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Does a clean kitchen lead to more sex? The art of 'chore-play'
November 4th, 2010
03:59 PM ET

Does a clean kitchen lead to more sex? The art of 'chore-play'

Want to get lucky tonight, Guys? Then perhaps you should reach for a bottle of Windex before you reach for her body. No, I’m not suggesting anything kinky. In fact, the concept of “choreplay”—that women are more likely to want to have sex when their male partner helps out around the house—is a hot topic in research circles:

  • One recent study from the University of Western Ontario, for example, found that wives are happier when their husbands pitch in with housework.
  • Another report from researchers at the University of Illinois at Chicago even suggests men who help clean, take care of their kids, and do other domestic chores may see the benefits of their labor pay off in the bedroom.

Our experts at Good in Bed agree: “When we first started talking about the sex–chore connection, my husband was offended,” admits Heidi Raykeil. “To him, it felt a little as if I was withholding sex unless he was a 'good boy' and did his chores. But if I’m in the mood and the kitchen’s a mess—Errrt! Mental brake screech. My head is suddenly filled with dirty dishes and duties, instead of sex. For me, choreplay just helps a potentially hot situation stay that way.”

The “mental brake screech” Heidi describes is actually backed by science: Researchers in the Netherlands found that “the key to female arousal seems to be deep relaxation and a lack of anxiety.” In a study in which the brains of men and women were scanned during the process of sexual response using a technique called positron emission tomography (PET), the results showed that the parts of the female brain responsible for processing fear, anxiety and emotion reduce during sexual activity.

Men showed far less change in these areas of the brain. Says Dr. Gert Holstege,  “What this means is that deactivation, letting go of all fear and anxiety, might be the most important thing, even necessary, to have an orgasm.” So what’s the lesson? If you want to turn a woman on, the key is to help her turn off—turn off her brain, that is—and that means helping her not worry: like about all the chores that still need to be done.

Of course, it’s tough for a woman to chill out when she comes home from one job, only to be burdened by a “second shift” of cleaning, cooking, and chaos. In that scenario, sex is just one more task on her to-do list. The goal of choreplay: to move sex to the top of that list by helping her cross off some of the less scintillating items.

Men aren’t mind readers, but most of us are aware enough to notice when the sink is full of dirty dishes or the garbage is overflowing. Once guys start carrying our weight around the house, we’re apt to find that women have more energy in the bedroom. There’s no motivation like sex! And for all of you guys out there who are already doing your share of the housework, more power to you.

But choreplay isn’t just about chores, says Debby Herbenick, a research scientist at Indiana University and sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute. “It’s very important not to get into a ‘bartering’ system or even to see it as a man ‘helping his wife’ with chores,” she warns. “Household chores and parenting are shared responsibilities that researchers have generally found women spend more time on than men. When couples have a more equal partnership, they do tend to have  more satisfying sex lives.”

In my own life, I've noticed that when I take the time to really play with my kids, my wife finds me sexier—and my chances of sex improve. Of course, playing with my kids isn’t a chore, but it's interesting how all the stuff outside the bedroom can make or break what happens inside.

Says Good in Bed expert, Kristen Mark, “ One of the reasons many women get turned on by these out-of-bedroom acts is because they demonstrate caring in a different way. If it becomes clear that the act is being done as a means to get sex, it can become a turn OFF. So, do these things as a way to help out, not as a way to get sex....and sex just might end up being a bonus!”

That said, time to go clean up my house and play with the kids.

Ian Kerner is a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author. Read more from him at his website,GoodInBed.


soundoff (458 Responses)
  1. Tommy L

    A) Never get married. There is NOTHING in it for a man to get married, and I learned that lesson 4 times over.

    B) Stay single, and hire a house keeper who cooks. That way the chores are done and you get to date and move on when the "mental brakes" hit.

    C) If you are already married, the person who makes more money at work, does not do chores at home. So if your wife makes 60k, and you make 85k she better cook and clean.

    D) Being a mom, is not a job. A job is something you get paid for.

    November 4, 2010 at 21:17 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Lea

      C and D definitely explain A...

      November 4, 2010 at 21:24 | Report abuse |
    • alotsmarterthanyou

      Not taking advice from someone who got married 4 times – that is simply crazy.......

      November 4, 2010 at 22:32 | Report abuse |
    • Tommy L

      I was married from 18 to 19.... from 20-22.... from 24 to 26.... and from 27-30. I'm 44 now and life is MUCH better as a single man. The house keeper cooks and take care of everything for me, and I have a GF but we don't live together. So what's the incentive to get married?

