts and uncles. They were in complete denial, and if it wasn't for my mom explicitly telling me what she wanted, and her doctor being so supportive, and running out of the OR to have a family meeting with us,so my aunts and uncles could hear and understand what he told me, I would have had a breakdown and suffered from PTSD for the rest of my life. It's tough enough losing a loved one, but having to second-guess a decision is terrible. Our family was incredibly lucky–my mom had a wonderful doctor who went out of his way to help us deal with my mother's impending death, and I will be forever grateful to my mom for telling us what she wanted.
All i can say is figure out what you want, and let your family know. Even if they laugh it off, insist on talking about it. Trust me, you'll save your surviving family thousands in therapy bills!
When my husband and I were in our 30s he had cancer and ended up in the hospital with an antibiotic resistant infection. The infection was causing his organs to shut down and he was at the point of no recovery (among other things kidney shut down, causing fluid retention, causing cranial pressure & bleeds). I made the decision to stop the life support. We had discussed this possibility many times during the 2 years he was in treatment and I knew what he wanted. Those discussions and the last words he ever said to me "I love you and I trust you" gave me the strength to what needed to be done. I've made sure that my family and friends know how I stand on this and hope they can carry out my wishes.
Thank you. This is the only time I have seen all the comments make sense on a CNN article. Thank you for your bravery and your honesty. I am going to finalize my living will and medical instructions this week!
I agree. Thank you for your response as well
Thank you commenters for sharing your personal experience. Your comments have been insightful and very thought-provoking.
twice I have had to make the end of life decision. once with my 90 year old dad with Kidney failure and once with my 65 year old sister with previously undiagnosed lupus. they both had living wills and health care directive. but even the detailed health care directive and extensive conversations with both of them didn't prepare me for this. Health care directives look good on paper but when it's actually happening to you there are so many shades of GRAY. With my Dad, thank goodness I had my family with me. even though i had POA, I still made it a family decision. and even though I knew it was the right thing to do, I still felt like I was killing him. with my sister, it was so much harder. the doctors were wonderful though, giving me all the options, and even letting me put my cell phone on speaker so my family could hear. but still I still have episodes of depression related to my sister end of life. I don't wish this on anyone, no matter how well you think you are prepared and no matter how well done the health care directive is.
I have told my family clearly....When the body is no longer a comfortable home for my soul, let me go. At that point, when all that made me a person is gone, the body is no more meaningful than a prom dress or my wedding dress, and whatever is the least expensive means of disposal, which I assume will be cremation, should be followed...although if they want to go to Hawaii and sprinkle the ashes there, while having a wonderful party and knowing how much I love the Kona coast, they should go for it. Do not bury me in an expensive casket, do not bring me plastic flowers...because that shell is no longer a home to who I was. General and durable power of attorney, estate plan, and living will are all complete. Mourn, and miss me...mourn when you hear my favorite song, or if I am not there when my grandchildren cross milestones in their lives..find me in the quiet of the woods that I loved...and then go out and live what is left of each of your lives to the fullest, filling your lives with laughter, love, and caring. I love life and want to embrace it to the fullest, honor me by living out your lives with that philosophy.
Kris, You said it best! You made my day. Thanks so much for your words.
Kris,
Your words touched my heart. When I read your beautiful words, "When the body is no longer a comfortable home for my soul, let me go." I immediately knew this is what I want also, and I can't think of a better way to put it.
Thank you so much for sharing this...
The comments people have left here are as good as the article and my heart goes out to you all.
Though I've never had to make the life and death decision for one of my own loved ones, part of my job has been to counsel in the hospital setting with those who do. It inspired me to bring up the topic with my own family , we all now have the necessary advance directives or at least know each others feelings about what they would want done in the event of their incapacity.
Cultural, religious, personal and financial issues all may come into play, it's important for us all to understand that making advance directives is a very loving thing to do for those we care about.
Just to throw out another idea that has often crossed my mind as I sat with agonized family members – maybe there are sometimes when this decision shouldn't be made by family. Maybe there are times when, in the absence of advance directives, the decision should be made on the basis of the patients condition. Those of us healthcare professionals who encounter these situations aren't happy about the idea of being the ones to make these decision for patients and families, but maybe in some cases it's better we be the bad guys, or bear the weight instead of putting already distraught families through this additional trauma.
God give us all strength and wisdom in dealing with these things.