      November 4, 2010 at 23:10 | Report abuse |
  2. John3:16

    Believe it or not, many if not most of the marriage problems people have been having for a long long time is because of our own lust built-into us as a result of premarital sex. Because of that, marriages don't last long. We don't really know much about the original meaning of marriage and how it should have come about. It IS the primary factor for a healthy life; physically, mentally and most important Spiritually. The fact that you, Lea, and many others don't want to understand Dan's comments is quite obvious. We are all sinners with only one hope available to us.

    November 4, 2010 at 21:20 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Lea

      I'm an anthro major, I've taken entire classes on the 'original meaning' of marriage.

      November 4, 2010 at 21:26 | Report abuse |
  3. oops

    Obviously, they never met my Ex.....she found other guys sexier as I played with the kids and did household chores

    November 4, 2010 at 21:26 | Report abuse | Reply
    • John

      I feel your pain, brother.
      While I was taking care of my child, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, cleaning bathrooms, doing laundry and running the household fiances, my wife was having an affair, WITH HER EX HUSBAND.
      Maybe, if I'm STUPID enough to ever get married again, I'll sit around the house, drink beer, smoke pot, ignore the kids, and watch tv. Maybe then I'll get laid.

      November 4, 2010 at 21:42 | Report abuse |
  4. Mickety

    I am one of the guys that did all of the "required" stuff, well more than most...and my wife still strayed. If I ever do it again, I ain't doin didley and I am gonna slap her around from day one...how many abused wives have ever screwed around on their husbands?? I am sure the percentage is lower than the guys that do housework and raise the kids. Think about it.

    November 4, 2010 at 21:27 | Report abuse | Reply
  5. yamajesty

    I tell the ol lady that I'd help her around the house if I had b@@b!es. Then I tell her to go suck start my harley.

    November 4, 2010 at 21:28 | Report abuse | Reply
  6. Lambertis

    It's a known fact that if you treat a woman like a whore she'll love you more. Try it, man! Find that most beautiful girl, just tell her she's got a pimple on her face, that creates an insecurity in her and she thinks you're not intimidated by her beauty, and finds you different from other men and will try to re-arrange her look to suit you. Is it more sex with your wife that you want? Treat like she's not special at all, and you'll get more of it.

    November 4, 2010 at 21:32 | Report abuse | Reply
    • peaceandlove

      That is the most ridiculous thing I have heard. It may be a common myth among you "men," but women will not give you sex unless she feels emotionally connected to you. That ain't gonna happen with you making her feel like crap.

      November 4, 2010 at 22:30 | Report abuse |
  7. Jane Lam

    I give my husband anal every time he vacuums. He can teabag me when he does the dishes, but I never let him do my laundry because he might small my boyfriends body on it.

    November 4, 2010 at 21:33 | Report abuse | Reply
  8. mmmmmmmm

    I let the ol lady know I'm going for a ride on my harley and that when I get back I want my bike cleaned and polished and I want a spit shine. You boys need to grow a set. Doing housework so that you get laid = wuss.

    November 4, 2010 at 21:37 | Report abuse | Reply
  9. Rocket Scientist

    Men use love to get sex. Women use sex to get love.

    November 4, 2010 at 21:38 | Report abuse | Reply
  10. silverstream055

    My deal with my wife is simple. I do the cooking and cleaning and shopping and laundry for the family (the two of us, and our five kids). All of that takes me about 20 hours a week. I also work a full-time job (40-50 hours more a week). Meanwhile, my wife does whatever I want in the bedroom. The result is that I get fantastic sex whenever I want it. My wife (who does not have a job) simply takes care of our kids and makes me happy in the bedroom - otherwise she has few responsibilities. We are both wildly happy. Works for us. Your mileage may vary....

    November 4, 2010 at 21:49 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Really?

      Your wife "simply" takes care of five kids??? Thank God she has few other responsibilities. You must be kidding.

      November 5, 2010 at 00:07 | Report abuse |
  11. Doug in SAT

    This is crap. I do dishes, not all the time as I work outside the house. I also mow the yard, clean the garage and help get the kids ready for school in the morning. I also make their breakfast before I get ready for work. I'm lucky if I get sex once a week! My wife says too much sex is bad for you. I think too little is bad. I have not idea what more I can do.