Sometimes, in depth and uncomfortable discussions are necessary. We lost my dad to cancer in August and his advanced directive said no extraordinary means should be used to keep him alive. He had also reached a point when he was asking his doctors to just end things. I interpreted this to mean no more antibiotics, etc. Fortunately, he was alert enough for me to ask if this was what he truly wanted – and it turned out that he did not see antibiotics, IV feeding, etc. as something that he did not want. Several conversations over the course of a few weeks (the last with his physician present) indicated that so long as he could still find enjoyjment in life (a visit with a family member or friend that made him smile) he wanted to keep living – and he wanted all but paliative care to end, only when he no longer found enjoyment in life. Fortunately for the family, he passed within 24 hours of that point in his life. Had we not had those conversations, we may have made wrong decisions during the last 10 weeks of his life. I encourage all people to have these difficult (and detailed) conversations with their loved ones – I am glad that I had this with my father – it allows me to have no regrets over the end of life decisions that we made (also allowed us to really let the doctor know what he desired). I atteneded an appointment with his doctor a month before we lost him, and his doctor put orders in his file (he was in a nursing home at this time) that kept him out of the hospital, but also kept him comfortable, the last 5 weeks of his life.
My mother passed last week after a 4 year battle with multiple myeloma. Although there was much we could have done to prolong her life, she said she wanted nothing more done, and wanted nature to take its course So last Monday we were talking about my son's basketball game via cell and then just two nights later she suddenly slipped away. There was no fear in her voice, just love for her family, in that last phone call. She was only 71, but I'm so glad I have the memories of her alive instead of seeing her suffer just to stay alive a bit more in pain. She will serve once again serve as my inspiration as I plan how to make things easier for my kids. Thank you Mom, I love and miss you....
My dad just turned 70, and has made his end-of-life desires abundantly clear to me (plus he's had a living will for many years). When it's my dad's time to go, I'm not going to let doctors waste hundreds of thousands of dollars on heroic life-saving procedures that they know have little chance of working, and at best might buy my dad a few weeks of a sub-standard existence. My dad wants to die with dignity... quietly, and hopefully with no pain. I will be able to honor my father's wishes without questioning whether or not I made the right decision, because I would want the same wishes honored for me.
My Mom was 82 years of age and had advanced Parkinson's Disease and Alzheimer's Disease. As the sole surviving son, I had the durable power of attorney to handle her business affairs, the medical power of attorney, and the living will. For the last year of her life, Mom was residing in a Memory Care Center. However, in order to keep her their, I had to hire independent sitters to stay with her 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Mom did not even remember or say my name or my wife's name. She did not remember her grandchildren any older then 14, 10, 6. Even though they are all grown and have families of their own. After one depressing visit, I put a DNR (do not resuscitate order) in on Mom. It was a hard thing to do but I did not want her to be in pain, more confused and on a ventilator. Six months after placing the DNR, I was called from the nursing home that Mom was having chest pains and was enroute to the hospital via ambulance. By the time I got to the hospital, she was dead. I never had a chance to say good bye. My wife and I had visited her the day before and she was remarkably alert – -the best in months. My brain tells me I did the right thing; but, my heart tells me I did the wrong thing. It has been six months since Mom's death; but, I still question if I did the right think and if I could have and should have done more for Mom. I will have to live with my decision forever. My only comment is that you do the best you can and make the best decisions that you can. EAch case is different and the person with the responsibility has to make the call as they see and feel it. No one should be allowed to second guess someone who is struggling with a life or death decision.
I join the chorus, this was a really hard thing to do. After my mother passed, my wife and I made living wills and discussed DNR wishes. This is an end of life talk all families should have. We all pass on, we should feel more comfortable with discussing our passing with loved ones. We are too afraid of the discussion of death in this society. I never want to get that call again.
I know an old marine who was a world war 2 vet. When he went into cardiac arrest some paramedics brought him back and he cussed em out for it. Said he didn't see the point in resuscitating an 8- year old man and that he just wanted to take whatever was coming. Makes sense if you think about it, what is the use of prolonging your life if you have outlived all your loved ones and are to old to do the things you enjoy. Though I can also see the difficulty in your loved ones having to make that choice.
My mom did not have anything written down. We had discussed end of life but I never got an answer. She got very ill, had a stroke and her heart stopped, they brought her back but she died shortly after. The doctors never told us how ill she was for 2 weeks.
My question is, why did they never ask us?
Do the doctors make the descion if nothing is written down?
If the patient has NOT made their wishes known to their family or their doctor, the doctor will resuscitate the patient regardless the age. That is why EVERYONE must make their wishes known to everyone in their lives.....otherwise the resuscitation will proceed full blast and thousands and thousands of dollars will be wasted trying to revive patients whose lives have come to a natural conclusion. We are sooooo afraid of accepting the circle of life........