    November 4, 2010 at 21:49 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Diane

      @Doug in SAT- your wife says too much sex is bad for you. A myth. How self-centered. You should meet each other in the middle she gives you a little more and you settle for a little less than you want. I don't think sex should be your main theme in your life, have read men think about it at least 5 times a day. Maybe picking up a hobby could help fill the void.Nice photo on this blog, both of them seem to be enjoying themselves @ the sink, sort of romantic. Wishing you both well for improvements.

      November 5, 2010 at 00:37 | Report abuse |
    • To Doug

      Doug. What you need to do is take control of your household. You work, does your wife? Tell your wife that things are going to change, and mean it. Open a bank account and switch over all the bills to that account and close the account she has access to. When she wants money for something she will have to ask you, just like an allowance.

      Believe me your s*x life will pick up in no time.

      @Dianne Please shut the hell up. Sex is not the most important thing UNLESS YOU AREN'T GETTING ANY. The only hobby that should fill the time in place of sex, is having an affair.

      November 5, 2010 at 02:43 | Report abuse |
  12. jim

    i do all the laundry, sex 3-4 times a week

    November 4, 2010 at 21:53 | Report abuse | Reply
  13. Jeff

    Did I just read a story from 1955?

    November 4, 2010 at 21:57 | Report abuse | Reply
  14. bitesizetherapy

    "CNN welcomes lively and courteous discussion..." Seriously? These comments qualify? I know CNN is having a little trouble with viewership these days, but geez, get an intern to moderate the forums.

    November 4, 2010 at 21:58 | Report abuse | Reply
  15. Chris

    What a load of crap. This IS withholding sex. Anyone who does this should be SHOT! This kills marriages.

    November 4, 2010 at 22:21 | Report abuse | Reply
    • ELD

      I dunno...to me "witholding" means that she wants sex but refuses it in order to punish her partner. What do you call it when she's just not interested in sex because she's too tired and stressed from working full time and doing all or most of the housework and child care, or when she finds her husband repuslive because he's a lazy, selfish jerk that refuses to put down the remote or laptop and contribute to the maintenance of his own household?

      November 4, 2010 at 22:44 | Report abuse |
  16. nicky

    Hm..maybe I need to stop giving sex out to my husband so freely hehe 🙂

    November 4, 2010 at 22:22 | Report abuse | Reply
  17. dufflerpud

    And yet, when SHE does more around the house, does it make him more likely to want sex?

    Sorry – this is a one sided justification for, essentially, prostitution.

    You can try to clothe it in "don't do it to get more sex but you're more likely to get sex if you do it" all you want – but the net effect is the same.

    November 4, 2010 at 22:25 | Report abuse | Reply
  18. alotsmarterthanyou

    Completely agree bitesizetherapy – Take things personally much folks? Basic understanding of the differences in arosal needs of MOST women and men contributes to this study. Women are wired a little differently – one of the reasons the visual porn industry is so focused on male stimulation instead of women. I'm pregnant and work – when I get home, if there is more work to do I'm certainly not in the mood, especially if my fellow is sitting on his rump. It is about joint contributions and helping each other – less stress helps us ladies actually enjoy sex, as opposed to doing our "duty". Respect, equity, and love – which some of you folks sound like you could really use.

    November 4, 2010 at 22:28 | Report abuse | Reply
    • AGeek

      Your oversimplification of the situation some of us are in is repulsive in the worst way. I work (from home) 8-9hrs/day. I get the kids ready for school in the morning so my wife can sleep in. I do the dishes. I do most of the cooking – real meals, not ordering a pizza. I do the laundry (she folds). I mow the lawn, the odd repair around the house, tend to the flowerbeds and landscaping and, in general, the "manly duties" in addition to the aforementioned list. I also do about half the shopping. I run the kids around the evening activities. My wife doesn't work outside our home and doesn't have a paying job. She cleans .. periodically. (definitely not a daily activity). I take the dog (which she wanted – I'm not a dog person) for it's walks and outside for potty breaks. I pick up the poo in the yard. I change the cat's litter. I bathe both the cat and the dog. By the time all is said and done, I sleep 5-6 hrs a night. She reads often – I don't have the time. If I'm lucky, I get half-hearted sex once every three or four weeks. It was every other day (or more frequently) when we were dating & engaged. .and before kids. I compliment her regularly. She says she feels loved & cared for. My kids mean the world to me – and I won't divorce because the pain of not being around my kids daily is far worse than any lack of sex. However, once the youngest kid turn 18, all her crap is going to be on the curb and I don't care *how* it goes, just that it does. Take that nugget to the bank.

      November 5, 2010 at 00:18 | Report abuse |
    • Megan

      Ageek, you completely missed her point being that your story does not equal the majority. All you did was prove her point.

      November 5, 2010 at 10:34 | Report abuse |
    • Lame

      Honestly this proves what I'm gathering from the story, do less... When you do less she'll be impressed with any little thing you do, try to go out of your way to make her happy and it will just become the norm and she'll resent you for it.

      November 5, 2010 at 11:57 | Report abuse |
  19. alotsmarterthanyou

    I'm concerned some of you folks cannot read – this article is about sexual arosal, not prostitution – of course, maybe you don't care about making sure your lady is in the mood –

    November 4, 2010 at 22:30 | Report abuse | Reply
  20. Sheepdog

    So the message is if you want to have more sex do more chores, but if you do more chores because you want sex you won't get it. In other words, you're not getting any either way.

    November 4, 2010 at 22:31 | Report abuse | Reply
    • alotsmarterthanyou

      Simplified, maybe – or recognize that a woman needs her anxiety lessened to be more open to the pleasures of sex. If your woman isn't into you that way – doing chores may or may not help – maybe couples therapy.

      November 4, 2010 at 22:35 | Report abuse |
    • Michael

      Get a hobby away from home, go out with the guys and be generally not available. She will be all over you.

      November 5, 2010 at 17:37 | Report abuse |
  21. dufflerpud

    (Too be fair, there is an analog going the other way: Women spend a great deal of time and money primping to get more attention from men. They are, essentially, buying men's attention. The world is filled with things that are easily labeled prostitution. The only operative difference is that a really beautiful women doesn't particularly make a man's life any easier. Indeed, it usually makes it HARDER).

    Nobody ever said that men were clever. Or women.

    November 4, 2010 at 22:31 | Report abuse | Reply
  22. alotsmarterthanyou

    prostitution is defined as "providing sexual services for payment". Women or men primping to attract the other sex is courtship behavior. Most animals change their appearance to attract a mate.

    November 4, 2010 at 22:41 | Report abuse | Reply
  23. Dan

    Hmm, depends....with my wife? No. Your wife? Definitely.

    November 4, 2010 at 22:42 | Report abuse | Reply
  24. teresa, ohio

    IF MEN AINT GETTING SEX, WHO ARE THEY BUYING ALL THAT VIAGRA FOR? AND WHY ARE SO MANY MEN HAVING PROBLEMS PERFORMING ONCE THEY FIND A WILLING PARTNER? : )

    November 4, 2010 at 23:13 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Michael

      Because of women just like you.

      November 5, 2010 at 17:39 | Report abuse |
  25. Scott

    Let me get this straight: if women need chores done to be relaxed in order to have sex, then men should just do that.

    But what about guys who want sex first so that they are relaxed and motivated to do more around the house?

    Why does this article focus solely on motivations from the ladies' side? Because it's misanthropic drivel. Oh, right.

    If the woman needs chores done to do you, she's more into the show of the clean house than she is into you. Most guys work more hours and are the primary breadwinner (maybe not like the 50s, but it's still the case), and so what about the stress of that, and the need to be relaxed. I'm sorry, but for those of you who haven't made the mistake yet (or who have corrected it with divorce like I have)-the minute a woman uses sex as a tool, it's time to drop her. Sex should be shared between loving couples regardless of when (or whether) the dishes are dirty. Otherwise, she's just using you.

    November 4, 2010 at 23:14 | Report abuse | Reply
    • teresa, ohio

      ummm, scott: have you ever had sex on a bed with dirty laundry littering it or had a fork or screwdriver in your back while having sex? thats why it's important to keep a house clean. No.... sex can only be done when the dishes are cleaned. Didnt you read the manual? Youre right though: the minute ANYONE uses sex as a manipulation tool, the relationship is over. Making love AFTER the chores are done is so much more pleasant : )

      I personally believe that every single day should be started with sex with your mate, since youre both rested up : )

      November 4, 2010 at 23:25 | Report abuse |
  26. Frank

    Dont bet on it. I do all that and more and my wife is still not in the mood<

    November 4, 2010 at 23:22 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Menopausal