My brother was 21. His son was born the day before his horrible accident. His wife was still in the hospital with the baby. I was the next of kin. His last words, according to the paramedic, were, "Dear God Please, I don't want to die right now." i saw him at the hospital and waited for the doctor to come to me. He told me my brother had no brain activity and said I should disconnect life support. Just the day before he was so happy and full of life. My mother was driving in from another state and I was trying to reach my father in another country. I was only 22 years old and I was overwhelmed. Cells phones didn't exist at that time. The doctor asked me how I wanted my mother to see her son......connected to all of those machines or peaceful in a bed. I have NEVER felt such anguish, grief and guilt. I allowed them to disconnect life support. When they dropped his cold wedding band into my hand, I slid down the wall and sobbed. I was just a baby having to make one of the hardest decisions ever faced. I shared my entire life with my brother. I was clinically depressed for over 5 years after his death. I adopted his son when he was 16 and I am reminded of my decision everyday when I see my brother in my son. I wonder what kind of man he would have been, how different would my son be if he had his father in his life, does my brother hate me for the decision I made, did I do the right thing. I'm 54 years old now and it hasn't gotten any easier.
It is always a hard decision to take someone u love off of life support. My father suffered from stage 4 rectal cancer and was undergoing treatment. He wrote up a DNR when he went into the hopital for sugery. We spoke about what he wanted in detail-this decsion had to finally be made several months later when he went into septic shock-at 3:00 in the morning my mom had me talk to the doctor and the doctor told me the situation. My mother asked me' what did your dad want??" I told her that dad would not want to live like this-Basically I had to make the final decision. Do i regret this decsion-I have to say No-I knew it was what my dad wanted. Am I hurt? Yes, I am-I miss him and at times remember I made this decision. I do not feel confidence in my decision–I feel like I did what my dad wanted but I will always think about it forver! It will be a year 03/05 since my dad passed and a year later I miss him and sometimes think about the decision I did make.
I did not mention my dad was a month away from turning 60 years old....
my brother was in car wreak when he was 21and I was 24 was told by dr I would have to make the desion to take him off life support if was brain dead my mom and dad was there but was not in able to make the desion thank God he was not brain dead my brother was into drugs in pain all the time from car wreak at 42 he od and was put on life support this time was brain dead and was taking off life support after 20 days I was with him when he die he also had a5 year girl [see my brother in her she is the best part of him I made my desion out of love and so did you it was not easy was very hard my brother was dead before he was taken off and so was Scott please stop second guessing the hard desion you had made you love your brother and you are there for his son you have the best part of him with you you are a good person that made a desion out of love and you got to teach his son about him you are blessed to be there for his son
People don't know what's best for themselves or what lies ahead in the lived life's future. Basically we must do our best to live and let live. In the honest attempt of surviving and rescuing life, God helps us.
We had to make this decision for my mother one month ago today. She was 58 with severe pneumonia and complications that could not be overcome. She had been on life support for a month before we disconnected it.. I have had nightmares ever since. Just last night, I finally had a happy dream with her talking to me. In this dream, I hugged her and asked her if we did the right thing letting her go but I didn't get an answer. Did we?
Sue, sorry for the recent loss of your mother. I would say for the next YEAR: do not torture yourself with thoughts of IF you did the right thing or not. You are in mourning. You have had the most devastating loss that one can have, besides a child. Your mom was on life support for a Month: that is a good long time. If the doctors felt she was making no move toward any recovery, you guys gave Mom a good long time to try to spring back. Here is a little exercise to do for yourself: how would you want your family to decide if that had been you in the bed? Would you want them to be heartsick over their decision? your answer is probably: No, let me go.
I PRAY that you do not TORTURE yourself so much in the coming days. I do NOT believe for one SECOND, that the result of ending anyones life via way of pulling the plug is OUR DECISION. God decides. Again, I am so sorry for your loss. Mom's are a hard one as they are Our Rock and Anchor to this world.
My condolences on the loss of your mother. Please don't feel guilty, which is reason you had this anxiety produced dream. If your mother came to you in your dream appearing happy, not suffering, and reaching for a hug, you did the right thing.
Having these types of discussions while people are at a family event, alive and well...may be a wee bit "awkward" or "uncomfortable" and utimately result in way less stress when the "end-of-life" events occur. Live with Intention, DrBillToth.com/blog
All thru my growing up years, I remember BOTH of my parents saying they dont want hooked up to no damn machine. At 21– me , my 8 siblings and mom had to decide to "pull the plug" on dad, whom we were told had no brain activity for probably the last week. I was amazed that so many siblings said they NEVER heard dad say he didnt want a machine. Then after it was all said and done, MOM told me she didnt remember dad saying that.... gulp ! Dad died w/in a few minutes of being unplugged, so I knew it had been the right decision.