      Perhaps she needs to seek medical help.. Women's hormones decline with age... And we have MUCH less of any of them. Not being in the mood is also something that may psychological. Is there a real emotional connection? She may feel there isn't. Is there affection without her feeling there MUST be sex?
      There may physical reasons.. maybe pain? Not feeling arousal? Not enough satisfaction so she doesn't want to? Lots of things. It could also just be a timing issue. You may be ready all the time, but she's not. Are you available when she may want to? Just cause she doesn't want to at the times you want to doesn't mean she doesn't want to. Many variables. Is she pregnant? Postpartum? Perimenopause? Menopause? Young children in the home? Recent miscarriage? Rape or other sexual abuse? Do you two communicate other than about sex? Argue? Depression? Loss? Dig, but with compassion!! Are you affectionate without expectation of sex? Women can lose the mood if every hug and/or kiss is expected to lead to sex. I suggest you read about women at sites such as http://www.womenshealthmag.com and real medical sites to get insight as to what kills women's moods.
      Hope all works out..

      November 6, 2010 at 21:59 | Report abuse |
  27. K

    I have read most but not all of the comments, but this is what I have gathered from them.
    When men are not in the mood to do chores, they should do the dishes to please their woman anyway.
    When women are not in the mood for sex, they should not have sex with their man.

    November 4, 2010 at 23:49 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Menopausal

      That is correct!! Chores come first!! Anyone who's ever been on a farm KNOWS that!! Before the sun comes up. No breakfast till they're done!!
      Sex is a bonus in marriage or any relationship. It's not the basis of the relationship. It's extra.. like icing on cake. Marriage is good, but the sex is an extra part of it. Not the other way around!!

      November 5, 2010 at 17:39 | Report abuse |
  28. Cinderella

    I feel sorry for those whose spouse is a SLOB.This isn't fair for the clean one. Picking up after someone is not the answer, you have to take the time to train them and make them accountable and aware of the mess. Couples can have a lot of fun in the kitchen cooking also doing most indoor chores together. It gets done faster when working as a team.

    November 4, 2010 at 23:53 | Report abuse | Reply
    • David

      (Almost 2 1/2 years late [I just discovered this article tonight], but here goes:)

      EXACTLY! Hence, the old saying "A chain is only as strong as its weakest link." YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO **PULL YOUR WEIGHT***!!!

      January 25, 2013 at 23:11 | Report abuse |
  29. LeLe

    I think this is one of the funniest and saddest group of postings that I have seen. I only wish to someday be married again to be able to have sex everyday and I coould care less about the housework. That is usually a man thing, saying he wants the house to be clean when he gets home from work. It seems like we as Americans need to relax more, get rid of our big houses that we fill with crap and then have to clean and stress us out and then maybe we could all get on the same page and be making love with our spouses. The time that we are healthy and have each other can never be replaced by a larger home or more crap to put in that we are all having to work to pay for. This is a cycle that all of us could probably do without. Sometimes smaller homes, less things and less income is really the best for everyone!! Simplify and be happy, the rest of the world has done it for thousands of years....

    November 4, 2010 at 23:59 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Menopausal

      There was a time (not so long ago really) when it was all done. Clean home, kids were in order. Man had his sex. All was well in man's eyes. He came home, sat down and ate, read the paper, said goodnight to the kids. Wife cleaned up after dinner. Finished her chores. They went to bed. He got his sex pleasure (wrong for women to have pleasure). They slept. The next day it was repeat.. so on and so on till one passed away.

      November 5, 2010 at 17:47 | Report abuse |
  30. K

    I have read most but not all of the comments, but what I have gathered is
    When men are not in the mood to do chores, they should do them anyway to please their woman.
    When a woman is not in the mood for sex, she should NOT have sex with her man to please him.

    I do agree, that if both work that the household chores should be spead out between the two. If you love your significant other you should do things that make them happy. Just rememeber that most women want a man, complain that they wish they had a man who helps out more. Remember the 90's man, woman wanted them, when they got them they wanted a real man again. Woman like the bad boy, the mans man, they say they do not, but reality they do. What is realized later after a couple of divorces is they do not make good husbands. Finding the perfect balance is almost imposible. So we get scientific studdies like this one.

    November 5, 2010 at 00:07 | Report abuse | Reply
  31. Colin

    "One recent study from the University of Western Ontario, for example, found that wives are happier when their husbands pitch in with housework."

    I stopped reading after this brilliant piece of information.

    November 5, 2010 at 00:12 | Report abuse | Reply
    • native

      I agree the "study" states a pretty obvious point. When is someone going to do a "study" on why I, a 38 year old mom of teenagers who works 50 hours a week, handles Dr. appointments, bills, cleaning, cooking EVERY night, taking care of pets, maintenance of home, dishes, kids, garbage, laundry, spending additional hours online submitting resumes and job applications for my unemployed (for a year) husband, etc, etc, etc, have kept myself at the same weight since before I had kids, STILL WANT to have sex with my husband & not get any? I guess maybe he's too tired & stressed out from watching ESPN all day with his eyes closed & snoring. Maybe some people consider sex a chore too but I'm not that hard to please. Someone please fund this study immediately cause I really need to know. I think I'm running a group home rather than a household.

      November 5, 2010 at 14:22 | Report abuse |
  32. Cinderella

    When men share with household chores I don't think we see them as prostituting themselves, it's called consideration & respect. No need to go overboard and do everything like some of these guys have said they're doing.Being a woman's slave is totally disfunctional, so is a woman wearing herself down ragged while hubby slobs out on the couch with a beer.

    November 5, 2010 at 00:13 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Sorry Sweetheart

      But if the man works and makes more money, he has the right to do nothing at home.

      November 5, 2010 at 02:49 | Report abuse |
  33. Kafeen

    I can't believe how many men posted here & either did NOT actually read the article or maybe have some sort of brain disconnection that they don't recall what the article was actually about. The title was a catch phrase & not the study or conclusion! There were scientific studies comparing the difference between men's brain activity & women's brain activity in relation to anxiety & sexual arousal. Read the results ape-boys: women are bio-chemically incapable of enjoying sex while they are worried, stressed, or anxious... unlike men, who can orgasm at the drop of a hat, even if they are stressed out... or apparently taking sex from a woman who is not enjoying it. In fact, the article repeated that this can NOT be simplified into "exchanging chores for sex"... yet comments here repeatedly say this article is about bartering or buying sex with chores. I can only assume that if you did read this, then, a whole bunch of you are complaining still because you believe it is your male privilege to have a woman pretend to want to have sex with you every day & allow you to have sex with her, despite that it is neither satisfying nor even pleasurable for her. You actually want to treat her worse than a prostitute... like a sex slave with the cuffs on her finger. So sad that even repeated scientific studies on women's sexuality are continually ignored by guys who whine like babies that THEY are the ones being neglected. Well if you guys got real blue balls 9 out of 10 times you had sex, you might not look forward to it so much either. ;-P

    November 5, 2010 at 02:23 | Report abuse | Reply
  34. Kafeen

    P.S. Healthy couples have sex 2-4 times per week; not twice or even once daily. If there is not enough sex in your relationship, or if there is too much sex in your relationship, & you feel under appreciated & undesirable, then, you need to do something called "conversing" with your partner to find out why. And don't try to argue with your partner about why they feel the way that they feel, cause that will just make it worse & not better. If that doesn't work, you get a couple's counselor. If that doesn't work, you go your separate ways to find someone who is healthier & with whom you can be healthier. (Or someone who is sicker & with whom you can be sicker, if that is what you are committed to being.) This all goes for both women & men.

    November 5, 2010 at 02:33 | Report abuse | Reply
  35. mmmmmmmm

    All of my ladies know how to treat a man. I think a lot of it has to do with what you look like. Also, give it to them real hard and they'll cook, clean, and take care of your plumbing real well. It works for me. I've retired, live off her income, and just ride my harley that she paid for. She polishes it for me before I go on a journey, then when I get home I can always count on a spotless spit shine. You've just got to push the right button the correct, expert way and she'll purr like a psy cat boys.

    November 5, 2010 at 02:37 | Report abuse | Reply
  36. NOT Basic Biology

    "BASIC BIOLOGY" is SOOOO annoying. In response, I do the dishes every night. I cook half the nights. There are some weeks where I work 80hr weeks and dont get home till late and dinner is made, or Im picking up takeout on the way home. Regardless, women use sex as something to withhold. I think thats the crappy part of this article. Whether its dishes, headache, tired, etc – woman will always want less sex than men and this is just another excuse on why not to have sex when they arent in the mood. I have a cleaning person, and the sex is the same as it was before the cleaning person. Not buying it, and not buying the withholding sex BS. Women claim that men are immature? How mature is that – withholding sex for deeds? After the deeds are normally pitched in, women will find something else to stress about. Now that is basic biology.