It can be a brutal decision to make but in all actuality: we dont make the life and death decision. Once the machine gets turned off, GOD/ the powers that BE makes that decision. And truly, how many of us want to stay alive that way?
I, for one, do NOT. My kids know how many days they can keep me hooked up, when to pull the plug, and to cremate me. The worst thing for me would be my kids to go BROKE trying to keep a dead body breathing.
This is an outstanding thread of touching, thoughtful and heart rendering stories. As one of the co-authors of the recent Report to Congress your sharings underscore its theme of how incredibly important it is for us to educate all America about this issue. The trauma suffered by many of you as were forced to make what you understandably viewed as life and death decisions is a sad commentary on our over reliance on technology in health care. My thanks for your touching reflections and my sincere hope that CNN realizes what an important contribution these types of articles and dialogue do to elevate this critical public conversation.
When my dad died I was his health care surrogate and when he was admitted to the hospital for mini-strokes he was advised to have procedure that would clear out the arteries. I asked what were his chances of stroking or even dying during the procedure and the doc said 80%. My dad said no and I backed him on it. He died a week later after a massive stroke. I did not regret the decision because it was his!. When my daughter was not responding to treatment for pneumonia I made the decision to make her a DNR– it was a difficult decision. She did live for another 5 yrs and now 14 yrs after her passing I still feel as though I made the right decision.
My dad died 20 years ago and I still regret not doing what his living will said he wanted. He had a surgical lung biopsy and was diagnosed with lung cancer. Before he could recover from the surgery he contracted an antibiotic-resistant infection at the hospital and lived out the last 4 months of his life there and in a care center. When the doctors talked to us 3 days after the surgery they wanted permission to put in a feeding tube. He was on the ventilater already. He hadn't wanted extraordinary measures and no machines if he had no chance of recovery. Since it was early on and we had no way of knowing how bad it would get, my mom and I told them to go ahead. I saw him the morning after the surgery and he was smiling and had a twinkle in his eye. They were getting ready to move him to an ICU. Mom and I went to the cafeteria for a bite of breakfast while the move was taking place and I never again saw him awake. When we got to the ICU he was being combative, trying to pull the tubes out and get out of bed. I stayed on as long as I was able but I lived in another state and could not take more time off from work. I asked his brother and sister-in-law to stay with my mom as she was totally unable to handle what was happening, and I went back home. It was an awful time and throughout it I felt guilty that I had not done something so he didn't have to live on machines, but the doctors kept saying they thought he was recovering from the infection. I was called by his doctors after I'd been home a week and was told they had been changing his arterial line and while doing that his lung collapsed onto his heart and stopped it...they had brought him back and thought there was no brain damage. How I wished we had requested a DNR for him. He died two months later and I wasn't there. I let him down and he had had to live 5 months on a ventilator, in a hospital bed, and sick the whole time. My sister-in-law called me the very day he died and asked me to call the doctors, she said dad was much worse and seemed to be dying. I called the doctor and asked him the prognosis, he said: "It's awful." in just those words. He died that night. I'll always believe he was waiting until I acepted his death to go. For 20 years I have carried the pain of not doing the right thing by dad. No one gives a course in what to do when the time comes...especially when my mom was in complete denial and kept begging him not to leave her alone. I have a living will and pray my children will follow my wishes. I keep thinking "what goes around comes around" and that I may be in the same place and have the same things happen to me.
Don't Forget National Healthcare Decisions Day on Friday, April 16, 2010. On this day, all across the country, health care facilities, health care professionals, chaplains, the legal community, and others will be participating in a collective effort to highlight the importance of making advance healthcare decisions and to provide tools for making these decisions. Check out NHDD.org
my fathers end of life illness is dementia that is in a final stage, and final stage kidney failure. My mother and sister are so worn down from being homecaregivers and have chosen to prolong his life with a portable dialysis. After reading your post I don't feel the guilt, for wanting nature to take it's course with my dad,and seeing my mother and sister resume living again. He was a strong man that desired we moveforth in life. Thankyou getting it in writing is so important.
вельмі цікава, дзякуй
My mother's body passed away 2 weeks ago this night after being removed from life support. She was gone several hours before. Her death was sudden and traumatic for all in the family. We knew her wishes well and had no hesitation. I am relieved that we were able to be there for her and follow through with her wishes even though I am heartbroken at our loss. She was only 53...