    November 5, 2010 at 02:49 | Report abuse | Reply
    • AGeek

      Spot-on. Completely. ..insert blithering rant here..

      November 5, 2010 at 07:57 | Report abuse |
  37. comaseskalon

    Based on the comments below, I think the findings of this article are being misconstrued. It's not that women are using sex/affection as a reward for chores, it's more like women often find it very, very attractive. I find nothing sexier than a man in the kitchen cooking.

    November 5, 2010 at 05:24 | Report abuse | Reply
  38. AGeek

    ..and this is where Western "culture" (if you want to claim that the West is cultured) is completely and utterly stupid. Asian cultures realize sex is simply another biologic function; and frankly, one that's good for you. Between endorphins and exercise, the body needs the release sex provides. If you commit to a monogamous relationship, part of that commitment is meeting your partner's needs. Think about it before you complain, ladies.

    November 5, 2010 at 08:03 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Megan

      Meeting your partners needs include doing your share of the help. You're going based off your example, but our roles are reversed in my relationship. Either way, whether you're the man looking for sex or woman trying to get the guy to do housework, when you're the lazy one in the relationship, there's no complaining. This isn't drawn down gender lines, and you're fooling yourself if you think it is.

      November 5, 2010 at 11:52 | Report abuse |
  39. Mickety

    When my wife starts to cut the grass, washes the cars, cleans off the roof, fixes the toilet, does cars repairs, and yes, takes care of the kids (of which I probably do 80%), yes I will reward her with hot steamy sex. Every day.

    November 5, 2010 at 08:28 | Report abuse | Reply
  40. TrueFax

    It's called W I N E get a few bottles.

    November 5, 2010 at 09:01 | Report abuse | Reply
  41. Mok

    Paper plates FTW – now give me some sugar

    November 5, 2010 at 09:28 | Report abuse | Reply
  42. EEH

    @Mickety... I *do* cut the grass, take care of the cars' cleanliness, can (and will) fix toilets, do all of the meal planning, shopping, cooking and dishes, PLUS wrangling of three kids and school/diapers and all of their messes... so I get pretty peeved when he cooks for himself and leaves a mess and can't seem to tidy up behind himself. I'd love some of that hot and steamy sex, but taking advantage of me is a turn-off, I'm not into the "reward" system, and I'm too darned tired, anyways.

    November 5, 2010 at 10:01 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Mickety

      He sounds like a selfish creep. Meet me at the local motel.

      November 5, 2010 at 10:39 | Report abuse |
    • EEH

      Bring take-out; easier to clean up!

      November 5, 2010 at 11:08 | Report abuse |
  43. Jake

    Pussy is Pussy turn them up side down they all look alike

    November 5, 2010 at 10:23 | Report abuse | Reply
  44. Jono

    I suppose this article is useful provided you are married to a typical North American, spoiled, entitled feminist white bitch.

    November 5, 2010 at 10:39 | Report abuse | Reply
    • AGeek

      Good gawd.. where's the 'Like' button for this comment. Absolutely agreed, Jono. Absolutely. Frankly, you're not all that, ladies ..and you're not even a crumpled bag of chip crumbs. Your attitude and mannerisms are far more of a turnoff than anything you could possibly wear.

      November 5, 2010 at 11:00 | Report abuse |
    • Megan

      Golly gee, I must have forgotten that you men are all prize catches. Don't like bitches? Don't marry them, and quit your crying about it. Seriously.

      November 5, 2010 at 11:53 | Report abuse |
  45. Jono

    I moved in with a woman last year. I was working 5 days a week, coming home to my woman sitting on the couch all day, no dinner made, nothing done. I would start dinner. She had no job, no income, expected me to work, support her, pay the rent, make dinner, and she would do LAUNDRY and not much else.

    Needless to say, one weekend we got in an argument and she took off for the night.

    She came home the next day to an empty apartment.

    November 5, 2010 at 11:05 | Report abuse | Reply
  46. Meat Mallet

    May as well reap the benefits for stuff I do anyway. Although I'm so good in the sack, I could lay on the couch all day drinking beer and watching Comedy Central and I'd STILL get me some when I wanted it. I actually have mine trained to do housework in daisy dukes and shake her butt when she walks past the TV. I throw her a buck or two when she does, then smack her arse and say, "On your way, honey, and take this empty with you!"

    November 5, 2010 at 11:29 | Report abuse | Reply
    • lance corporal

      she's phucking your neighbor and you have no idea

      November 5, 2010 at 12:25 | Report abuse |
    • native

      At least in doing these things you have somewhat acknowledged her existence!

      November 5, 2010 at 14:32 | Report abuse |
  47. Jono

    Hey Meat Mallet – does she like her back door smashed in?

    November 5, 2010 at 11:32 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Meat Mallet

      Jono, yeah, every 4th or 5th time!

      November 5, 2010 at 13:16 | Report abuse |
  48. Renee

    ALOT of you men are missing the point!!! COMPREHEND!! Oh, forget that. Males aren't as good in that part of the brain.
    The point is is it isn't as much about fatigue or anything else as much as the way we women can't just let loose if there are things that need other attention. Live with it, that's the way us women were CREATED!! Not to mention that us women have soooo much less sex hormones (all) than what a man has. No wonder. If men had the amounts we did, they'd not even give women attention. Men only give women attention cause of sex to begin with. Want it? You drop everything no matter what!! Point? Sex is top priority than anything else, including significant others!
    I can want sex just as much as my husband. HOWEVER, if I know there are things that need doing, sex goes out the window. Or at least any enjoyment does.
    PORN has really ruined what sex is to be about, in MEN especially. Really want to learn about women and sex, go to the women's sites. Not the porno ones and men's ones. They teach about, well, sex in general. Just the act! BIG DEAL. Learn about us women. We may be more complicated than men, but hey, that's a PLUS!!

    HELP HER TO DISCONNECT FROM DAILY THINGS, you may find she WANTS you more!!
    Think about another thing: How many will go spend a day fishing, hunting, whatever and don't care about anything else going on? Think she can do that and not think about what shape the house will be in for her 'homecoming' later.. or what's for dinner, how many loads of laundry are sitting there? Most women aren't asking for everything to be done. Some things CAN wait. But who likes to wake to a full sink of dirty dishes? Great way to start the day.

    November 5, 2010 at 11:37 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Ruth

      This is NOT how women were created. This does not happen in other cultures, including other Western cultures.

      November 5, 2010 at 12:06 | Report abuse |
    • lance corporal

      what an us vs them mentality, maleness is bad femaleness is good.... BS! 2 sides of the same coin, the reality is MOST men do this stuff without problem, sure comedians and movie makers love the stereotypes and they certainly exist (just like the female ones do....you ditz....) I've had the blessing of knowing very se xual women in my life and your wrong, lack of s ex drive is not physiological it is trained/taught just like men have to set aside old outdated notions about gender identity SO DO WOMEN, most of the problems women complain about with men they actually helped create and reinforce. .
      also if you view yourself as a mountain a man must climb, your part of the problem, you are reinforcing the negative things you complain about and you or your partners will never never never have a satisfying relationship, mentally, emotionally, spiritually OR physically/se xually

      November 5, 2010 at 12:23 | Report abuse |
    • MP in VA

      I disagree that we missed the point, because the point is quite meaningless. It's highly dependent on the individual. Generalizing that women are less stressed when their husbands do chorse around the house, thus leading to more sex is just plain silly. Sure, for some this might be true, for others not. Many men will read this article, go home and make a conscious effort to help around the house, then get frustrated when the fireworks don't happen. Personally, my wife becomes aroused at random times, sometimes not for months, and I do a lot around the house and with the kids,. I'm sick of feeling rejected and sick of the games and the waiting. As I said before, when the kids are gone, I will be, too, and she can hump the vacuum cleaner when the mood hits her.

      November 5, 2010 at 15:17 | Report abuse |
  49. Renee

    Jake:
    Same with men. They all look the same.. only different sizes. Big deal. Just look like boys, only larger. At least us women look different than we did as children!! (Real vulvas don't look like those in porn unless VERY young.. and/or surgery..ask any doctor who sees nude women.)

    November 5, 2010 at 11:43 | Report abuse | Reply
  50. Renee

    Another thing: How many of you men will speak about your wife as saying 'THE wife'? Wow, put us in the same category as 'the car', 'the boat', 'the tv', THE, THE, THE. I've yet to hear women call their husband, 'THE HUSBAND'. So.. ifyou're calling your wife 'THE', she may be resenting she's MARRIED to you. UNDERSTAND?? She is NOT an object!!

    November 5, 2010 at 11:48 | Report abuse | Reply
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